My cousin is 27 years old and has two kids ages 9 and 2. My cousin does drugs and social services has been involved a few times. She doesn't pay any attention to her kids and hands them off to people when she is tired of them. She also goes from one guy to another without any breaks and not taking time with her kids. I also think that she is stealing stuff to get money since she has no job and if social services get involved again the kids will get taken away and the family won't get them. I'm afraid and I don't know what to do. My cousin needs help, but rehab did no good. She will never change and it seems she cares more about her drugs then her own kids. What should I do? I'm afraid if I turn her in to social services then the kids will get taken away and the family won't see them again. Any advice would be great. Thank you.
2007-08-17 10:43:34 · 17 answers · asked by *Dreamer* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a recovering drug addict. I have never lost my children nor been involved with social services but,Iknow many who have! I also know several who have had their children taken away from them. First thing, no one can stop your cousin! She has to hit (her) rock bottom before anything will change!!!!! Each persons rock bottom is different! Just because treatment didn't work the first time does not mean that it won't help the second or the third. Rarely do addicts get it right the first time! Recovery is a life long process! Now, as for social services, when they take children away, it is not for good. The parent has a chance sometimes depending on the state ( I know Ca.) you have up to 1 year to do what they tell you to (usually drug treatment and parenting classes) and when you have completed that they return your children to you. The state does not want to take away children! They want to work with the parents and get the parents on the right track to get their children back!!! Sometimes children have been taken away up to 3 times and still returned back to the parent once they have completed their requirements. Many Many Many times drug addicts will not quit untill their children are taken away. That;s when they are faced with the reality that change has to happen. I have known over the years at least ten women that have had their children taken and all but one got thir child back!! And that one flat out REFUSED to stop doing drugs!! The stitistics are high for children returned to the home. But most importantly.....You owe it to the children to protect them when their parents won't!!! My best friends 9 year old daughter died in a accident in the home as a direct cause of the drug addict mom who was spun on meth and made a few CARELESS mistakes!! I can't even begin to tell you the pain!!! I also can't tell you the GUILT!!!!!!! and the amount of family members who carry tremendous amouts of guilt each and every day of their lives (me included) that they or we did not call social services earlier!! If we would have that beautiful, wonderfull, DEFENCESSLESS child who could not SPEAK UP for HERSELF would be alive today as I write this to you! I can not urge you enough to make that phone call. Be the voice for the children. Save them from their suffering and neglect they go thru each and every day. Help them to get their mother help. Help them to have a chance in life before it's too late and to much psycological damage is done to them! Help them have a chance to have peace and love they duely deserve in their lives. I can also tell you that each and EVERY woman I have know that has had their children taken away say that It was the BEST thing that ever happened to them!! Each and everyone if VERY THANKFUL for the day they lost their child! Because they were forced to get help and they inturn healed themselves and are know good parents and productive citizens in society! Please! Please! Please! Make the phone call to social sevices!! I know it's hard to do but please do it for the children who can't speak for themselves!! I have one last thing to say or ask actually. What would you do, how would you feel and could you ever look yourself in the mirror again if something happened to one of thoes children and you hadn't made the call? Good Luck and I hope you make the right decision!! God Bless Your Family and espically the children!
2007-08-22 05:13:44 · answer #1 · answered by connie p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, don't bring the social services in this if you're so afraid that the kids will be taken away. Once you put them in the family, it's very hard to get rid of them. Then what will you do? Be a good sport and take care of her kids if you can. Have her commited to rehab for the good reasons, not for yours. And yes she can change...
2007-08-25 10:02:34 · answer #2 · answered by kayneriend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your cousin needs to help herself. No one can do that for her. The children are the ones who matter. They need out of that envioroment. Do it, call childrens services. Don't wait until it's to late. Usually they'll ask if family members can take them in first. If not, you can make arrangements through them to visit the kids. And no, her drugs are more important to her because she's an addict. And all they think of is where can I get my next fix. So do those kids a favor and report it so they can go somewhere safe.
2007-08-25 05:28:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to intervene. That is your obligation as an adult who is seeing children being neglected. She may be willing to let a family member take them for awhile so she can get her act together. If she does not want to do this the only option you have is to turn her over to Social Services, and let a family member petition to be their gaurdian. I know in this state because of the overwhelming population of foster children that they will try to place the children with a family member first.
Good Luck, and no matter what keep looking out for those children.
2007-08-24 05:10:37 · answer #4 · answered by sunflower38024 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do the grandparents of these kids know what is going on. Whatever you do, get the kids out of that environment. Don't worry about your cousin, worry about the kids. Take them yourself or ask some other family member. Call the department of Human Resorces and tell them what the situation is. Good luck to you.
2007-08-23 04:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by God Bless America 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, let's see....I work for the social services department in my state and all I can say to you is: From what you have just described about her lifestyle---where do you think her children would be better off living? If her children suffer because you are being selfish and only thinking of how you will miss them--and you don't say anything and something happens to them--are you really doing them a favor or ?
2007-08-25 10:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if the family is so worried about the kids together you guys need to get together and take the kids and take care of them because she wont change until she hits rock bottom and she will lose the kids in the process but that is just my opinion
2007-08-24 05:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by My Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone knows what is going on and doesn't take a step, that makes them an enabler, and just as guilty. Stand up for the kids sake, they're innocent but they will, in the long run, pay dearly for these mistakes made by others
2007-08-17 11:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if you care so much about the kids you should talk to there mum and just ask her if the kids can stay with you then they are technically still her kids but they will not be in danger and will have a loving person to look after them and you will be able to put your mind at ease and I'm sure if the kids have been through this it will be easier for them and they will appreciate it xx
hope this has been use full xx
2007-08-25 09:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you call social services, the immediate family is the first place they look for placement. The family will see them again. Do it fast, for the children's sake.
2007-08-25 10:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by merrybodner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