My son got married in April, he sat me in the back (outdoor wedding) but I couldn't see. I left early, now he'

Question

He got mad at me for leaving early. My son called me 10 days before the wed & told me "Dad was bringing his 2nd x-wife to the wed." I was in shock since she walked out on him and their 3 kids 8 yrs. ago. Her name has not been ment.I have hated her for years shedhad an affair w/ my hub. I was in shock, I asked him how long did he know, my son lied to me and said Mom just don't make a scene at my wedding. WELL I was double shock. I told my son, to do2 favors. Make sure I don't have to look at them at the dinner and don't seat me in the back at the wedding.I raised him on my own., no dad He said ok, but it happened anyway. I had to fly to Florida for the wedding. He sat his father at the front table along with his kids with her, I was humiliated, so after the wedding, the buffet and our mother/son dance I told my son I was leaving he asked y, i said I can't see anything anyway, it's best I leave. He said his wife did it, blame it on her, that I can't always have my way. I don't get my way

Sorry I ran out of room. However to you very anger people, I have been fine w/my ex for years, it's her I can't tolerate, she wanted everything during my divorce, not only my hub. but my house, she "said she wanted my kids" my CAR. she's just not the type of person I would ever hang around w/. "she's" very selfish. So that behind me. My ex was already seated, I arrived w/ my mother & she wouldn't sit near my ex, but I did to show my son, I was the bigger person, I already had told him THIS IS YOUR DAY!!! however, I sat down, through the toast, the honors, the dinner, the Father/daughter dance etc. the photographs and I showed no displays except myself...an extremly proud mother. I have loved my future DIL, we have been so close, I (use) to talk to her more than my son because he travels. I walked out 20 min. past our song & everyone was dancing, I said Good-bye to ALL, it got very cold for FL & I only said I had a chill. Her parents knew I had Surg. scheduled when I returned.

Everyone AND everything was just fine. It was outside on the water In FL. They know how much I love them, I tell them all time. Knowing his dad, Unfortuntely, I think it was him that influenzed my son. If you are a single parent & everyone told you what a fine job you did, then got seated in the back of your sons wedding, believe me it would hurt. If you saw the pics. you would never guess how hurt I was, Oh I bit the bullet alright. So I thought it was better that i left before I did start crying, I thought Oh Yeah that would be a scene. Now, do you think I did the wrong thing? But my son just told me it was my DIL that did the seating arrgmnts, but I don't believe him. I am speechless. Honestly I am a giver, not a taker, I don't try & hurt my kids, but my ex has . Oh and FYI, I paid 100% for "our" daughters wed. 3 yrs. ago when he told me he would pay me back & never did. My kids told me they could never rely on dad.But he has changed & I don't want to see him, Is that wrong too?

Answer 1

Your son is trying to pass the buck to his new wife. Not fair. You do not seat the mother of the groom in the back of the room. You should have had a place of honor. It was his responsibility to make sure of that. He can try to blame her (not a good start to a marriage) but it was his responsibility to ensure you were treated with respect.
You did the right thing- you went to the wedding knowing it would be uncomfortable, you stayed long enough to do the mother son dance and then you left. Now if you had flat out refused to attend given the circumstances, that would have been wrong. But you didn't, you went.
Your son had to have known the situation would be uncomfortable for you- he's just trying to lay the blame on you so he feels less guilty.
you are right. he is wrong.
.

Answer 2

I'm very sad about how your son has treated you.

When a divorce has not been amicable, the usual custom is to seat the parents separately. Mom (or the parent with whom child has lived) is seated on the front row. Dad (or the parent with whom child did not live) is seated on the third row. The second row can be left empty . . . or filled with siblings, grandparents, or other family members.

It is also customary to seat divorced parents at separate tables for the reception.

It sounds like you did just fine. You did not make a scene. You stayed for the ceremony, the buffet, and the mother/son dance. As long as you left quietly and did not draw the other guests' attention to your departure . . . then you did just fine.

