OK, so you all tell me NOT TO SPANK but instead take away toys and time out?

Question

Besides the fact that I am spending half of my day putting him intime out while my daughter is crying for a bottle or in the MIDDLE of drinking a bottle, diaper change, whatever, I've taken away most of his toys and now he's bored and all he does is terrorize us.

YES, I play with him a 3/4 hours a day BUT when I am cooking or doing laundry (yes I have to do those things so we can eat and have clothes to wear, don't tell me to play with him all day) he's jumping on his sister or just bugging her for fun. Then when I tell him no TV, Oh forget about it, he is tearing up the house BIG TIME. Torturing his siter while breaking things, loosening door knobs on cabinets, spilling my water everywhere, etc.

My big question is, when you've taken away ALL of his toys and privelages, what the heck do you do with a 3 yr old!? How are they supposed to get through the day with out terrorizing everyone. YES I PLAY WITH HIM and color with him and play play doh with him (if I haven't taken the

YES, I involve him in house work, but he doesn't want to help me cook and clean all the time or the other 8 hours of the day he is awake when I am NOT playing with him.
YES, I play with him and spend time with him
NO, he doesn't go to school (we can't afford it)
YES, I set up playdates a day or two a week.
Why should I not spank in ADDITION to taking SOME, not all, toys and privelages away?

NO he doesn't eat processed food, I cook his meals. No he hardly has sugar.

YES, I praise him 1000 times a day and encourage him.

I knwo it sounds like he should be an angel and I don't appreciate being questioned about my honesty. Maybe this will help, he acts exactly like I did when I was his age and then people say he acts just liek my father did at his age also. Rambunctious behavior runs in our family as children. Not all kids are robots, just because you take toys away and give consequences doesn't mean they are not going to still be mischevious and daring. every child is an INDIVIDUAL, he is not a push over and he is not passive. He is a go getter and a doer, right now he is difficult but I know he will be successful when he is older BUT I have to make sure to guide him the right way, not let him run the roost.

Answer 1

Girl, you do what is best for your child. Everyone from your mother to the check-out girl at the grocery store will tell you what to do with your child. Don't listen to them. My parents spanked me, and it taught me that I shouldn't do things. Taking things away doesn't have that much of an effect, kids are easy occupied with many things, what is a couple toys going to matter? Sometimes, spanking is just what it takes. Just do what you feel is right. And good luck with your little peanut!

Stephanie

Answer 2

I have a few kids like this!! My husbands family and my own think we are terrible parents because our kids are rambunctious and wild like yours. I don't know if I'd like little robot kids that do what you say when you say it and nothing else. Might be a little boring!! But we do have to discipline them. We have decided not to use spanking except in very serious matters because of the negative effects it had on our older kids when they were younger. We use the "naughty chair" with the younger two (2 and 4) and the corner for the older four. It is so much work, but it's getting easier as time goes by. We give them one warning "If you don't stop, your going to the naughty chair" and now that's usually enough because they've been there enough times and don't like it. We only take toys away from the younger ones if they're used as a weapon. The older ones do get video games and stuff taken away for serious offenses or grounding. I don't think younger kids can make the connection between stuff and privileges being taken away and what they did that was wrong. That's why we use the naughty chair when they do something naughty. It is directly related. Hope this helps. Good luck and I think you're right about his future. He will be successful because of his strong personality!!

Answer 3

Look - sometimes you have to spank. As long as it's not in anger or abusive, and is used as a last resort, it is NOT abuse.
3 year old boys hit the "terrible threes" badly, I've heard. My sweet, always-listened, no discipline issue boy turned into a TERROR at 3... he's growing out of it now.
I teach Junior High and you can tell which kids have had no real discipline.
Do you have a specific place for a time-out? Like a naughty chair? We have one. Then we let HIM set the timer for 3 minutes, and he goes and sits on the time-out chair. If he gets out of the chair he gets spanked. (We only had to do this once -- they remember!!!). Then he comes to us, we hug him, tell him we love him, and tell him why he was in time-out (they forget). We tell him - if you do ___ again, you are in another time-out.
Do the 1, 2, 3 rule too. This even works in Junior HIGH!!! example:
___, you need to stop taking away your sister's toys. That's ONE. OK, you didn't stop. That's 2. Make a good choice and move away from her toys, or you will get a 3 and then a time-out. Do you want a time-out? No? Then stop. Go find something else to do.

