Should I go to the wedding?

Question

I have a mate who lives in another country who I used to work with. We got on really well and I class him as a mate. I only speak to him about once or twice online a year so we aint exactly close or anything. I knew he was getting married and said I'd try and go if I can aslong as I wasn't at uni at the time of it. Well I have now been invited to it and it is on the weekend before I go back to uni. Also I am having bad financial problems so really don't think I can afford to go, and I want the weekend before I go back to uni to prepare myself and unpack at my home there etc. Also I don't know anyone other than the one getting married so being in a country that don't speak my language and all the other problems makes it hard for me to go. I feel really guilty though as he said I said that I would go and I know he will be very angry if I don't go. What should I do?

Answer 1

say your really sorry but u cnt go coz its really a bad time wiv yor financial problems plus u r goin bak 2 uni a few days afta.
say you wud go if it was anytime else

Answer 2

Explain about it being a few days before going back to uni & that you have a few financial issues, send a small token gift & don't let on that you don't really want to go as you don't know anyone else, don't speak the language etc!

If nothing else your friend should respect you for your honesty. Unfortunatly we can't always have what we want & no doubt there will be plenty of other guests at the wedding & lets be honest, he'll probably spend the day in a blur as it will go so quickly & there's a lot going on as well as the fact he'll be a newly married man.

Answer 3

I think if you explain to him like you have explained here your reasons for not going he'll understand. This is an important time in your life going to uni just like getting wed is important to him. If you were extremely close then that might be different but even if my best friend was in your position I'd understand if she couldn't come to my wedding. You look out for each other when you're friends. As your going to uni the last thing you need to do is to add to any financial problems you need to start with as little worries as possible. The weekend before is going to be very busy for you and the last thing you need to do is to start uni unprepared and stressed, sometimes you do have to put yourself first when your future is involved.
I'm sure if he values your friendship he'll understand, send him your good wishes, maybe a card or a letter or email passing on your congratulations and hopes for a happy future for him and his future wife. Just do something thoughtful and sincere so he knows you'll be thinking of him on the day. Tell him what you've told us and I'm sure he'll be fine about it and will be wishing you luck for your future. All the best C<

Answer 4

My friend from uni, who i lived with for three years couldn't come to my wedding. I had told her the date but her b/f had booked a holiday without telling her, and not knowing about the date of the wedding. It was really disappointing that she didn't make it on the day and i really missed her. However i knew that she wanted to be there and there wasn't anything she could do. I told her it was ok, because even though she wasn't at the wedding she is a true friend and i know she is always there when i need her most. A true friend is always there for the bad times even if they can't always make the good times.

Answer 5

Just tell him the truth, that you really cant afford it at this time, and that Uni is about to start. If he is a real friend he will understand and as the wedding is in another country, I am sure that you wont be the only one that declines the invite.
Good luck with it. If he is mad, that is his problem. I wouldnt be losing any sleep over losing the friendship. Times have changed.

Answer 6

He is asking you out of courtesy and remembrance of good times in the past; he may also be short of support from home and has asked people he thinks might come; if the bride is in her home country, of course there will be a much bigger crowd from her side than his.

Tell him, as soon as you can, that regretfully you cannot make it, as you have made arrangements that can't be changed. Try to send some sort of small gift, with a nice letter or card, to make up for your absence. We can't go to every wedding we are asked to; but if you let him know ASAP, I'm, sure it will be fine - I'd say he has too much else to worry about to feel upset by it!

Answer 7

If you have promised, you ought to keep your promise.

With a strange language. Try to learn key phrases.
Like, 'Please say that in English'
'I don't understand'
'Yes Please' 'No Thank you'
Numbers up to ten and if possible 20
Basic Salutation and farewells
I have and I don't have
more/no more.

Financial problems, is a bug. If you can't afford then you can't afford. Much depends on how much going to the wedding is worth to you. You have indicated not much, apart from you have opened you're big mouth. Funny in life how we find time and money for what we really want to do.

Anyway starting a University course skint is going to seriously jeopardise your success. His anger may only last a day, and he will probably have other things on his mind, but your university course is going to affect the whole of your career.

If you are really undecided. This is a good trick for a dilemma. Toss a coin. Like heads you go; tails you don't. Then whatever happens - do what you want to do anyway. It has an effect of focusing the mind and forcing the decision.

Answer 8

Your friend will not be angry if you tell him that you honestly cannot afford to come. It is expensive to fly to another country and then pay for food and lodging there. If you make it clear that you would very much like to come but that it is simply not a possibility because you just don't have the money, your friend will understand and also sympathize with you. Just make it clear that this is precisely why you are not coming: because you can't. Then, send a very thoughtful message with the present that you send he and his new bride for their wedding gift. If he is your friend, he won't be angry. Disapponted and sad, yes, but he will understand that you have no choice in the matter. You simply don't have the money.

Answer 9

If you can't go then your can't go. Just explain to your friend that you are not in a financial situation to pay for travel expenses and that you really wish you could be there but there is just no way you can. He should understand. When you are invited to a wedding that is in another country and you can't pay for your travel expenses and he really wants you there he should offer to pay. But you definitely have to send a gift even if you don't go. You were invited so you must send a gift.

Answer 10

I'm sure your friend will understand that going to his wedding would be really difficult for you - and quite expensive. Call him and thank him for the invitation, but explain that you won't be able to go to the wedding. Send a card or a small gift, if you want. Your friend probably invited you so that you'll know he's thinking of you; he probably knows you will not be able to go. My fiance and I are from different countries and have friends literally all over the world. We are sending some invitations to people we *know* will not be able to come to our wedding. We just want them to know to let them know that we're thinking of them and that they're welcome.

You shouldn't feel obligated to fly around the world for a wedding. If you can do it easily, that's great. But - if you're like most people - it's just not feasible.

Answer 11

If this person is truly your "friend", he will understand your financial and school situation and not be angry with you. As someone who just got married, I would totally appreciate a friend who told me the truth as to why they couldn't attend my wedding. I had a friend who RSVP'd, then never showed up and TEXTED me the day of the wedding to say "Congrats, sorry I couldn't be there." I was furious.