It is sad that your son and his bride were unaware of the traditional etiquette for this situation, especially since you traveled some distance to be there for them.

But if you hope to continue a pleasant relationship with son and his bride in the future . . . well, unfortunately there is really not anything you can do about it now. It's past, it's over and done with. Perhaps traditional etiquette should have been discussed before the wedding date? But if you attempt to discuss it with them now, they will probably get angry . . . and that is not the result you want.

I am sorry this happened to you.

Answer 3

For those mean people. It doesn't matter that this is their day. He should show respect and love to his mother. Wedding is not only about the couple is about having your family there with you. And your mother should be right next to you, or seating very close to you on that day.Not all the way to the back. It's totally inconsiderate, rude, cruel and disrespectful.

I can imagine that day without my Mon standing next to me.
For the mom I think you tolerate a lot because I would leave as soon as I notice where I was suppose to be seated. I would cry and feel humiliated and hurt.

And also I think it's totally different when your husband and you get divorce for mutual decision, that when you get divorce because he cheated on you. How can you be close to the person who interfered with your marriage. And I bet that the mom it wasn't about to make a scene on hers son wedding.

Answer 4

WOW im really sorry you feel the way you are. I feel as a daughter of a single mother that he should of respected your place as a mother more. perhaps he should of helped his wife do the seating chart and made sure you were up front rather than his father with the woman whom he cheated on you with.

Maybe he doesn't understand why or how you are thinking. I'm sure he's hurting because of this situation though because as a daughter who has had several arguments with my mother, I know it hurts us just as much as it hurts the mother. If I may suggest, ask your son to go out to dinner with you alone one night (if you guys are still in the same town) and if not ask him to call you when he's alone and free from distraction. When he does, explain to him how you feel and then let him explain to you. Talk about things, and apologize to each other, him for not looking after you at his wedding, and you for leaving early. I think that no matter how upset you are because of your child's wedding or because of an accurance at the wedding, you shouldn't leave your child's side that night.

Best of luck

Answer 5

Yes you had every right to leave, your son should of never let you sit in the back in the first place. Your ex sure is a real piece of work. I would just not talk to any of them for a while so I could just cool down.

Answer 6

ignore and act like he does not exist. when he wants something say that you are at the back table in florida and can not help you right now. when i get back from the beach i see what i can do for you. then after that act like it doesn't hurt you. why care about what his other wife did. all you can do is be healthy and happy that is the best revenage don't make yourself old over something you could not control. as you can see you husband got what he deserved and is continuing to get what he deserved by her coming back in his life. i would be smiling from ear to ear.

and if the wife had any sense she would have not allowed him to do that. all women should know how he treats his mother is how he is going to treat you.

Answer 7

Seriously, you were sat at the back of your own sons wedding! They should be thankful that you braved face long enough to last to the dance at the reception. My sson to be mother in law would have left in tears right after the ceremony if this would have happened to her. Me, myself. I would have stayed for the ceremony and walked right to my car. I would have only stayed for the ceremony because it was my son, other than that...no. I think you lasted longer than most mother of the grooms I know would have. How humiliating. Seriously, if I would have seen that as a guest I would natrually think that your relationship with your son was very sour. Why else would his mother be in the back of the room?

Answer 8

Now that you've gotten that out of your system decide today if you want to be at all a part of your son's new life? Do you expect to see your grandbabies? Decide today how you are going to be and how you are going to act around these people. Because it'll be all too easy for them to exclude you again unless something big changes.

Answer 9

I'm not justifying what your son did was right, but men in general have no clue how to handle things. They just want the problem to go away on its own and not take ownership. He may have not even mentioned to the new wife how to handle the situation. He didn't want any problems but in reality even if you sat exactly where you wanted would you have still been happy? This was trouble way before the wedding, way before he got engaged. Your resentful for other things and you may be taking it out on him.

Answer 10

Why did your son blame his wife? Sounds like a great start to a wonderful marriage there.

But in all that you wrote, I missed your question.