How would you feel if this happened to you?

Question

My family is big on family events. Like my aunts always complain if one family is not there for their event (ex. showers, weddings, baby showers...etc) the thing is I attained every stupid funciton they had and now its my turn to get married and have a shower and now none of them want to come to my shower. I feel like I did something wrong. I went to everything they had and got nice gifts for them or brought something for the occasion they were celebrating. I know I am wining about it but I just feel like they owe me for going to their things. I don't care if they buy me something...I don't care...i just want them there for how i was there for them. Thats all. It wouldnt matter to me if it was a something silly like a just because party, it bothers me because its my wedding shower and my godmother aunt will not attain and for something religious you would think she would be there because missed out on my commiuion and such. i attained their things, i just want to attain mine.

Answer 1

this is SO my family! all you can do is cut your losses, enjoy your shower with the people who are decent enough to attend, and make some decisions about how much you're willing to put your neck out in the future.

Answer 2

Been there and done that. After years of attending bridal and baby showers for my family members, when it came to my turn it was announced that there would be NO bridal shower given. The reason? "Since it is the holidays, we just don't have the money." (My wedding was at Christmas time.)

I understand the hurt you are going through. I mentioned to my aunt recently something about bridal showers and she didnt even remember that I didnt have one.

Only time and support from your soon-to-be-hubby will help. Plan a very dressy date and get each other a present. Enjoy yourselves and be thankful you have each other.

Answer 3

I would feel very similarly to how you feel. Unless you say something to your family nothing will change. It is quite unfair of them to expect so much of you and return so little. Try to find a way that is both polite and respectful to express your feelings, perhaps if they knew how much this is bugging you they would take steps towards a resolution. If they know how hurt you are and still can't find a way to compromise, remember their actions in the future. It may be juvenile, but perhaps not bending over backwards for people who won't make you an option is the best way to show them you aren't a doormat and will not be treated as such.

Answer 4

Like you, I would feel very hurt if my family refused to show me support at a time like this. It really sounds, though, as if this is an ongoing pattern: you're there for them, but they aren't around when you have a triumph or need a hand.

So have a good cry, but then you need to move on. Rely on those who are there for you, and don't bother being there anymore for those who have shown you again and again that you are not a priority to them.

As hard as it is to understand or accept, you cannot force people to care about you, even if they ought to. All you can do is decide how you are going to handle things now that you know where you (don't) fit in their lives. The best thing you can do is concentrate on your upcoming marriage and the friends who have shown themselves willing to stand at your side.

Best of luck to you. I wish you peace and happiness.

Answer 5

At a recent wedding not only did the bride and groom respond to questions of do you intend to honor this person...but the gathered people who were there to witness the event answered the question of will you honor this couple, support and encourage them.
Will you, the congregation love, honor and support this couple? Your "family members" have already answered this loud and clear with a resounding NO we won't!
So, as many before me have said, you don't want them there. The people you want, the one's you thought you knew, the ones whose events you attended--they don't exist --except in your mind. That's a painful realization to come to. However, it's a healthy one. Grab hold of it and come to grips with it now, before they hurt you anymore. Once you open your eyes to see them as they really are, and let go of the childhood expectations that they cannot fulfill, you will be a happy, joyous bride who has grieved over the loss of childhood dreams and is willingly facing adulthood with the love of her life at her side. Embrace your new family and let the old one go. It never really was what you thought.

Answer 6

I know what you mean. I've been there for a lot of people and the ones you'd expect to be there get selfish. I think you should focus on the people that do come to your shower. And who helps with your wedding planning, it's a reality check. I've crossed some names off of my list of supposedly good friends. Weddings bring the worse out in some people, they may be jealous of your happiness.

Answer 7

The word is ATTEND-
So she isn't coming- so what? show some grace- tell her she will be missed and go have a good time. Why did you keep score on home many functions you attended? Stop being a baby, act like a grown woman whose about to get married. End of story-

Answer 8

Its ATTEND.

Second, not everyone is as nice and giving as you are.

Do not be spiteful like some are saying and not give them gifts or anything. Do what you normally do and realize you are the better person.

Who knows, maybe they ARE planning a shower and you just don't know about it!

Answer 9

Attain? I think you mean ATTEND. Anyway, yes I would be very hurt also. But you can't MAKE her attend your wedding shower. I just would make a point to not attend anymore of HER functions!! See how she likes it!

Answer 10

I understand how you can feel hurt because of this but the last thing you want to do is surround yourself with people who don't want to be there. Don't worry about whose in attendance and enjoy your shower.