my parents and my spouse are at odds with each other and I am in the middle??

Question

it has gotten bad on several occasions...both are very opinionated as far as how they feel and NEITHER are willing to confront one another and it puts me in a complicated position. they have left our house to sleep in a hotel and my wife doesn't ever want to go to their house again. My wife and parents are people who are hurt easily and are very slow to forgive...how do I fix this? should I even bother trying???

Answer 1

Let them work it out in their own time. Support your wife, but refuse to be her, or your parents', bargaining chip.

Answer 2

I don't think you would be out of line letting all parties know that this is hurting you. The one thing they SHOULD be able to agree on is that they love you very much, and hopefully, knowing how much it bothers you would make them at least consider if it's worth it to say anything when something comes up.

I'm fairly opinionated, and even though I think my inlaws are in the wrong... well, most of the time... I'm STARTING, after over six years of marriage, to understand the importance of shutting up about it to my husband. He just doesn't need to hear it. I say "starting", because it's hard to control myself. This does not mean that I don't unload on my best friend when my husband isn't around to hear me.

I will say that I believe our days of "staying over" with the inlaws are long gone. They do not care about trivial things like pet allergies that I have and my sons have, and after dealing with that -- and SO many other issues -- it's just easier to have a hotel.

I would suggest you try to get them talking and willing to get together for the big stuff, but understand that a visit in town just may be more pleasant for everyone involved if your wife and your parents don't have to share a roof. Yes, it would be nice if that were not the case, but start slow. Eventually, someone may come around, but you may find that your choices are have them hating every minute of the visit, or enjoying (or tolerating) the time spent together, knowing they can have time apart at the end of the day.

Answer 3

Make them both sit down and hear you out. It seems they forget that you are the common bond between them and they are stressing you out! My in laws suck but i try to at least be cordial for my wifes sake. But if the problem is the wife then you need to stand your ground with her bro, because it will get worse if you dont. Best o' luck.

Answer 4

Of course, you should try. But remember you were to leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. That means you should put her feelings above theirs now.
Without details, it is hard to now who really needs to forgive, maybe one side, maybe both. Bottom line is they are all family now and you should put your foot down and make them discuss this with each other instead of making you the go-between.

Answer 5

you have put yourself in the middle... you don't have to be in the middle, you don't have to react, you can just ignore them all.

this isn't your problem. it's between your parents and your wife, all of whom need to grow UP and stop acting like babies.

the may never.

Answer 6

your wife must come first- always- don't bother trying to fix it- you are in a bad spot, try fixing it and it may become worse- just remember wife first-