Her wedding is WAY too close to mine!!!?

Question

I got engaged to my boyfriend 9 months ago and we have already set a date and decided on our colors and the general theme of the wedding. My fiances sister recently got engaged about 2 weeks ago. She has all of the same ideas for her wedding as I do, including the color, but it didn't matter too much to me because she had set her date for 5 months after mine. Well, once she found out that we have all the same ideas, she rescheduled her wedding date to just 4 WEEKS BEFORE MINE!!! I've thought about rescheduling to an earlier date, but not only do I not want to seem childish, I also received a FREE honeymoon from a family member as a gift that can only be taken in the month we had set. I really don't want to seem like a "copy-cat" wedding, and most of all I feel like her wedding will take most of the excitement out of mine! Any advice on what I should do??

Answer 1

It won't steal your thunder to the degree you are thinking. Some people might have wedding fatigue but really they are celebrating a whole new relationship and couple. It's a little strange that she rescheduled that drastically but as long as you aren't using identical items then it won't be a huge deal. Colors, especially trendy ones, are often seen in multiple weddings.

Answer 2

There's been some very interesting answers so far - some I agree with, others that I don't.

While it can seem a little childish, I understand where you're coming from. I also understand it's easier said than done to focus on the fact that you're getting Married and should be more concerned about that life long commitment working out rather than the wedding decorations.

My general feeling is that if you can, feel satisfied in the fact that most people who know you (which are the ones that you'd care about anyway) would already know what you have and haven't organised and that your future SIL is going to running round like a headless chicken (no doubt behaving like a Bridezilla to everyone!) trying to get her wedding organised in a short timeframe.

There was a suggestion in someone else's answer to try to incorporate another colour into your scheme, I think this can work. If another colour doesn't work, simply try adding another shade of your main colour so it works in quite well.

Oh - and one more thing, don't share any more of your ideas - eg if you're planning on giving Bonbonniere, don't tell her (or anyone for that matter) what you're planning on organising, just put a fake idea out there and see what she does with it.... and make sure it's an expensive one..... :P

All in all, you get your husband out of it at the end of the day. I remember when I got married, I was over it all before it started. We finished the ceremony and I said to him "righteo then, I got what I came for, let's go... Of course we didn't leave, but I was so relieved that I was now his wife that all the fancy reception ideas etc etc seemed overrated.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You didn't mention the month when you would be married. If it is 6 months or more away, I wouldn't be too hard on your fiance's sister. You have been engaged for 9 months already. Please don't feel hurt if people get engaged and married between the date of your engagement and your marriage, if you have an engagement longer than 6 months. People shouldn't have to put their life on hold to make you feel better.

Regardless of how soon the wedding is, I agree with the previous posts. Keep your opinions to yourself, smile, and enjoy both days. 20 years from now, no one will remember that you both had the same colors or ideas, but they will remember if you made a stink about it, or took actions to try to upstage her wedding. It's nice to be remembered for good things.

My sister got married a few years ago. I am using her dress, the same venue, similar invitations and many of the same decorations. My sister is flattered that I consider her ideas to be good enough to emulate, and she is also happy that she will be able to experience a wedding so similar to her own, and actually be able to enjoy it this time around (when you are the star of the show, it's hard to relax and enjoy). In addition, I'm saving a pretty penny using many of her wedding's items! Perhaps you two could work out an arrangement for some of the decorations, that way it would be cheaper for the both of you!

No one will care (or remember) if the wedding has similar features. At the end of the day, all the guests remember is how good the food and cake were, and if anyone got drunk and danced the funky chicken. Colors, centerpieces, and invitations, seem to get loss in the memory shuffle anyways.

Answer 4

Well first of all what you are feeling is totally normal and well founded. You could make up an excuse to change your date for instance have you already booked your church or reception site b/c it's often hard to find the two to have the same date you want or find a better church or more affordable reception site that you could use to move your date up. I really don't believe that her wedding will take away from yours b/c you still have your side of the family that will be all about you but it is natural to feel that way but don't worry yours will be much better and I'm sure everyone is going to notice she's trying to outshine you by moving her date like that anyway and that just makes her look bad. Best of luck! Also I'm a wedding planner so if you want any free advice don't hesitate to ask me.

