PLEASE PLEASE help me, advice is nice. (I'm crying so much...read on please)?

Question

I'm getting overly depressed and I need some advice on how to deal with my abusive alcoholic father. Tonight I can't stop crying. So if you have had a similar experience, how did you get through it? PLEASE HELP ME!

I'm 14. My dad hasn't physically done anything to me yet, but that's because I stay out of the way. On the other hand, my mom has been hurt a few times, including tonight, but the worst she's gotten has been a broken nose. But from when I was a young child, I remember a few moments with blood everywhere. But it seems like whenever she gets hurt is when she's a bit tipsy, like after having 2 beers she's there. But under that influence she sometimes gets in his face when he yells at her instead of just blowing him off when she's sober. And when she's angry from his yelling and has a false image because she's a bit drunk that he's about to hurt her, like if he points his finger in her face, she thinks it'll bring harm and she sticks up for herself. Sometimes like swatting him away or a slap, but with him so drunk sometimes it causes him to fall, bump into something, etc. and so he only remembers this. He thinks she's the abusive one, but he only...

remembers what he wants to. And he makes up stuff and gets himself to believe it. I've been going through this my whole life, and now I feel I really need to do something. My mom can't work because she has a few medical problems and is too nervous to drive, so we both are stuck at home. My dad can never drive me places either because he's too drunk or he simply doesn't feel like it. Like he couldn't even come to my band concert because he got too drunk. But before this year he could care less about drinking&driving, but he became more cauticious after he almost got arrested for a DWI when the cops found him wobbling around and disobeying my school's visitor policy in a few ways when he forced me and my mom to go home with him because he didn't want to stay for the rest of this special concert. [This was the first time in a very long time that he took us out, but he ruined it.] But he didn't get arresed probably because I was there. (Crying my eyes out- a lot during the breathalyzer)...

So I have been very mentally traumatized I guess, never having a stable parent or a normal life, and instead a life of fear. Now that I look back, I might have even been a bit of a messed up child. My family is all screwed up and everyone stays away from my dad, and I'm not close to anyone in the family. Or, in fact, close to any of my friends, and I'm not too sure how to open up to them. I don't want to go to a school councilor, because I'll just come out with smeared makeup and tons of tears. I don't know where else to go, since I have no means of transportation. Also, I pray every night. But I feel really bad that I'm not involved in the church, because my dad did too much in the church as a young boy and doesn't want to go back. So there's no way of getting to one although I would love to. I also feel extremely terrible for calling myself a Christian when I haven't even been baptized or has any communions yet. So what shall I do with my life?

All these answers are so supportive, I'd pick many for best answer but there's just so many that are great. I thank you all!

Answer 1

Being baptised or having communions do not make you a christian. Just simply going to a church does not put God into your heart, or make you saved. It is a promise you have to make, and keep in your heart. It is okay for you to pray, and to talk to God if you want to. I mean, you can do it, hiding under the covers of your bed, if you think that is the only place you feel safe praying. The important thing is to make sure you talk to God, and to be completely open and honest about everything in your heart and mind when you talk to Him. What is happening to you is not your fault in anyway, and I am sorry to hear that you have so much bad stuff going on around you. Even if you do end up crying a ton, and getting a little bit of runny makeup, maybe it would be helpful if you do at least talk to the school counselor, or maybe even a teacher if you feel too scared to the counselor. Just so long as it is someone you trust, and can feel safe talking to. Anyway, I will be sure to add you to my own prayers, and ask God to help you if you would like me to. If you click on my name, there is a link on my profile where you can also email me if you want to ask me anything about like how to pray or anything else. Anyway, I will be sure to keep you in my prayers!

Answer 2

First of all, don't feel bad for calling your self a Christian. A Christian is anyone who believes in Christ. Going to church and being baptized doesn't make you Christian. There are plenty of people who were baptized and even go to church and call themselves Christians, but have no love of God in them and wouldn't know Jesus if they fell over him. Keep your faith, you need it.
You made a comment about "when you were a child" honey you are still a child. You are only 14 years old, you can't fend for your self.

The next time your parents get drunk and fight, call the police, tell them you are afraid for your moms safety and your own. If you are lucky you may end up in the care of a relative who can provide a more stable environment. Your parents are truly incapable of being responsible parents due to their alcoholism. It is not your fault and I'm sorry to say but there isn't anything you can do to help them,........ you can only help your self!!!! Get out of there, and go to Al - ateen, it is a support group for teens of alcoholic parents. It is free, ask your counselor where to find one. You also should continue your counseling at school, I know you don't think it is doing any good because nothing is changing, but being able talk about it one on one is important for your well being.
Start making a plan for your life. What you want and how you will get there, and keep the faith. Good luck, Sara

Answer 3

Oh my gosh, honey. I'm now in tears as this was my life until I met my husband. My Dad drank all the time and my Mom was abused also. She, too, didn't drive due to nervousness and is mentally ill because of my Dad.

Is there anyone you trust? I know how it is about going to a family member. You probably feel that if you tell them how you feel, they will go to your parents, and your parents will come to you. Beleive me, I know how that is.

Is there anyone that you trust? I know that you don't want to go to the school counselor, but honey you need to talk to someone. They WILL keep it confidential unless you have been or currently are getting physically hurt.

I know how it is living in a house like you have. I really do. What kept me sane is getting out as much as possible. Do your parents allow you to go out? Do they care if you go out? Lock yourself in your room when you're home and put earphones on to drown out the noise or if you have a television in your room put that on really loud.