My 3 year old is always INVESTIGATING but that equals WRECKING stuff.

My solution for the "boreds"? Play-dough. BY HIMSELF. Put it on the table with a big cheap plastic tablecloth underneath. Lay down the ground rules - no throwing, etc. Set the timer for 10 minutes. If he can play quietly for 10 minutes following the rules, he gets to watch some TV or whatever he loves to do. Timers RULE. I use them constantly - plus, they help teach about telling time!!!

Hang in there. The 2nd child's arrival is a steep learning curve... some days, the only thing that saves me is TV... ;)

Answer 4

I completely understand. Raising a toddler is tough especially boys since they are constantly on the go, curious and into everything. My son is 2.5 y/o and is usually the worst when I am on the phone or cooking dinner. Here are some things that I do, which have seemed to help. I also like the book, "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12", by Dr. Thomas Phelan.

We do not allow our son to watch tv. However, if I have an important phone call to make and my husband isn't home to help my son does like to watch a dvd called Zakland. The dvd is great and full of music and singing. So, I put that on and he only watches while I'm on the phone. Even if it means its only for 15 minutes and no other time.

When cooking dinner I have found that buying my son child sized utensils that are all his own he loves to help. When he gets bored with that he does have a few select toys that I only bring out when I'm cooking for him to play with. By having them put away the rest of the day he is usually really excited to play with them during the time I cook dinner.

Also, we do have a time out chair in our house. Actually it's a stool. I have found that because he cannot climb down from the stool as there is no back to hold on to he sits still. I place the stool in front of the mircowave and set the timer for 2 minutes. I tell my son he has to sit there until the timer beeps. Believe it or not, he actually sits there and watchs the time count down. Once it beeps he turns around to make sure we are coming to get him. Before I take him off the stool, I explain to him why he was in time out, he says sorry mom/dad and than we say I love you with hugs and kisses.

I know this is a tough time, but hang in there is will get better.

Answer 5

Ok, you've tried everything humanly possible and nothing seems to be working... and your are frustrated and tired and about to give up hope, right?

Well, don't give up...there's something that you can do to help him and to help you in the process.

Set a routine for your children. If you are a stay at home mother, it will be a procedure that will benefit you and the children in the long run. Have a specific time for everything.

It sounds as if your son is bored and has nothing really to keep him occupied. And the best way to cure the bored blues is to set up routines...Then comes the discipline. He's old enough to know right from wrong, so instead of just putting him on time out, explain to him why he's going on time out. Never raise your voice. Keep a cool tempo and watch his reactions. Stay consitent in your discipline and your routines. I'm not saying that this is an overnight process but with time, it will benefit you and him.

Good luck

Answer 6

I have the same problem with a 2 1/2 year old. I have never spanked him, but I am running out of options. But I do know that if you spank him, he will start hitting you and other kids, mostly siblings. Think about it - if you hit him when he does things that make you upset, when other kids do something that upset him, he is going to hit him and justify it in his own mind because that is what you do to him. Try offering rewards instead of punishments, such as "if you don't torture your sister (or whatever) all day today, then tonight we will spend a whole hour doing whatever you want." It may help a little, and I know firsthand that if it works for even one day it's worth a try. Good luck!

Answer 7

Alright, I am a mother of a 2 1/2 year old and a 13 week old we sound like we are in the same boat. Except mine are both girls. My 2 1/2 year old OMG is hyper. She does the exact same things your son does. Spank your child! I do mine and if that doesn't work then I put her in her room for 2 min. They say only put them in time out for as old they are. It seems to be working out lil bit better for me. I'm mean I am not an expert but I can understand how you feel. You can't feel bad for spanking them they have to learn sooner or later. It's just those horrible 3's. it will get better. Try my method and see if it works. Hope I could be at some help.

Answer 8

Well, I don't really have a ton to add. But, with taking his toys away...you don't take them away forever. You take them away for a set amount of time. Like an hour.

As for the time outs, make sure they don't last more then 3 minutes (they say a minute for every year he is) When he is 4, give him 4 minutes.

