I was invited to a wedding that I RSVPed for but a month before the wedding I was uninvited because the groom and bride didn't want me to distract their bestman who is my boyfriend from his responsibilities. The weird part of it is that I had been dating him for over a year and I know most of the groom's family who will be at the wedding. How do I let them know that I don't appreciate the way they handled this matter? The worst part is I spent money on an outfit and their wedding present.
2007-08-17 07:07:53 · 30 answers · asked by sda1381 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The groom's family was really offended by the decision because they knew I wouldn't be much of a distraction to my boyfriend. My boyfriend couldn't turn his duties down because the groom is his only brother and sibling and although the groom went along with the bride's decision, I want my boyfriend be part of his brother's special day even if it means I won't be there to share in the celebrations.
2007-08-17 07:44:14 · update #1
My boyfriend did stand up for me and he's got my back all the way. I feel the issue might be that I get along much better with the groom's mom than the bride. That's the only reason I can think of right now. The only reason I am being very supportive of my boyfriend being his bestman is because the groom did apologize for the situation. His bride is some high strung socialite and is paying for the huge wedding and although I don't see how I one person can be distracting, she feels that I shouldn't be invited. I will leave her to her miserable childlike behavior. All I can say is what goes around comes around.
2007-08-17 08:05:03 · update #2
sounds to me like they have some jealousy issues and may very well be heading to divorce lawyers fairly soon! Seriously though a month before the wedding is very tacky, and if I were your boyfriend I would have said I am not going to be a part of your wedding if I can't bring a guest. Every invitation usually goes out to person and they can bring one guest by wedding etiquette. A lot of people don't like attending weddings by themselves because it's a celebration of love, so most people bring their significant others or even a close friend with them to weddings. If you are still friends with the couple that uninvited you, I would simply tell them, "look what you did was very unclassy, and I don't appreciate being uninvited because you don't have faith that your best man will perform his duties for your wedding. Obviously you have no trust in your wedding party, and perhaps if you don't trust him to not be responsible enough to not be distracted by me then you should have asked someone else to be your best man. As it stands I will be civil to you for the sake of my boyfriend but that's it." Also you could just not say anything and send the wedding gift anyway with a card that says, "hope your wedding was beautiful, best of luck." That way they know you were hurt but you are the bigger person for still sending your best wishes to them. Hope this helps. Sorry you got uninvited it is tacky and rude of them to do this, but not much you can really do about it. Good luck.
2007-08-17 07:30:19 · answer #1 · answered by ekbaby83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read all the answers so far and the addendums.
I cant help but wonder what the groom would say if his best man said, "well if my girlfriend of 2 years isnt good enough for this wedding then neither am I??"
Absolutely unacceptable to all the parties involved to exclude you, unless they have something up their sleeve. Like introducing him to somone they feel is more "acceptable" which is sneaky and I am playing devils advocate here. But these are what if's.
The stuck up B*%%^* for a bride must have something else up her sleeve. A distraction..... I would think it would be more of a distraction for you not to be there.
Of course you could mention to your boyfreind that while he is playing at being the "best man", you will be out on the town in your new outfit with some of your friends. Never know who you might meet that night. Let "That" be his distraction.
2007-08-18 13:18:11 · answer #2 · answered by psstoffagain 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, um, to flatly answer your question...there IS no protocol to uninvite someone to a wedding once they've already been invited. For the bride and groom to do this is so unspeakably rude it's not even funny. Also, as a general rule, if you invite someone who is in a committed relationship (and dating for over a year would qualify in my book) you should always, ALWAYS invite their partner.
Having said that, I always also would rather err on the side of being polite than being rude. I wouldn't say anything to them. Either return the outfit or save it for another occasion (you'll have one). Definitely return the gift.
How you handle this with your boyfriend is your affair. I would expect my significant other to support me, rather than a friend in this situation. I would hope he would be as offended as you have every right to be, tell his friend (the groom) that if you're not invited, then he won't be able to participate either. However, please don't take it personally if your boyfriend decides to take the course of least resistance, fulfill his duties as best man, and go anyway. Men are kind of clueless with stuff like this.
Also, I would expect this is coming from the bride, rather than the groom. Just a hunch from someone who has seen way too many Bridezillas in her day. Please don't hold it against the groom's family unless you know they are knowledgeable of what's happened with your invite, and are supportive of it. My guess is, they're neither.
2007-08-17 14:34:52 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW. SOunds like the bride is jealous. That is UNbelievable.
If you don't feel like making a scene, graciously accept the un-inviting even though it's totally rude. Feel free to return their gift though.
