What would you say to someone you were doing Bible study with who. . . .?

Question

Ok, here’s the sitch: I have been bringing someone to church with me for a couple of months, who has a drinking problem and has refused to get help from any other sector. Now, I wasn’t sure how much she understood of the messages on Sunday and I wondered whether she had any questions about what she was hearing. Due to her alcohol problem, I also didn’t want her to go from Sunday to Sunday without some encouragement in between, so I started a home Bible study with her on Wed. nights. For the past two Sundays, she has not shown up for church and now says that she enjoys our studies so much more than the Sunday message. Other than the Apostle Paul’s exhortation not to “forsake the gathering of ourselves together”, what should I say to impress upon her that once a week is not enough and that our Bible study should not take the place of attending church?

Thanks so much to all, who have been encouraging and so full of good advice.

I appreciate that some feel Substance Abuse Counseling is her best resource, however, I did say she doesn't want to participate in any such; she's tried that route before. I'm not against AA--they helped me 20 years ago when I needed encouragement and to consider the concept of a "higher power". I don't know if I would have traded in my agnostic/atheistic label for my wonderful relationship with Christ if AA hadn't started me on the path of growth. But, since she has flat out refused to try that, I'm glad she's willing to give church a try which is actually a recent development.

Our church is loving and unimposing. We meet in a motel conference room and there are less than 20 people. They go out of their way to make her feel welcome. I think that, like most addicts, this is a commitment problem. Thanks Mairy, your comment hits the nail on the head as far as what I've been thinking too! :)

Answer 1

How could you (or any of the responders to this question) possibly consider withholding Bible study from someone who is seeking? Forget your own agenda, rules, etc. Who are we to limit or question the transforming power of studying the word of God? I believe the core purpose of Church to be to equip the body. We, as followers of Christ, have a responsibility to reach out to the lost through our interpersonal relationships. Don't count on your Church to do it.

Answer 2

Some type of addiction counseling!!
AA does not work for everyone. There are quite a few women that have had bad experiences with AA because there a predators around the group but this is true in many churchs also.
60+% of the people that have stopped drinking do so through a church or continual counseling. Some just white knuckle it. All the churches combined with all the counseling do not do better than AA does.

AA is very diverse and each group is different. Some are more Christian and others atheistic.

If she has said no to AA then there are other programs both by professionals and non professional. Drinking must stop or there is a block to God.

AA considers drinking a mental and emotional malady for which there is a spiritual solution. Churches do not always work on drinking or drugging but another program may!! AA or another!!

There are many that run from church group to church group for sympathy, money, and so forth. They run from enabler to enabler. Do not enable.

She must hit bottom in some way and no longer want to live as she has lived. We must not forget where we came from and what it took to get out. There is not a soft bottom and cushioning it does not allow them to hit it.

Answer 3

I would just keep the private studies with her for the present time. Maybe she is not ready to be assembled with a whole Church yet, some people feel so ashamed, embarrased, and with you in a comfortable setting, the enemy probilly wont have as much influence on her to keep her from opening up and letting the spirit work on her heart.
I would just choose scriptures that show the importance of "building each other up & the necessity of bearing each others burdons" to show her how importance fellowship, and belonging is, especially in the times we are living in.
I think the most important thing is to not give up on her, don't critize her for not attending Church, but try and find why she feels uncomfortable in Church. It could be she just knows within her heart that she isn't right with God, and feels uncomfortable with the other believers. Pray about it and let the spirit lead you, and you might need to back off a bit, let the spirit work on her heart and when she is ready she will come, around. In this case you have allready planted the seed, now just nurture it, and try and help keep the "weeds" (cares of this world) from choking it out! May God bless you and your friend, and I thank you for doing Gods work, I wish I had a friend like you 25 years ago!! ----Gary Mitchell----

Answer 4

Is it possible to do a bible study that explores the sunday message in greater depth. Like, if your pastor is teaching in Ephesians, that's what you discuss. The Sunday message, but deeper.

Also, be sensitive to why she prefers you to church. Maybe she thinks that the people at church are judging her or seem so holy. Maybe introduce her to some people that you know have struggled with addiction. Sometimes the unchurched think that churches are full of perfect people in pews. We all know that we were all wheels off sinners, but our lives have changed. Just keep it real. We are sick in need of a doctor.

Answer 5

I don't believe in religion myself, but I will say that it can be the only way of helping someone who has an addiction. If you don't want religious people to judge you then you should start by not judging them. Calling it brainwashing nonsense is just making you look closed-minded, when being an Atheist is more about having an extremely open mind. Some people need to feel like they have been put here on earth for a reason and if religion is what helps Johnny No name to not off himself because he has lost his house, job and family due to .. then so be it. Jesus loves him.. to each their own :)

I would agree with the first comment, just tell her you wont be making the wedsneday bible study if she can't commit herself to church every sunday. And if religion isn't doing the trick, send her on to AA

Answer 6

Your friend if admitting she has an alcohol problem, should get herself enrolled in an extensive alcohol rehabilitation program like AA to name one which I believe is the best program out there. In fact, I'm working on my 7th year of sobriety as I voluntarily put myself through the program. And part of the basic fundamentals of the program is based on biblical principles. Therefore, not only would your friend be surrounded by people who have been and are going through the same thing she's going through, and that's battling the disease of alcohol. I mean, it's fine and great that you're taking her to church and I encourage that you keep taking her as it's a great forum to detour her from her addictions. Yet, she needs to be involved in a program where she has common ground with people of her likeness. You follow me? Once she becomes acclimated in a structured program geared just for her, she'll find herself and ultimately gain control and perhaps venture to the deeper core of her higher power, God. Get in the program. Alcohol is a horrible disease and quoting scripture to your friend once or twice a week is not quite going to help ween her off of her vice.

Answer 7

First of all , do not push her. Maybe at this time in her life, what she needs is that Bible Study, more that being around other people. Allow her to come to your house and go through the study with you- God could be using you to draw her to Himself, and to stop the journey to recovery from her drinking problem. Telling her that not going to church is a sin, is not going to help her want to go. Is she a Christian already still struggling with alcoholism, or a non-believer. Either way she may need to have a one on one with you before she feels comfortable sharing her life at church.

Answer 8

People who are helped by going to church OR AA are people who have decided they want to be helped. Unless and until this person is motivated to change, she won't. If she's motivated to go to church or to study with you, it's apparently for some other reason than stopping drinking. Does she believe she has a problem, or do YOU?

Answer 9

Well, it would be best not to push her too hard, she may just not be ready to commit to attending church all the time yet, work on it, things may well work out just fine over time. Being too critical of things often overwhealms and turns many people away from churches.

It's not a sin to miss church. Although it is healthy for the Christian life.

Answer 10

Advise her that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Bible study is great but once a week like you said is not enough. Think about it in terms of eating you don't eat a balanced meal once a week and expect that meal to take you through the rest of the week if you did you would starve your physical body. The same holds true when it comes to you spirit man if you don't fed it (the spirit) will begin to die. Let her know that you enjoy the bible studies as well and that going to church on sunday will only enhance what she is learning in the studies. I pray that this helps. Be Blessed.