Defiant 3 1/2 year old girl will not use the potty.?

Question

I have a unique problem. My daughter is 3 1/2. She learned how to use the potty. She is aware when she has to pee and poop. She is a very defiant child and this is just yet another area where she exercises her defiance. I've taken away pull ups and diapers when she turned 3, since I've been trying since she was 2 1/2. So she knows full well when she has to go and that she should use the potty. But she just flat out refuses. If I put her on it, she gets up. The second my back is turned she pees on the floor or her underwear and LAUGHS. Up until now, I tried to just say "It's okay, it's an accident" but lately I've changed tunes. I get MAD because I know it's a defiant act to make me mad. She tries all day long to make me mad and this she's found is what makes me the maddest so she does it all the time. What is wrong with her? Why won't she pee on the toilet/potty chair? She finds it hysterical to say "I peed on the floor" or "I peed my pants". Any tips would be great.

Answer 1

I just potty trained my son and daughter. What worked for me was The Potty Stool http://www.thepottystool.com I started by just setting it at the toilet. My kids immediately climbed up on the stool and discovered that they could safely use the toilet. This got them very interested in using the toilet and they were potty trained very quickly.

This is a great "no pressure" approach that completely removes the "defiance" element for you.

I like that I don't have to double the steps of potty training by training them first in a potty and then training them to stop using a potty. And not dumping and cleaning a potty each time is great. The best thing is that kids use it for years. I hope this helps you.

Answer 2

I teach pre-school, and I have had similar experiences. There are a few things you can do, but every child reacts differently to tactics, so they may or may not be right for your child.

1. Have her clean it up. And not just "help," but clean it to the point where you don't need to do anything else with it. Have her run the laundry, scrub the floor, etc. You will have to supervise, and it will take longer, but eventually she'll realize that making you mad isn't worth the hr's work.

2. Put her back in diapers. Act like it doesn't bother you. It's less messy than her peeing on the floor, and honestly, it isn't a step back if she doesn't actually use the potty anyway.

3. Let her sit for a little. If she pees in her underwear, put her in the bathtub so it won't get all over, and have her wait a few minutes while you finish doing whatever it was you had been doing when she peed. She will realize it is uncomfortable, and faster to just use the potty and be done with it.

4. Get something special, like Dora stickers, to decorate the potty seat. Make sure she sees it, and then put it away. Tell her that she can't have it until she turns four, or whatever other bench-mark may be coming up. If she really wants it, she may be begging to use the potty on her birthday/special day.

If none of these work, go back to pull-ups, and wait a few months. It may be frustrating, but her vendetta with you and the potty may blow over by then. Also make sure that she feels in control in other areas: it seems like she is enjoying the control she has over going to the bathroom and making you angry. You could also try talking to her pediatrician.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

This is the one thing in her young life she has total control over. Put her back in diapers, and let her be. There are so many things in a child's life that the parent will act annoyed about, and she found a way to annoy you. Don't let it.

As far as peeing and laughing, it IS funny. You would laugh your *** off if you saw how hard my 2 year old laughs when he farts, followed by peeing on the floor. He also thinks it's great to take off his diaper before I get to him in the morning and lay some turds on the floor. "LOOK! LOOK!" As he's laughing.

The longer YOU make a big deal out of it, the longer she does it. Pampers makes a size 7 now, put her in them, without telling her she's acting like a baby. When she DOES use the potty, make the biggest deal out of it, and when she pees in the diaper, oh well.

Answer 4

Well, I'm an early childhood educator student and have had experience with potty training toddlers/preschoolers. At this age, children are learning to make choices for themselves and are becoming independent. They try to gain control over anything they can, and potty training is one of them.

There can be a few reason a child will not potty train, the main reason it that it's something they can control. You can't really effectively force a child to potty train. Because she seems to laugh and does it intentionally as apposed to just not trying, it appears she's doing it to control you. But hey, this is what children of this age do! She controls you because she knows that you will clean up, you give her attention wether it's saying it's just an accident, or getting mad (which although it's negative attention, it's still attention children crave). The important thing is remember not to get mad. This doesn't help the situation. Instead, i would suggest when you clean her up, get her to help. Don't be forceful, but sit there and be patient, getting her to change herself. Don't make this a punishment, but a responsibility she has, and then maybe these accidents and getting your attention won't be worth the effort of changing later.

But just remember not to get mad because it actually makes things worse.

Answer 5

This is a discipline issue rather than a medical issue. Think of something she loves, and tell her she can have it (say a candy or whatever) every time she uses the potty to keep her undies and the floor dry.

Don't get mad, but you could pick her up if she is laughing for wetting the floor, and say because you did that insttead of using hte potty you are going to get a smack. This usually stops the behaviour after about 3 times - then she realises its not a game anymore. If she knows you'll get mad, she'll do it more.

Don't use both tactics on the same day - try the first one, and if it works then you tell her the next day - how proud you are of her, and then try to get her to do it without the reward - if she doesn't then you tell her next time the smack comes. Good luck with it.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

You did a good thing by taking away the pull-ups, they are just glorified diapers and I've always hated them. Here are two techniques that have worked for me.
One was to put the child back inot diapers (I don't reccomend it unless your daughter would be so upset about being downgraded to beging a baby that she would go on the potty. This only works with certain kids and you know your child best.

The second and the one that I reccomend the most is to make her do ALL the clean up, don't get mad not even a bit, but make her do the clean up. If she pees on the floor pull out the paper towells and say "Oops, here's some towells to clean up your mess. If she refuses to do the cleaning "help" her by standing behind her and holding her hands to help her clean. Then give her clothes and put her in the bathroom (with supervision, especially if she's angry) and make her change herself and wipe herself off with wipes. If she won't do it make her stand in the tub until she's done. But don't get angry, stay calm.
The same thing with pooping in her pants, put her in the tub and tell her she needs to undress herself. You will have to hose her off, or wipe her, but she needs to undress herself and redress herself if she's had the accident.

This has worked for my oldest and two other kids that I have nannied for. They were potty trained within a week and mine within 2 days. Trust me...

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Have her clean up the mess she makes and change herself. If she refuses to clean up, have her sit in time out. Also, when she does go in the potty, make a big deal about it and even give her a small reward, such as a sticker or a couple of crackers, whatever will get her excited. She sees your reaction, and is pushing your buttons. Sounds like you need a break. Try getting your husband or a trusted babysitter to watch her for an afternoon, while you get pampered and do something you want to do.

Answer 10

Try a treat system. My son is almost 3 and potty trained, and we just trained on poops. I went out and bought a bunch of Hot Wheels cars. They are a dollar a piece. Everytime he has a poop...he gets a new car. He picked up on that really quick, and poops all the time in the toilet. Try a reward system. Just small presents...maybe she will get it.