I have a coworker whos daughter is having a wedding shower and the whole office got 1 group invatation. There are a few people who work in this office who would probably get the girl a gift b/c they have worked with her mom for 15+ years and knew the girl as she was growing up. Well those few ladies now want to get a "group" present - basically so they dont have to spend as much on a individual gift! They are going to the shower (to give the gift) the rest of us are not. I dont even know the girl - and she has lived on her own and with her boyfriend for years - she doesnt even "need" things. How do I get out of having to give money for this?
2007-08-17 02:40:47 · 15 answers · asked by CoCoKauai 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Simply decline... "you" did not get the inventation, the group did. They are searching for gifts. It's rude for them to ask for money. If you don't want to go then you don't have to.
2007-08-17 02:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by Fighting Racoon 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ah, the eternal etiquette question of how to say no without appearing to say no. Don't give information voluntarily. Don't bring the subject up. Leave the room whenever someone else brings it up.
If someone does put you on the spot, politely but firmly insist on your privacy. Your "Thank you for asking, but I can't participate just now" should be sufficient refusal, and questioning this refusal is snoopy and pushy. Simpy repeat "Thank you, but I can't" over and over. If someone is really aggressive [aka rude] about it, switch to "I'll let you know if I change my mind. I'd rather you didn't bring it up again."
Some people may think your family is in financial difficulties or that you are a stingy curmudgeon. These are people who give far too much thought to what is none of their business and their intrusive interest should not concern you.
To avoid such situations in the future, I suggest you refuse all solicitations from co-workers in the future. Do not buy cookies from Sam's daughter, raffle tickets from Patty's church, or chip in for personal special occasions. "I'm sorry, but since I can't afford to participate in everything, the only fair thing is participate nothing."
You might make exceptions for personal catastrophes such as a death or serious medical crisis in a co-worker's immediate family.
If you are already known to have been a donor or giver in the past, it could be awkward to suddenly take a new, less approachable, position. Get the girl a "trinket" or "humorous" type gift, or a small value gift card.
The next day, without announcement or fanfare, you can commence your new policy of non-participation. What you must avoid is giving anyone the impression that this particular occasion was somehow "the last straw" due to some difference from other occasions. Your decision of non-participation should be seen to be based on general principles and/or personal reasons, not on anyone's actions in connection with this particular worker or event.
2007-08-17 10:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Group ideas are a great idea--IF you were planning on getting a gift. If everyone gives the $20 or whatever they were planning on spending, a group can get a present from the upper end of the registry.
The coworkers merely want to know if you would like to contribute. This is merely a question on par with "would you like to go to lunch with us today"; you are not obligated to do so.
Merely politely decline--after all, I assume you do not know this coworker very well. If you want to chip in, throw in whatever you feel is appropriate and you sign your name to the card. If you don't want to, say no. I seriously doubt your coworkers are trying to embarrass you or make you feel guilty about not giving a gift--they just don't want you to later say "I wish I would have known you were doing that...." We sent a group invite to our supply girls, not expecting any of them to come but not wanting to offend them (and have trouble ordering supplies in the future). None of them got a gift. It's not really expected from a group invite.
Tell your coworkers you don't feel comfortable going to the shower and be polite. That is all that etiquette requires.
2007-08-17 09:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just say to your co-workers that you're not going to contribute. It's not rude for the others to think you would contribute. It would be rude if the daughter was asking for money, but it's not the mother or the daughter it's your co-workers, who thought it would be nice if everyone got together and did something nice. People who work do it all the time. It's part of work and workplace relationships. Just like when some co-worker has a baby, you've got to pretend to care. Of course, you do have a right not to care or to be all uppity about giving simply because the daughter has lived on her own or with the fiance, but don't expect anyone to be impressed. You're burning bridges.
2007-08-17 09:51:58 · answer #4 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell your co-workers you don't know the girl and are not attending the shower so you will not be chipping in. I don't think it was rude to ask, they obviously didn't know your feelings on the matter and were just giving you the oppurtunity in case you wanted to. It doesn't sound like they are pressuring you at all. If you want to send your best wishes to the couple, get a card and give it to the girl's mother to bring to the shower; no gift required!
2007-08-17 10:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by Meems 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just simply decline. Let them know that you are not acquainted enough with this young lady to give her gift. Tell them you wish her well but you don't feel comfortable giving gifts to people you don't know. But if you feel bad about this, then give her mother a gift card from you to her daughter and tell her that you felt it was more appropriate for you to give your own gift then a group one. Good Luck sweetie.
2007-08-17 09:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by handvict81 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. You give some money towards the group gift, it's just all a part of office politics.
2007-08-17 10:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Politely decline. To be quite frank, I'm willing to assume that the only reason you were given a "group invite" was to be polite. Its rather rude for people to invite part of the office personnel to a function and not others. Chances are they were assuming that most of you are not going to be attending. If you'd like, send a card with one of the girls you know is attending, wishing the bride to be many congrats!
2007-08-17 10:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its selfish to invite a bunch of people who are not close to the bride to the shower. Even worse, a group invitation. I think your coworkers are on to something. They know most of the coworkers dont want to go. A group gift is a good idea, because then you all pay a lot less. And she only gets one gift, which is one more than she deserves.
2007-08-17 09:54:43 · answer #9 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If I were in your situation, I would follow the rules of etiquette and send a gift from myself with a card.
If you don't want to give a gift at all, even an expensive one, you aren't really being any more rude than the people who want to go with a shared gift- they are getting the glory of giving the gift while being cheap.
2007-08-17 09:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal P 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
IMO you do not HAVE to give any money towards the gift at all.
I'd donate $5 or $10 depending on how I felt at the time.
2007-08-17 09:58:12 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