Answer 5

First, aren't you lucky pspoptart was so supportive of you and your predicament...some of us aren't so lucky when the expert lays down her law.

Frankly, people, let's get something straight here: most (not all) BRIDEZILLAS are created from other people's actions. People are inconsiderate, like your fiance's sister. Unless you both always liked the exact same colors... what a coincidence that she seems to be stealing - oh I mean using - all the same ideas and colors.

I just don't see what can be done. You've been engaged for 9 months, and she just got engaged but she's going to slam a wedding together a full month in advance of yours, that you've been working on for 9 months? What possible reason would she have to start out with a date 5 months after yours, and then move it backward 6 months?

I feel sorry for your fiance's parents...two weddings in a month? What a nightmare. His parents will have to invite the same family friends as guests to both...odds are they will skip one or the other.

But, Bridezillas will be Bridezillas...you will have to go forward with your plans. There will be some shared guests, but you also both know different people and will have different guests as well that don't attend both events.

Here's a good idea: I don't know when these weddings are, but send out SAVE THE DATE mailings to your guests NOW. And don't tell the sissy in law to be. ;P

Answer 6

Relax and realise a few things.

First most people will know it was your sister who moved her wedding up, not you who copied her. It's not nice to move her before you knowing she's doing the exact same wedding but unless you blab your plans it's practically impossible for them to be the exact same. Just think of hers as a chance to see what NOT to do at yours and what needs to be improved.

Second, weddings have been happening for centuries. There are no unique ideas really left. There just aren't. You aren't the first bride to choose those colors, or that place, or this theme. Whether it's your sister or a stranger it's bound to be repeated so learn now to let it go. I'm using brown, and I'm not the first bride by any means. In fact, the bride using the church before us is having a fall theme too and we are taking good advantage of our similarities by splitting the decor costs in half and saving a ton which means bigger reception or honeymoon for me. Remember you are going to be the only wedding with YOU AND YOUR FINACEE as the stars which makes in unique.

If you are afraid of copy cats keep your plans quiet and close to your chest and nobody can take them. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery so all it means is that you are doing a great job. Take it as a backhanded compliment and move on.

Answer 7

There are a few ways to look at this:

Since only family will know about the repeat- then they should also know that yours was planned first.
#1
But, I also understand being competitive...so keep hush hush on your "cool" and "awesome" decorating and other ideas so she can't use them first.
Trust me, if yours is more elegant and wonderful...people will be rememebering hers and comparing- and knowing that yours is best.
#2
And if you aren't worried about competing.. then cool, let her pay for all her decorating, then ask after about borrowing or using it- then you get saved the $$.
#3
Or- be above all of that- and since you said you have same ideas- plan together and go half on the cost- you can shop together and pick stuff out- and then you'll be sharing in the excitement as well.


Remember- the marriage is more important than the day. And the day is about the 2 of you. Years from now its' only your day that you'll care about.

Answer 8

I see your point, but if you change your date it's only going to look like you are trying to 'one-up' her and then what do you do if she decides to move hers up again? It's a never ending battle - and that's what you are going to come to is a battle! I personally would start making other changes - do you really have your heart set on that color? Would you be devastated to change it? You say you have decided on the general theme... change a few details - ones that count, but keep it the same idea. I would make a few changes, but DO NOT let her know that - not only may she steal them, but you'd give her a reason to gloat, and you don't need it. Of course since you know what she's doing you have a chance to do it better.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Change at least one of the colors and adjust the theme slightly so that you don't appear to be copying.

Example: Chocolate + Pink "Truffle" wedding becomes Chocolate + Baby Blue "French Riviera" wedding

Example: Sage Green + Crimson "Forest" wedding becomes
Sage Green + Slate Blue "Mountain" wedding

Answer 10

Four weeks is nothing. Don't worry about when she scheduled it you will still have your day.

I could understand your frustration if it were the day before or after, but its a month from your date.

Keep your plans for your wedding private from her. Tell her "you'll find out, its a surprise" when she asks. Don't give ANY details of your wedding to her.

Don't let it get to you, concentrate on YOUR planning.