Please! critique this in person interview thank you letter?

Question

My name
My address
City State, ZipDate





Organization's Name
Their address
City State Zip



Dear Ms.Jones:

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me in depth about the position of Blah and the Organization

I enjoyed learning more about the specific teams of the Organization and their importance in doing what they do . I was particularly happy to learn that everyone lends a hand in supporting each other on different projects.

My experience in another blah has taught me that different approaches are needed to reach specific audiences. Particular subject is very important to me and believe I could help the organization with my__________________ skills.

I look forward to hearing from you. Again, I am
available anytime at my home phone, cell phone or email

Answer 1

The first problem I have is with the sentence beginning with, "I was particularly,.....etc.",:

if you were even particularly happy to learn, so what? You're talking down to this person.

Then, it wouldn't take much experience to know how to choose an audience.

Would you rather host a party for visiting dignitaries, or the winners of last year's free-style rap music awards.

I don't usually criticize other people as long as I have my own issues, but you asked for it.

Answer 2

Just a couple things not that I was an english major or whatnot ;)

1) 2nd sentence, slightly revised: "I enjoyed learning in more detail about the specific teams of the Organization and the importance in the tasks that each team and individuals embark on."

2) 3rd sentence: "I was particularly pleased to learn that everyone lends a hand in supporting one another on various projects as I share in that philosophy of teamwork though working independently as well when appropriate.

3) 5th sentence: "Particular subject" is very important to me, and I (added comma after 'me' and an 'I') believe that I could really be an asset to your organization with my _____ skills.

4) 6th sentence: I am really looking forward to hearing from you again. (Leave off 'again') Please feel free to reach me by way of my home phone, cell phone or email address. (I wouldn't put that you are available 'anytime' as it may seem as though you don't have enough to do during the day even if you do :)

Great job though! And I really hope that you get the position. I've been to plenty of interviews where I haven't gotten the job but at least got the experience in interviewing and such ;)

Answer 3

maybe the following changes might help / totally your call as it's your letter.
*****************************************************************
It was a pleasure to have met you and I thank you for our lengthy discusion of the position of Blah within th blah Organization.

I enjoyed learning more about the organizations structure and roles of the specific teams. I left with a positive impression about the this is a team that supports each other and plays well together.


My experience in another blah has taught me that different approaches are needed to reach specific audiences. I think that can contribute to the effectiveness of the blah team with my experiences and ___________ skills . Our conversation has only served to have reinforced the positive impression I had previously had of your company.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you should have any additional questions, please don't hesitate to call or email me.

Answer 4

That looks pretty standard to me. You've removed all traces of context from it, so it's hard to tell if the candidate was all that insightful, but it seems pretty good to me.

Answer 5

Sounds standard. . . Interestingly, people that don't have good grammer giving advice on grammer. Let the letter be you, not someone else. Pick it up tomorrow and go over it. If you like it, send it.