At fourteen, you could babysit and get some interaction with people that way. The family that you watch children for doesn't have to know about your home life...they just have to know that you're trustworthy and will do everything to protect their children while they are away. You could walk dogs, help a neighbor, put up a sign in local places on what you're willing to do (if your parents will allow this), etc. If you can, save up as much money as you can now (I know this is hard at fourteen, but try to limit your spending) so you can move out at eighteen and start a NEW and HEALTHY life for yourself. Good Luck sweetie, I'll be thinking of you.

Answer 4

Get a friend that is over the age of 18 to buy you a can of mace. When dad drinks and acts up, spray him with it. Stay out of veiw when you do it and get him soaked. 15% is the strongest you can get. 2% is legal. I have the 15%/ He'll have to be treated like a criminal from this point forward, since what he's doing is illegal. Mace him and call the police. Its time his behaviour is brought out into the open. If your mom won't press charges, you do. alright. It'll be hard, but get a restraining order against him. and stick to it. No one should have to grow up like that. I bet your moms dad and mom didn't have it in their minds that they wanted their little girl beat up nightly and abused like this.

Tell him you want your daddy back. The one that played with you on the floor and was so proud when you crawled and started walking. Bring up painful memories for him that will tug at his heart. Make him cry. make him promise. Get someone to take your mom to see her daddy. That's her daddy, not your fathers choice. Call a taxi or a bussing service. Just get her there without father.

Answer 5

My advice to you is to call the cops and have your father arrested and put in a rehab center. It sounds harsh but that's the only way he is going to learn. Then I would advise you and your mom to move away and start a new life or move in with some other family members that are willing to take you in. Also I would recommend you and your mom go get counseling there is a place that could help you out alot I hope its in your area its called the Pillars community service I know for a fact its a great non for profit organization that will be able to help you.. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Remember he wont stop unless you put a stop to him..

Answer 6

You do need some help!!!! You need to get out of this situation as fast as possible. It is causing you major problems and problems that you are unaware of. Many can have life long negative effects!! I realize you love your parents but you need to save yourself because your parents are not capable of doing so!!! Please get help. I understand that you don't want to come out of the councelors office with running make up. Maybe you could wear waterproofm, or perhaps not wear any that day. Or maybe you could see the councelor at the end of the day. I feel that you need to call the police non emergency number to get help. But I understand if that is difficult for you to do. There are many teen help lines on the internet and perhaps you could get better educated advice from them and outlets that are local for you. Here is a web page that lists resources for each - state: www.teencertral.net, there is also 1-800-272-TEEN at www.neoteenhelp.org, they have teens and staff that can talk to you. There is also www.teenlineonline.org. You are in a very toxic situation and you need to get out of there and get help so you can heal!! If you stay there you will only become more and more depressed and have life long psycological problems! You also have to realize there probebly is going to be a time where you will be physcially abused as well. It just hasn't happened yet. Please, Please, Please get yourself some help. Talk to the councelor, go to the police, call or go online to the teen help lines!! Do not feel like you are not a good christian!!! It's not all about being baptised! GOD knows your situation and clearly understands! But most importantly God KNOWS YOUR HEART!!! Do not turn away form him keep praying praying praying! Don't stop!!
I wish there was more I can do for you! My heart bleads for you. PLEASE SEEK FURTHER HELP!!

Answer 7

Your mom and yourself has to get away from your dad. He is going to wind up hurting you two really bad! I am a recovering alcoholic,so I know what I'm talking about here. As long as he doesn't seek any professional help with his alcohol addiction. He will only get worse.

I really feel sorry for you. You shouldn't have to go through that kind of lifestyle at the age of 14. You two really need to get away as soon as possible. If he's not willing to change his life for his family,he's not worth the daily heartaches. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 8

Sweetie, I know you don't want to go to your school counselor but I really think that's the best thing for you. If you're afraid you're going to go in and cry your eyes out, print off what you just wrote on here and go to the office, hand it ot the counselor, and say, "I really need your help." Let them know that your home life is affecting your school life and they will come running to help you.

Also, I know this sounds hard, but next time the abuse starts, PLEASE muster up the courage to call the police. It doesn't matter who starts it. Your parents are putting you in the middle of their battles and it's NOT ok. Things won't get better if nobody intervenes.

(((Hugs))) to you. I sincerely hope you will at least do what I suggested and take your Y!A question to the school counselor.

Answer 9

If I say things you have already said, please forgive me. I didn't read your whole question as I have been where you are, and I know only details are different.
There is a 12 step program called Al Anon. Find it and go to meetings regularly as possible, every day if possible. There you will find the answers you need, and the strategies you are in need of to survive. You will find no judgment from the others, they have been where you are, or they still are. Al Anon is for friends and families of alcoholics. They won't tell you what to do. They will tell you what has and hasn't worked for them. If someone tells you what to do, you are talking to the wrong member. They will tell you what you need to know so I will stop here, except to say this program can save your life and more importantly, your sanity. If you cannot find them, then find AA, they will know who to contact.
Blessed Be

Answer 10

wow hon, i feel for you. reading that brought back a lot of painful memories of my childhood and teenage years. it was a rough road with my family.it was very difficult to have to go to school each day and concentrate without just wanting to break down in tears. and who can you go to? friends just don't seem to understand. it seems like nobody can.
here's what you do. you do your own thing. you do whatever it takes to get good grades. try not to worry yourself with there problems. be a good person to others. be extremely responsible. don't ever start drinking or doing drugs yourself. stay on the right track so that one day you can move out of the house a successful woman. and don't look back. they are living in there own nightmare and it's ashame that they have brought you into it. be strong and know that one day you will be away from it all. life can be better for you one day.
they at least provide you with a roof over your head. and you have to kind of convince yourself that it's all you need.
just make sure you don't start drinking or drugging and you will be okay.
good luck to you and try to keep your head up and your mind serene even if there is lots of negative noise in the background.
i turned out pretty well considering the lack of "good" parents.
you can too.