Also, remember to encourage good behavior. If he is doing something you like, then praise him. Most likely he is just wants your attention. He feels that being bad is his only way, even if it isn't good attention.

Raising children is very very hard. There are times you just wonder "why did I ever have kids". But, there are more times when you know why you had kids.

For me, having children is the hardest, yet the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

Answer 9

ok...I'm an elementary school teacher so i deal with kids ALL day. One thing you need to know is that you need 4 postive compliments for every 1 bad behavior. This basically means that you need to give more postive compliments to him on good behavior more than his bad behavior. Instead on focusing punishing his bad behavior...reward his good behavior. He's looking for a big reaction out of you and wants more attention (though you do give him quite a bit already)...but he sees that being a brat (excuse my term) gets attention from you.

For example if he is playing quietly/properly...speak out on it. Make a big deal about it. Such as... "Ben....Mommy loves how you are working quietly. Good job!!!...I love you." If you're doing work around the house and he dosen't bug you, you could say, "Thank you for letting mommy work, your such a big boy" and give him a hug and somther him with kisses.

Now if he does "bad" speak up on it....but state what he SHOULD be doing instead, not the bad thing he is doing now. For example if he is screaming...."Ben, be a big boy and use your inside voice"...if he gets quiet..."Thank you, you are such a smart big boy".

If he continues to do bad, speak on it, but allow him only 2-3 chances (pick one...but STICK to that number). Let him know..."Ben this is the 3rd time, I had to tell you to stop...You need time out" At this point if he misbehaves take way 3 toys at a time (..before you do this, give him all his toys back)


****Also if you plan on giving the toys back, you should do it as a reward system. All those times he is doing good, tell him as I stated above, then say "You earned a toy back".....he will naturally grasp the concept...and will work hard for it.

***this need to be consistent...so make sure your husband or boyfriend or whoever follows the exact SAME procedure. It won't work if they don't, because your son will know that he can get what he wants out of the other person.

***Also be very bland when taking away the toys...don't show frustrations...instead you want to show all the emotion when he does good things!

P.s: I must admit, I'm not against spanking though. It should be used VERY sparingly! and only 1 tap, nothing forceful***
But if you use what I stated above, you may not even feel a need to spank.
Good luck

Answer 10

Do you have any children PC programs? There are a lot of kids things that might interest him and won't mess up your computer. A good one is Kid Pix.
And yes, spanking is allowed, but discovering a method that bothers him is better. With my daughter, standing in a corner for 5 minutes worked best. She hated it.
Does he feed the baby once in awhile? How about playing Peek-a-Boo or naming the mouth, ears, etc... with the baby? Singing to her? By having him involved with her, he'll learn to interact on a learning/play instead of bully. Plus, asking him to keep an eye on her when you leave the room for just a few sec will make him feel more important, too!
It's not easy with 2 and it could be worst, just keep trying different methods and you'll make it.

Answer 11

It sounds like the 2 of you are in a power struggle and you sound really overwhelmed! This is what I would suggest.....
start fresh. Do something out of the ordinary. When he wakes up tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever you decide, tell him it is going to be a P day, which at my house is pajamas and pancakes, picnic lunch (on the blanket in the family room) , popcorn and a movie , and playtime. I do this when I feel like we are in a rut or are in too much of a power stuggle. I put on my best happy face, and dance around and sing, and just really work to stay calm and have a fun day. Sometimes we do what I call a family fun day at home.....I make breakfast into a face......egg hair, toast ears, blueberry eyes......etc. Sometimes it is like rebooting your computer. It just gets you a fresh start.

Try not to make it you and baby versus him. He will get resentful, and of course, act out. Work on the positive, praise the good he does.

Boys, at least mine, are destructive. They are not going to sit and play. Mine is 3.5 and just started playing with toys for the first time in his life this past week. Before that it was all danger boy all the time. It gets old.

Try to establish room time, where he plays in his room. Preferrably when sister naps, then you can do a few things. I started mine wtih 10 min, and have worked my way up. My daughter will play in her room for literally hours. My son can do like 30 min.

Good luck, these are fun and frustrating years. This too will pass, and they they will want the car keys, body piercing and tatoos!