Can your wife stay at home with the kids and work while you are stationed at another post somewhere else?

Question

We are married but my wife wants to stay here with her family and not go with me where ever i go to in the military.

Answer 1

weell, yes, as long as you understand some very important things:

BAH will be based on where YOU are, NOT where she is, so if you get stationed in say South Carolina where the BAH is quite low, and she lives in San Diego where the cost of living is quite high, you run into snags.

additionally.. No Geo Batting allowed for the most part. meaning you cannot live in the barracks for free. If you have accompanied orders, you must live in town, thus maintaining 2 households on one BAH.

Third: No FSA unless you would have otherwise qualified for it.

Four: the cost of trips back and forth to visit will be all out of pocket.

Five: if she doesn't live near a base.. no access to base facilities, and possibly no access to Tricare Participating providers.. meaning more out of pocket costs in the long run.

Six: her place is with her spouse, wherever that is. If she chooses to not follow you, then she is not committed to making the marriage work.

Answer 2

Uh....... she married you so you are her husband AND FAMILY now. I know some people do it for a time but usually where the wife makes $80,000 dollars a year and everybody is older.

I assume this is not your case. Do you have kids? Well if so the kids need to be with Dad. Plus it is usually financially better to be together. You know... base housing, day care, community, etc. etc.

If you have no kids. As your wife would she not want to be with you? There are jobs everywhere. And what? When would you see her? If you get stationed 1500 or even 300 miles away how often are you going to see her? Does she want a family? If she got pregant how is that going to go?

There are too many variables. Your rank, age, how long you have been married, how this could impact your career socially and all sorts of things.

Point is if she finds her family more important than being w. you she has misplaced priorities whatever the case. You have made an excellent life choice for any couple and I suppose she is not comfortable with your life choice. If she really loved you she would not want you to be stationed alone somewhere else for years.

This leads me to think there is something else behind saying "I don't want to move". Either she is too immature to be a wife or is too immature to think ahead. If she married you while in she knew what she was getting into. My thinking is that she just does not care about you. All I'm saying is consider EVERY possibility.

Answer 3

I would have to agree with most of the people's responses. I have never seen marriages work while one is doing the geo-bachelor thing. Either one of the spouses is cheating on the other or they just fight and break up. They pretend everything is ok, but then you hear how they got divorced. I would never allow my husband to do that. I do support his career 100%. We once took orders overseas, and my father had cancer and my mother could not take him to the treatments, so I offered to stay behind and not go to Sicily with my husband to be there for my dad. My mother and father both told me be with your husband. You are a family now, go be with him and I did. So if your wife wants to stay behind to be with her family, it would only be right for her family to say be with your husband.

Answer 4

Why wouldn't your wife want to go with you?I have been separated from my husband 2 times both times were because he had to go somewhere,where I could not go with him.I would fallow him anywhere if I could.I understand the whole wanting to stay with her family,but you said you have kids and that's not far on them,or you,not being able to see there daddy every day just because she wants to stay in her comfort zone.I have seen a lot of this and most of the time it does not end up good.A friend of my husband and mine,wife stayed in there home town while he was stationed her and he went home to surprise her and caught her in bed with another man.I would not leave her there if I were you.

Answer 5

I suppose you can do that you like, however I hope you have a very strong marriage. Long distances place a great deal of stress on relationships, I'm not saying it's doomed, but you won't be making easy on yourselves.

Of course there are many down sides to living in the military environment, so perhaps your plan does have good merits to it. Best wishes to you and your family...

Answer 6

Yes, it's your marriage (do what is best for the family). I've known many people who were stationed one place while their spouse stayed at their home state.

Answer 7

She can stay as long as she isn't currently residing in government housing. If you get orders to someplace else, I believe that she would have to vacate. If she is staying in civilian housing then she is okay. There isn't anything that says she must accompany you on PCS moves. I would check with your Disbursing office to see how the pay would work.

Answer 8

You are being paid quarters allowance and rations. If you re living in quarters then why would you be paid quarters allowance, Same with rations.
Best solution, volunteer for an unaccompanied tour, Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea etc. Then you are OK.

Answer 9

Yep.

One summer I went 'home' and worked - hubby was going to be in the field all summer anyway.

I can't believe she means to do that your entire enlistment though....be very careful.

You'll get BAH based on where she is living.

Answer 10

It can be done and you will called a geo bachelor.

You will only collect your BAH and are required to send her the full amount if you collect it.

I know many families who have done this and none that have really survived..ask her to think hard about it..if she doesn't want to, I wouldn't force her since it might just make her resentful against you..

Good luck....