I had my son a little over a year ago and I was a single mom for the first 10 months of his life. I got in a relationship about 6 months ago, and got married 2 days ago. I'm with a GREAT guy. He loves me and he loves my son. My son's father has never been involved, but my husband has never treated my son like anything but his own child. Recently though I've noticed that I'm having a hard time sharing the role of parent with someone else. I've always had my son to myself...I've always made all the decisions about him and all that. I'm having issues letting someone else help me parent him. Is this normal? I know its pride. I haven't had any help for so long, and now I can't get used to it. I'm almost jealous that I have to share him with someone else. I KNOW that two parents are what is best for my son, but for some reason its bugging me. How can I get past this?
2007-08-16 15:47:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
All these answers are so wonderful, thank you.
TJ---your story reminds me of mine and my mother's. My mother is menapausal as well and if it weren't for MY wonderful stepfather (who's been around since I was 10 months old) we'd probably kill eachother lol.
2007-08-16 16:21:02 · update #1
I have been where you are ( admittedly 30+yrs ago) & yes it is difficult to relinquish some of the control you have to another person regardless of how wonderful they are.
In fact this sort of thing can even happen with both biological parents when the mother is the major care-giver of infants/toddlers. The mother feels that no-one else will look after her child the way she does.
if you want to have a successful relationship with you now husband & for your son to respect & trust him then it is important that you make the effort to step back a little & allow your husband to fully embrace the parenting role. open communication between the 2 of you is vital - your concerns about leting go & he is possibly concerned as to whether he can be the father you want for your child. what is also important is that you NOT undermine your partner in front of your child e.g: - you do not agree with how he has chastised / handled child ( unless of course the child is in danger) express your concerns to him out of earshot of your son.
my son was 3 when I got involved with the man I married & my sons biological father had not been involved either.
discuss with your husband ( you should have already done this) - childs routine, eating habits, disciplinary measures,
take things one day at a time & stop & think that even though your husband may do some things differently to you - that does NOT mean his way is wrong - just different
your son will also benefit by having another major influence in his life
feel free to contact me if you would like to chat further
2007-08-16 16:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is all a process. I would talk to my new hubby and tell him why you feel the way you feel. Let him know you love him even more because he adores the baby. However, you are having issues letting go of some control. Don't put him on the defensive about it...else he will back off and not be the male figure your son needs. No matter how much pride we have as single WONDER MOMS!!! Nothing can replace a man being directly involved with a child. And don't expect him to give your son the same type care you give him.........he is not you......your son will grow to appreciate the differences....and you will too.
I went through this with my daughter, and my husband (her step dad). There are times when I have to beg her to do something....but he can ask her once and she melts.....because he is the man in her life she adores and can completely trust. Their relationship has saved my relationship with her. I am menopausal and she is going through the rough age of 16......do you understand this could be a war zone without him being here???? ESTROGEN!!!
To help yourself....if you really trust this man (and you must...you married him) start off really small by going into another room and letting them have their boy time for a while. Make this time longer and longer and make your diistance from them farther and farther until you are at a spa taking a much needed "Mommie" TIME OUT!!!!
Breath gurl...........it sounds like he is a good guy.....and you are a great Momma......just protecting her baby!!!! IIt is completely natural....normal....and should be expected. I think you would be getting a diifferent response if you reacted any other way. You both will be great parents!!!!!
2007-08-16 23:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by T J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Riley's mom, it sounds like you are a lucky lady to have found someone who is so accepting of your son. It might be a good idea to sit down and discuss with your new husband the feelings that you are experiencing and perhaps the two of you can find some way to work through this. If not then another suggestion may be for the two of you to attend either a parenting course or some form of relationship counselling. These counsellors usually remain impartial and majority of time allow the people to discuss things and listen then make some suggestions. Your son obviously notices the difference also if he was used to just having you as his role model. Please do not become overly jealous and/or envious over this relationship as it may very well build a wedge in your relationship. Best of luck and try communicating, you'd be surprised at how much you can settle from a mature open minded conversation.
2007-08-16 22:57:58 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're in a big transition phase. Though your new husband has been a part of your sons life a while, it will take some getting used to that he is daddy now. I don't think it's a matter of pride. Like you said you've had your son to yourself his whole life. you and he have your own set little ways. Instead of being a twosome, it's a threesome. You know your hubby is a great dad and loves your son. Remind yourself of that, that he's not trying to take over. He's probably having a hard time too, adjusting to being daddy. Give it time, you'll be fine. Good luck!!
2007-08-16 23:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by paperpenandtea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I have noticed about many single mothers is they want a father for their child but then when its time to discipline they go ballistic if the step dad tries to discipline. You cant have it both ways. Why would you marry a man you dont trust? Women are soft and men are stronger at disciplining and if a balance isnt achieved and all the kid gets is the softness then that child will be screwed up. Men usually set boundaries and stick to them but women can be easily coerced to back off on discipline. You need to let go and see how he does and trust him. As long as he isnt hitting your child or emotionally abusing him you need to let him father the child. If you cant figure out if things are ok then get some counseling so you can see things more clearly.
2007-08-17 02:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two parents are best for a child and you are extremely lucky that this man wants to be a part of his life ... step back and share ... it's hard but you need to ... it is normal to feel the way you are but seriously ... your married now, you have a great man & father for your child ... talk to him about this... tell him that your having difficulty sharing but that you want to get past it ... see how he can help.
2007-08-16 23:04:51 · answer #6 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love your son you would try to accept what is right for him and that is having two parents who love him. in time you would see that the love you gave your son as his mom is slightly different from the love your husband would give him now. give it time, you'll get used to sharing your son with your husband. you should be glad that he accepted your son wholeheartedly.
2007-08-16 23:00:23 · answer #7 · answered by philosophical beaver 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