How do you deal with a person who is manipulating a relative?

Question

A girl I met several years ago and was on-and-off friends with became involved with my fiance's brother. She has a history of using men. She has a sob story about how the last guy did her wrong, uses his sympathy to get the next guy to take her in. She lived in my future mother in law's house rent-free for eight months. (You get the picture.) Anyway, because we were friends, she told me about how she dumped all her previous guys. I feel burdened by carrying these secrets from my future family, but I don't know a diplomatic way of dealing with this situation. My fiance's brother is naive and reacts in a hostile manner to anyone who tells him negative things about her. She has pretty much ditched him but he is too blind to see what she is doing. How should I handle this?

(I met my fiance when this girl became involved with his brother back when I still associated with her.)

Answer 1

You feel burdened partly because the girl was your friend at the time she met your future brother in law, and so you feel responsible for having lumbered him with a girl who is untrustworthy. But you aren't. You didn't manipulate them into a relationship, that was their mutual choice.

Since your fiance's brother won't hear a word against her, he'll have to continue the relationship until he either sees her for what she is, or she dumps him. Either way, it's not your responsibility, it's his.

If you feel you have to unburden yourself, talk about it privately with your fiance, if you think he'll listen. Then it's up to him whether he chooses to tell his brother or not. But you shouldn't feel it's your responsibility, or that you are somehow to blame for the situation.

wimsey

Answer 2

If you introduced her to him and that led to them being dating then I guess you can just tell your future brother in law that you don't want him to get hurt but you know her for quite a while and she's known to manipulate men, you just want him to be careful with her..that's all. Don't give him a lot of detail, besides you don't really know IF she is really in love with him and you could damage a probable good relationship. Don't go around spreading rumors about her, it wont look on your part, stay away from all drama as it could cause you a big problem.

Answer 3

Make sure all family members know you are not friends with this woman and not someone you want to have anything to do with because of her basic lack of respect. Don't have anything to do with her again. Don't tell anyone anything else, its really not your responsibility for your future in-laws, they are grown up and make their own decisions. Also don't let them blame you for their decisions.