My boyfriend said he never wants to get married, why?

Question

My boyfriend of over 4 years said he never ever wants to get married. When i ask why, he says, "it doesn't matter why." What would make him never wanna get married?

His parents are divorced, they separated when he was young. I'm sure it was hard on him, and them. But we are not them. I cant relate to him on that, cuz my parents have been together my whole life.

Getting married is something so special for me and I can't wait. But is it fair for me to stay with him and never get married?

I live with him, we've lived together for a year now. He says he wants to be with me forever, but just never get married...

Answer 1

no its not fair to you!! you need someone that agrees with you or you will never be completely happy

Answer 2

I know lots of kids from divorces are leery about tying the knot themselves. But forget your boyfriend's decision for a moment...would you settle for anything less than marriage in the end? Would you be as happy with living and having children with a guy you aren't married to? Lots of people are, and it's OK because it's their decision.
If you know you want to be married eventually, then you need to dig further into why he doesn't want to be married. I know that he says it doesn't matter, but it does to you. This affects your life too, let him know that! When he says he doesn't want to get married, what part of marriage is he shunning? It's not the long-term commitment b/c he's been with you for 4 years. Is it living together? You can live together and not be married. Same with children. Is he nervous that he doesn't trust his decision, how can he truly measure if he's making the right decision?There are lots of things associated with marriage that don't necessarily have to happen only when you are married. Pin down the true issue.

So my answer is no, it is not fair to you to stay with him and never get married if that is what you truly want. Ask him if not getting married means so much to him that he is willing to lose you. It's not a threat, it's the truth. In the same sense, it's not fair to him that you want to get married and he doesn't. The knife cuts both ways. You need to get him to actually talk to you about this because it's a big decision on both of your parts that may make or break this relationship.

Answer 3

You need to read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". When a man or a woman says they never want to get married, what they're saying is that you're not the right person. If marriage and maybe a family is important to you, then unfortunately he may not be the right guy.

Here's an example -- I have a friend who has been with a guy for 11 years. She has been waiting 8 years for a ring and proposal because she very much wants to have kids. Well, we've all told her, it's never going to happen. I think she is afraid to leave him, so every day she just hopes and hopes. It sucks to love someone who you think is the right person and then invest that much time with them. Meanwhile, her biological clock is ticking and she's almost 35 by now. I wish one day she would just leave him so she could find someone who WANTS to be with her instead of wishing he was the one. But everyone has their own lessons to learn.

I don't know how old you are, but just look out for yourself. I can tell you from experience because I wasted 6 years with Mr. Wrong and it hurt to leave, but now I'm much happier and available for when Mr. Right finally comes along.

Answer 4

He's right. It doesn't matter, really, why he doesn't want to marry. The fact is he's flat-out told you marriage is not in the cards. When a guy does that, listen to him. Accept that he's telling you the truth. It doesn't matter whether it's because his parents divorced or he simply doesn't believe in the institution, or that he believes the moon must align just so with Venus before a marriage is acceptable.

All you can do about it is sit down and really consider how you feel about this. Are you expecting him to change? Chances are he won't. Are you going to resent the fact that he still won't marry you several years from now? Be honest with yourself.

It's only fair to stay if you won't blame him later on and don't expect him to change. He's put his cards on the table.

But if you 'can't wait' to get married, I'd say you'll both be happier if you let him go now and find a guy who shares your priorities.

Answer 5

divorce is hard, that's one of the reasons I'm not so fond of marriage. Don't move in with him then he'll never see the reason to get married. and you need to think, do you love him or the thought of marriage? some people get more wrapped up in the thought of marriage and they actually forget about the after part, being together your whole life's. Maybe if you are ready to get married and start a life with someone, he's not the person you should be with. Talk to him again and tell him you're not expecting you guys to get married but you are considering it and you want to know if he'll ever think about it with you.

