Okay, so this may be a long post-My fiance` has 2 sisters and I have 2 brothers. My brothers are each 3 years older then his sisters, perfect right? Well we asked his sisters to be in the wedding and they agreedand were very happy/excited. But when asking my oldest brother he told me he would only be in my wedding if I agreed to have my father walk me down the aisle. Which since I have had a tough relationship with him is still under debate in my mind. Now, I do not know where to go from here. I do not want to consent to what my brother wants although I would love for him to be in the wedding. And to tell the truth I am very upset that he did not seem excited about being involved in my wedding, but he is my brother.
Please give me some advice.
2007-08-16 15:41:53 · 10 answers · asked by flirtinv16 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I really dislike when family member emotionally blackmail another family member to get their way. Your brother should be in your wedding regardless of your decision on who walks you down the aisle.
With that being said - even though you have had a tough relationship with your dad, I think you would regret it if you didn't have him walk you down the aisle. He's the only biological father you're going to have and when he is gone you will miss him terribly, regardless of the relationship you have with him now.
Good luck on your decision, and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.
2007-08-16 16:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
This one of many things that makes weddings so freaking difficult and stressful. There are always issues with family.
People are also so weird about weddings. My parents just had one witness each back in the day, went to the church in town, got married and came back and had lunch. So today, my mom isn't very excited about my wedding. And that's fine, cuz my loving fiance is an only child, and the mother in law-to-be alone is enough to handle!
So don't feel bad if your brother is not "excited." Neither is mine, I don't see a lot of "excitement" from any of the men involved, so to speak. Not like all the women at the office who want to know all the details. Men just don't get excited about wedding planning. Unless they are gay, or wedding planners, or both. ;P
You are going to need to learn to do one thing up front right away: this is your day and you need to make the decisions. Don't let yourself be railroaded. The relationship between you and your father is between just the two of you, your brother has his own relationship with Dad, and those are separate things.
So tell Brother Dear, I'm considering what you said but I'll worry about that later, should I order you a tux rental?
2007-08-16 17:28:56 · answer #2 · answered by Sistinas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your older brother is trying to prevent you from having any regrets on your wedding day. Regardless of how your relationship is with your father, years from now you may regret not having him walk you down the aisle. I think your brother is just looking out for you.
You may want to suggest a compromise, maybe you can meet your dad halfway down the aisle. Otherwise i say you should have your brothers in the wedding and have your dad walk you down the aisle. It may be the break in the ice you need to build a closer relationship with your dad.
Good luck!
2007-08-16 15:50:20 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What business does your brother have forcing you to make a decision that doesn't have a darned thing to do with him?! I would tell him point blank that the decision of who will or will not walk you down the aisle is one you will make on your own with no blackmail from him and if he doesn't like it then he doesn't need to be in your wedding. It sounds to me like either he is trying to look the hero in your Father's eyes, or else he doesn't want to be in it at all and is looking for a way out.
Stick to your guns and Good Luck!
2007-08-16 16:24:02 · answer #4 · answered by Cory C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would be quite mad with your brother. this is your wedding and you pick who walks you down the aisle. he has giving you an ultimatum and i am not really a big fan of those. this is YOUR wedding, keep telling yourself that. you do not have to satisfy another person , appease them if you will for them to AGREE to be in your wedding. having someone walk you down the aisle is not going to magically fix a relationship. forcing yourself to allow someone in your wedding that you are not 100% on is going to possibly create more drama and hurt feelings. tell your brother, look, i am an adult, i will pick the people i want for my wedding party and if you are only doing this because of dad, then i guess you really aren't behind my wedding and then you move on. it sounds harsh, but really, this is rude. he can not FORCE you and your dad to get along and he thinks he has come up with such a smart idea, but really, it is just cause to get mad at him.
2007-08-16 16:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by Christina V 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you do not want your father to walk you down the aisle DO NOT give in to your brother's demands, it is NOT his wedding!
I would say "I'm sorry you feel this way, I take it you will be declining being in the wedding party then?" and see what he says. I would not give in to your brother's demands... who knows what else he'd require for his participation!
2007-08-17 03:00:27 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't allow yourself to be held hostage to your brother's demands. Tell him nicely that that you would very much like him to be in the wedding part but how you get down the aisle is up to you and your fiance.
A nice trend is having both your parents come down the aisle with you.
2007-08-16 16:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
pal A might nicely be your very own attendant. She'll be top by ability of your ingredient in the particular moments once you're preparing on your special occasion. in case you nevertheless choose her to be a bridesmaid, evaluate procuring her gown for her. pal B might nicely be a bridesmaid, as you probably did say she has time, and did no longer point out money. i will anticipate it is not a concern. pal C can be a bridesmaid, provided that she is financially sturdy. i does no longer make pal D a bridesmaid, as you're a brilliant softy, and he or she will in all probability bulldoze over you. she would be the hostess on the reception or provide her another function the place being pushy is a plus. no longer all and sundry should be on your bridal social gathering to experience secure. in basic terms getting an invite tells them which you relatively choose them to share on your new existence. I even have often times felt like i did no longer choose to be a bridesmaid besides. I in basic terms wanted to circulate and experience the marriage and reception, yet felt obligated to be a bridesmaid while asked. might in basic terms be me, nonetheless!
2016-10-02 12:03:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow- that is very presumptious of your brother (no matter the reason behind it) to attach strings to his being in your wedding. It is your and your fiance's day...don't let people impose their views on what your wedding should be.
A simple "We would like for you to be in the wedding we plan. If you are not comfortable standing up in the wedding we choose, I am sorry to hear that. I hope that you will still be an honoured guest. " should suffice.
His being in the wedding is a gift to you; if he chooses to attach strings to that gift, it is no longer a gift, it is a contract.
2007-08-16 16:12:47 · answer #9 · answered by dma 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Family can be tough, but my gut feelings tell me that you should ask your father to walk you down the aisle. I think you might regret it in the future if you do not. You can replace friends but you are stuck with family, try to love there unique attributes, even though you don't agree with them always.
good luck and congrats
2007-08-16 16:12:10 · answer #10 · answered by loveski0 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