My sister has been engaged for 3 years and is getting married July 2008. Last year, I met my now fiance and we planned a wedding date for October 2008 (there are many reasons we have why we don't want to wait until 2009). My mom and sister are having a rough time with me wanting to get married then. They are saying that it is going to take away from my sister's wedding, when in retrospect, it will be the opposite, I feel. She is inviting about 200 people and my fiance and I only want about 50 people at the most. My mom doesn't want to pay for 2 weddings in one year, which I understand. However we want something very small and we are asking her to only pay for the reception. If we offer to have a church wedding next year in October (which we will pay for) and then we actually have the reception in April or May 2009 when she can actually pay for it, is that bad?
2007-08-17 01:32:25 · 21 answers · asked by alh3803 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You can have it any day you want to!
Hers is in JULY and yours is in OCTOBER, that is plenty of time between weddings.
And, save up to pay for your OWN wedding and not get help from mom and dad.
2007-08-17 02:34:03 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your wedding is 3 months after your sister's. I don't see why it would be a problem. However, with her wedding being large, I can see why your mom will be strapped. I feel that your wedding is a reasonable size & I really feel that you two should, if possilble, find a way to pay for both wedding and reception. Most churches, have another room, where you can hold a reception or if you'd like to take it elsewhere, like a hotel or something, you can price around, for such a small event it may not be as exspensive. To be married in Oct. and have a reception about 6 months later, that's long. Maybe you can limit the size of your reception to just family and close friends, instead of waiting for you mom to pay. Or you can get married in Oct. 2008 & then next year, Oct. 2009, throw a big celebration ((a reception)) for your 1 year anniversary. Maybe your mom can help pay for that if you need her help. Congrats and well wishes!
2007-08-17 01:45:38 · answer #2 · answered by Unique Soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definetely think you should get married when you want. She's been engaged 3 years! It's shouldn't be put on you to set the date you want back. Sit down w/ your Mom and get a budget straight on what she can afford. Then you will have to pay the rest. Just a question, how do you feel about winter weddings? Not sure where your from but I'm from WI and a winter wedding is just beautiful here. It would be so different from your sisters, plus it would give everyone a full 6 months to recover from the July wedding. But again, do what you guys want.
2007-08-17 02:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by sun day 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You asked if that was bad....and I would first say that you shouldn't worry if it's good or bad.....it's certainly a reasonable option; however, I will say the following in regards to the scenario you have outlined above.....
It is understandable that you would want family and loved ones at your church wedding, however; that also means that you will be having guests aside from immediete family, and it is customary for a reception to follow a wedding....which in turn also means your guests will have an assumption of a reception to follow and that might make for an akward moment or two.
My opinion would be to consider a civil wedding when you want to have it, meaning October 2008, and then plan the full on church wedding with reception to follow in 2009. The civil wedding will legalize your marriage when you want it legalized, and the later wedding, 2009, will be the wedding celebration that your mother wants to be able to pay for...and then your mother does as well get her joy too in your special day.
As far as the cicvil ceremony, you could treat it like an elopement, either by simply having a private courthouse ceremony, or by making a weekend out of it in Vegas, or a 3 day weekend in Maine, getting your license on Friday, getting married, and then having a personal weekend getaway to share the joy you feel for one another. Maine has no waiting period, as do other states.
Many couples use non-denominational ministers instead of the courthouse. and though the cermony would still be more civil in style, most officiants offer creative alternatives that are far better than the court house standard script. Plus, you have greater control on the location of your ceremony....many parks councils offer rental time at reasonable rates. You could have a small, initimate ceremony, in a favorite park, officiated by non-denominational minister for a very reasonable price...approx $200.00 to $500.00 depending on the area, and complexity of the ceremony you create. In addition, you could elect to have a few select guests if you wish, or you could keep it just you two...except in states where witnesses may be required...but your officiant may be able to help you with non-familiar witnesses available to be present.
Yes, it is your decision to do it yor way, on your selected day, and I think that you should, but I would also consider that you obviously have concern over this issue because you have a genuine love for your mother, sister, and self...and I would venture to guess that your mom probably feels awful she can't..not won't, but can't help her daughter the way SHE would like too if it is held Oct 2008.
This is difficult for everyone, and I would take the route that your heart tells you is the one where you have the most joy, for yourselves, and the ones who love you most.
A small little wedding fact: many military couples have simple civil ceremonies for reasons personal to them..possibly prior to either shipping out. They then in turn plan the more elaborate church wedding/reception at a later date.
Best wishes to you!
joel
2007-08-17 14:55:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The popular reaction, of course, is going to be 'Do what you want to.'
This is not the correct answer, though. You and your husband-to-be have to think about the future. You have your whole life to spend with him. The wedding isn't just about what YOU want. It's about creating a lasting memory, something that you can share with family and friends. There seems to be several reasons why holding off for a little while is a good idea, and the only reason that you have for wanting to get married is...well...because you want to.
Why not just agree to your Mom's idea....and then....elope? Have a secret wedding in Vegas, and don't tell anyone. This would satisfy your need to 'get hitched' , and you can officially tie the knot at a later date. It would be very romantic, and you would get married twice in two years.
2007-08-17 01:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Bruce J 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hey, its not your fault your sister waited 3 years.
Three months after your sisters wedding, people still will be checking out her pics and talking about it, but I do not think that you having your wedding will detract from hers at all. She'll be done with the honeymoon and settled in by then.
I say go for it. Being married is awesome, so I wouldn't put it off a moment more than necessary.
2007-08-17 01:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I paid for our own wedding/reception. It's not that our parents didn't want to help, we just wanted to do it on our own. We had a wonderful small church wedding. My mother-in-law made the cakes (does it professionally) and the rehearsal dinner was held at my parents' house. Everything else was on us. I feel that paying for your own wedding and reception is the most independent thing a couple can do and a wonderful way to start a life.
2007-08-17 01:48:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your fiance just wants you to have the wedding you really want. He might feel that by waiting a year, you'll be able to have what you want and by doing it this August, you might have to compromise on some things and you'll be disappointed. I in no way think he is trying to postpone it because he doesn't really want to get married. So think long and hard about what you're okay with and talk to him about it. If you are truely okay with having a small no frills wedding, then I don't think he'll object. But he's been with you for eight years. He knows you inside and out and maybe he knows you won't be happy with a small no frills wedding. Trust in him. Eight years... he's not going anywhere.
2016-05-20 20:52:35 · answer #8 · answered by elsa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go for it. Do what suits you and your fiancee best. Your sister has her day in July 2008 and you will have your day October 2008. She does not have a week, month or year dedicated to her wedding she has a day the same way any other bride has. I say do what you want if you and your fiancee can pay for it yourselves.
2007-08-17 02:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont yet anyone stop you from doing what you want to do get married in october in my family i had a wedding in july and now another one in october and the two girls are sister so it can be done you just have to pay it on your own and dont worry about what anyone thinks.
2007-08-17 02:00:26 · answer #10 · answered by cutiebabexx420 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