Is it wrong if I don't attend my grandma's funeral?

Question

I live int the USA and my family lives in Hungary. My grandma's funeral will be next week. The plane ticket is expensive in this season.
What do you think?

By the way my family in Hungary told me not to go.... They understand

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand the expense situation and I'm sure your family will understand as well if you truly cannot afford to go and they cannot help you either. I have no doubt your grandma is looking down from heaven and understands as well. The important thing is that you had a wonderful relationship with her while she was still alive so that you have a lot of great memories to remember her by. God bless.

Answer 2

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I know the financial hardships that funerals and weddings can cause. Hungary is a long ways to go for a funeral. I would send a card and some flowers expressing your regret that you can't make it. Your local florist will be able to send them on your behalf. I don't know how much it will be, but it will definitely be less than a plane ticket. I've been pricing tickets overseas too and I can't afford it. I know what you're going through. Surely the family will understand that you can't afford a ticket at such short notice. You might also look into a bereavement rate. I think airlines sell tickets for that reason at a discounted rate. If the family and friends don't then it's their problem, not yours. My condolences to you and your family.

Answer 3

Would your grandma have wanted you to go the expense just to be there at her funeral? Was it her personal style to place a lot of importance on ceremony and having people there for it, or was she pretty much indifferent to stuff like that? Think about what she was like, and what her preferences were, and you'll have your answer.

My grandma passed away last summer, and she'd long since gone on record as saying that she didn't want a lot of fuss OR having people go to all kinds of trouble on her account. There was a funeral service about a week later, but only her friends and family in the immediate area came to that one, or the ones that were in a position to just pick up and go to the service right away. We (her kids and grandkids, and spouses and squeezes) are a far-flung bunch, most of us have jobs, so a lot of us couldn't make it.

Several weeks after that (actually, on Labor Day weekend) we had a more informal gathering and the majority of us WERE able to get there. Having a few weeks' lead time and a long holiday weekend made it easier for everyone else.

For me, I felt that going to the Labor Day gathering, but not the funeral service, both honored my grandma AND respected her wishes about not having a lot of fuss made over her. Think about your grandma's personal style, and what other plans your family might have, and then you'll know what to do. Hope that helps!

Answer 4

You might check with a few airlines before you decide against it. There are special discounts for people who are attending the funeral of a close relative. Call their 800 numbers to find out, or talk to your consulate if you're a Hungarian national. You may have to get a copy of a death certificate to prove you're not making up a dead granny for cheap airfare, but you can get a really good deal that way. If it's been a while since you've seen your family, it sounds like this may be a good opportunity to see them again without having to fork over a lot of cash.

It's not "wrong" not to go to the funeral, but I would really try if I were you.

My condolences.

Answer 5

I am sure your Grandma would understand if you could not come due to fiancial reasons. I was not able to make my Grandmother's funeral due to the same reasons. Hopefully the living realatives will understand also. Don't feel guilty about it. If you want to go and just need a little help with the tickets you can contact the airlines and ask them for a breravement ticket or a hardship ticket. The prices are usually 100s of dollars cheaper.

Answer 6

First off, I am sorry for your loss...

I know what you mean. One time, a relative of mine passed away a long time ago. The funeral was to be held in another country, but it was such a bad season (plane tickets at the time was expensive for my family, and we really didn't have the money at the time). I really wanted to go because it was someone I really knew so well, but my family decided to send one of our relatives to represent us in the funeral and send our condolences.

Up to this day, I still wished I had the money to go on my own and send my support. I regreted it, and felt really sad thinking about it. I was able to go to that country this summer and paid my respects at her burial site more than once with my relatives, even tho it was so many years after her funeral. This was my small way to make up for my absence and show my respect with the presence of other family members who were close to her as well.

All I can say is, if you really can get the money, I say you should go. This is your grandmother, so please do show your respects and send your condolences. If you can't due to financial problems (like what I had experianced unfortunatly), send a relative or someone to represent you who is able to go and let them pass on your condolences. If you are unable to find anyone for you, the least you should do is send a letter to your relatives there. This shows that you care.

I hope this helps. I hope your family is doing well in these times.

Answer 7

There is nothing more important than family. You should do anything you can to get the money for the ticket and go. How will you feel in two, five or ten years about not going? Do you have a friend that might lend it to you? I am sorry for your loss. I truly hope you can make it to the funeral. Good luck.

Answer 8

Ask the airlines about bereavement fares. Some will offer you the lowest price for this.

If it's still too expensive, send your condolences and sympathies in a card in the mail to the immediate family in Hungry (grandpa, aunts, uncles, etc). Send flowers to the funeral if possible. I think everyone will understand that you could not make it due to the distance, time, and money involved.

Answer 9

It all depends on how close you are as a family and if you can realistically afford the plane journey. I mean, if your gonna really struggle to pay the bills because of the plane trip, then i wouldn't go but i would try my best to attend the funeral because its a sign of respect.

Answer 10

If I were you, I'd go, if not for the funeral, then for the chance to reunite with family and see the world for a bit. Remember that this will only happen once and unfortunately funerals are one of the few times whole families gather, so I wouldn't miss it if I were you.