Why can't I stop doing nice things for a man that does not appreciate me?

Question

I almost cried yesterday when he didn't want the cheesecake I baked for him, but he doesn't mind everything else I did for him. He didn't even try it and I worked so very hard on it. I know he doesn't appreciate me and he keeps hurting my feelings. I never let on that I am hurt and I keep going back for more...why do I keep doing this to myself??

Answer 1

Well for starters, some people don't like cheesecake so maybe that's why he didn't try it. Secondly, call it human nature but if people treat us like crap, many of us keep going back for more. I guess it's just because we think something will change if we keep trying harder. Save yourself any more pain and walk away.

Answer 2

Do you know if he is lactose intolerant or not? If he is he can get ill from eating dairy such as CHEESEcake. Is he on a diet?

As to why you keep going back for more my best guess would be: You want his acceptance, it really seems like you are working to be acknowledged by him. It may be a better idea to find someone who appreciates you from the start rather than stressing yourself out over him.

Answer 3

What is Codependency?

Codependent Personality Disorder is a dysfunctional relationship with the self characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety around intimacy. It is very common in people raised in dysfunctional families, and in the partners and children of alcoholics and addicts. Most chemical dependency treatment centers now also offer treatment for Codependency.

Physical and Emotional Consequences of Codependency:
Emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, relationship dysfunctions, and cycling between hyperactivity / lethargy are evident in many codependents.

Physical problems often result from untreated codependency. These may include: gastro-intestinal disturbances, colitis, ulcers, migraine headaches, non-specific rashes and skin problems, high blood pressure, insomnia, sleep disorders, and other stress related physical illnesses.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are trying to find your self esteem and acceptance from this guy, and he is not willing to give it to you, so you are trying harder and harder. I would let go of this relationship, or when a good relationship finally comes along, you will be so insecure that you won't be able to have a healthy reationship with a guy who actually treats you right. Sometimes people are just with the wrong person, and you have to be strong enough to say, I am going to wait for the right guy. Don't look for self esteem from a guy, you will always be let down. Be confident, have fun in life, don't hang out with jerks. Would you want your best friend to be in your situation? Then don't let it happen to you!! You sound like a great person, one that alot of guys would want to date, so why not let go of this unhealthy relationship and give an opportunity for other guys to love you for who you are and not what you can do for them.

Answer 5

seriously...you know exactly why you keep doing this to yourself. you like the "bad boy" type and you do these things to try to change him. don't. look for a "good guy" that will develop bad boy qualities. trust me...its not hard to find.

Answer 6

Get out of the spiral babe.....it would simply hurt you more if you stick in the same situation for long.

run away from the man....as fast as you can

Answer 7

becuz ure in love..
but u shud never allow anyone to walk all over you
you've given him alot of chance i think its time to let go...
someone who cant appreciate u for u
will never learn to ...
walk away..
its difficult
but it must be done

Answer 8

You have no self respect or dignity.