Answer 6

I've just recently got out of a 4 year relationship where the guy finally admitted that there was no way we were ever going to get married. That was after he played head games for years giving me the impression that it might happen.

So my advice to you is, armed with this information you have regarding your boyfriend, get out now while you still can. You're only wasting more time that you could be spending searching for the guy who wants to marry you.

You know the expression "he's just not that into you", well I finally took that to heart and you should too. He's given you his opinion on marriage so take that as your cue and make the break.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Hi sweet,

Same sit as you however, his parents are still together and he wishes they would have seperated. They stayed together for the kids but all his brothers and sisters are mentally scarred from all the hostility.

I've been with him for 11 years and this year I said I wanted marriage or I'm out because it means so much to me to have emotional commitment.....he agreed and has planned a trip for us to Antwerp in October to get engaged.

He is 40 this year so I guess growing up and I am 36, no kids.

Point is, there IS a chance BUT it's slim and when I think back to how sad I have been over the past 8 years, I should have left a long time ago.

There's plenty of lovely men out there who will love you with the whole of their heart in an unconditional way...it's hard to make your up so my thoughts go out to you and I wish you strength and courage.

Answer 8

I can tell you from experience that you won't be able to force, cajole, convince or connive him into doing it if he doesn't want to. I dated a girl for almost 7 years, engaged for the last year, but I never felt right about it. Definitely not excited about getting married to her. I mean, she was a great friend to have & we travelled & had a lot of fun together, but she just never had that special "it" quality. So, faced with the decision to marry & be confronted with those feelings every day, where I would end up cheating on her, or getting divorced (or both), I broke off the engagement & the relationship.
Looking back, I still feel bad about it -- I know she was crushed. But I just couldn't go throught with it feeling the way I felt, no matter how much she was looking forward to it.
I'm not trying to make a comment about how your boyfriend feels about you -- I couldn't possibly know. But if he feels forced into doing something he doesn't want to do, it won't work out in the long term.

Happy ending to the story: I did meet a great, funny, intelligent, sexy woman who has become my wife & mother of our son. We will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary in October. She has "It" & I knew it right from the start.

Good luck to you!

Answer 9

You may not want to hear what I am going to tell you but this is my advice: END IT AND MOVE ON. What I would do is have a talk with him and tell him your feelings that you believe in the sanctity of marriage and a family and you want to get married in the eyes of God. It is not fair to you and he is being very selfish. All I can say is that you have to call his bluff. If you are living with him, which I don't approve of, move out and go back home. If you live at home, tell him you are ending the relationship, and tell him why and if he changes his mind he knows where you live. Now, if he has a change of heart, and comes calling and begging for you for a reconciliation, make sure he has a ring, and you will set a date, otherwise, don't reconcile with him. Tell him that your parents don't approve that he doesn't believe in marriage. That is all I can tell you...it will take guts on your part, but if you don't call his bluff and walk out, he will continue to procrastinate, stall and the next thing you know is that you are in your thirties, your biological clock is running out and you are unmarried. My neice had to walk out on her boyfriend of 11 years and that is what did it, he came crawling back with a ring, and they married six months later. They are now happily married. So don't be afraid...do it. He will respect you more for it.

Answer 10

I kinda have to say that it really doesn't matter why. He feels the way he feels, and he's honest with you. You can't "do" anything to miraculously change his mind; maybe he will change his tune in the future, maybe not. If marriage is important to you, then you have to find someone who feels the same. If you choose to stay with the man who never wants to get married, it's fine - but you have to accept that marriage will not be a part of your future. The ball is in your court.

Answer 11

If he is telling you he never wants to get married, listen to him. He isn't just saying that as a joke. He means it. If marriage is something that's important to you, you need to move on. You've invested 4 years in this man, he's told you his plans, and they aren't in line with yours. You don't need to know anything more. He isn't the right man for you, because if he was, he'd have already proposed by now.

With the next man you date, make sure you talk to him upfront about your position, and don't bother getting involved with someone who doesn't want what you want.