So... the groom and your boyfriend are brothers... so if you marry your boyfriend the bride will be your sister in law? Boy do you have some long years ahead of you. But girls are vicious like that, don't let it deter you.
If I were you, even though you're hurt (I would be too), take the high road. You'll end up looking like the better person in the end. And definitely take back the gift. You don't give a gift to a wedding you were uninvited from.
2007-08-17 21:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah Jaye 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok so the bride seems to have gotten cold feet about you being there. The groom has taken the time and effort to say "I'm sorry". Your boyfriend did stick up for you.
You are doing the mature thing in wanting him to be there for his brother despite the actions of the bride.
So keep on being the mature one. She will have the family to answer to when everyone wonders where you are. I expect that his immediate family knows that you won't be there, however after a year in the relationship, the extended family would expect your appearance and ask. Let her be the one to show her claws.
Continue to be the better person and wait her out. It is doubtful the marriage will last when someone makes unreasonable demands like that.
2007-08-17 15:46:49 · answer #5 · answered by msbettyboop40 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow!
"Distracting the best man from his responsibilities?" Are you serious?
Sounds like some bride has some serious control issues. And she needs to put her ego in check! Hopefully someone will slap that bride upside the back of the head and help her realize that your boyfriend is there to stand up for them during the ceremony. He's not there to wait on her hand and foot.
Is the bridezilla threatened by you in some way? I know that sounds dumb, but if she's one of those high-stung, insecure types, she may see you as a threat (yeah, like, what are you going to do, really?) Does she perceive somehow that you've "wronged" her in her quest to have the perfect day? Since your details indicated that your honey is standing up for his brother, does she perceive that his parents like you better? She just sounds extremely petty & jealous to me.
In any case, the best you can do is to tell the groom directly, calmly and nonconfrontationally how disappointed you are that you're not going to be there to see them take their vows. Let him know you were really looking forward to spending the day celebrating with him, his new wife, family and friends. And leave it at that.
If they changed their minds, would you even WANT to go? I certainly wouldn't want to go celebrate with people like that!
Can you return the dress? If not, keep it for another social occasion. How about the gift? Return it! I'd certainly give them nothing.
2007-08-17 14:52:19 · answer #6 · answered by sylvia 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what rude and inconsiderate people!!!
I bet she is a bridezilla too. I think you and your boyfriend need to pour your heart out to the grooms mother and family. Get them on side. Then get them to approach the groom and tell him to grow a spine. Someone has to teach this little lady some manners....there are some things you just dont do!!! She does not sound mature enough to even be getting married....this is school girl behavior. How rediculous. Create a united front and confront the groom about this rubbish. Sounds like the poor groom is in for a lifetime of being pussy whipped, if he will let her do this to his own brothers girl. It is not like you have only been together for 3 weeks or something.....you have been part of the family for a year.
If they wont change their minds, then I think your boyfriend should ask them how would they prefer to have NO best man instead. They dont deserve to have him in their wedding anyways. Good luck.
2007-08-17 18:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely talk to the bride and groom about their inexplicably rude behavior. However, I would wait until after the wedding, because it will only create more problems if you do it before. Being a "distraction" is a b.s. reason to un-invite you to their wedding, and I am sure they know that. Until the wedding all that you can hope that something changes (ie - the stick removal from the bride's ****.) Once the wedding and honeymoon are over, if you still feel upset, you should express your feelings honestly but as respectfully as possible.
2007-08-17 17:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by greenergrad07 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I have read all of the answers to your question. But here is mine. How do they expect you to even speak to them after this. I would not even look at them after that, much less speak to them. To go through the trouble of "un inviting" someone is a big deal. There are people that I would have loved to scratch off my wedding list but I knew that it would cause problems (I am talking co workers here...not the best mans woman!) DO NOT give them a wedding gift. That would be just a slap in your own face. Try to get your money back for the outfit and simply make it known that they are very unappropriate in their actions and that unfortunatly their error in judgement will have long term effects. And then if you end up marrying the best man....exclude them from your invite list!
2007-08-17 15:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me say kudos to you girl! You're being the bigger woman by not throwing a hissy fit over your boyfriend remaining best man. His future sister-in-law is a bridezilla!
If he's apologized for the situation, he already knows that its wrong. And unfortunately, from what you'd told us about her, I doubt she would care that you were offended unless you showed up and completely crashed the wedding! At least you should be comforted knowing that the rest of the family is on your side in the situation. I just feel bad for the groom--she has him wrapped around her finger, and he's going to wind up miserable.
2007-08-17 15:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Ari 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