I need help with dealing with my therapist?

Question

First - I give doctors too much power. I have my reasons, but it takes up too much space and time to write.
I see my therapist once a week, and on Tuesday, she told me I won't get friends unless I dress differently, believe different things and like different things. I am unconcsiously letting her in this situation. I've started rebelling against my family, dressing in pants, tight-fitting tshirts, with my hair loose and plucking my eyebrows. My family is furious with me for giving in to my therapist, but I feel that she is a therapist and knows best. At the same time, I'd like to smack her.
For next week, I'm supposed to write a list of things that are very important to me, such as religious beliefs, modesty beliefs, moral values and a likes/dislikes list. She is going to with me and it, and change where necessary. This is my key to making friends. I'm terrified. What can I do?

Answer 1

Okay, what kind of therapist is telling you that you need to change yourself to make friends? I think you have to BE yourself to make friends, that way, they like you for you, not someone your therapist made up. And, if your family doesn't want you to do what the therapist says, why do they continue letting you go to see her? Sometimes therapists don't know best, and only you can answer your question yourself. If you don't want to change, DON'T, because I changed to make new friends and that came back and bit me in the butt. TRUST ME, don't change yourself just because someone told you you have to, just go up to people and say "HI" if you want to make new friends, maybe people are just waiting for you to make the first move!!!

Answer 2

I think you should find a therapist who will help you directly address the belief that you give doctors too much power.

You're not comfortable with how it's going. So find someone new? How many therapists have you gone through so far?

Personally, I think some body work will help you trust yourself more. Once that happens, then you'll know when it's okay to trust a therapist, and when they're wonkier than you (and in that case you should walk).

I'm perplexed that your family supports you going to a therapist who advises you to do things that infuriate them. That sounds counter productive. You're caught between a rock and a hard place, perhaps replicating double bind situations. Better fix it before you have a breakdown.

Answer 3

To live happily, you should be balancing between what you want (and give this a very large portion) and a fine degree of what your family and society expect from you.

Example:

If you believe you should pluck your eyebrows, you should go for it.. especially if it makes you happier. You should make your family understand and accept your decision.

However, to let your THERAPIST decide for you what you should believe in, that would NOT be acceptable at all.

Therapists should work on making you be happy with who you are, not with what they think you should be.

For example, when you write a list of what is important to you - you are writing about what is important to YOU. Is it possible to say (Alright, my family is important to me, or my education... but maybe I should delete them from the list)?

That's not how life goes, that's not we are shaped.. and we can't change who we are by crossing out or adding to a list.

Think twice of what your therapist is telling you, and make the DECISION that makes your HEART FEEL HAPPY. You'll know what's right when you do it...

Answer 4

Dressing in pants? Plucking your eyebrows? OOOO...you rebel!

What are you saying? That you go around with unibrow and bare butted the rest of the time?

What is this " therapist" for? Fashion advice?

"unconcsiously letting her "? IF you were doing this "unconcsiously" , you wouldn't KNOW you were doing it! So you must be doing it on purpose!

Make a list? Check it twice? Is she Santa?

So she's suggesting that you make some changes so you can make friends more easily? And this "terrifies" you? THAT is more of a problem

Sound to me like this whole question is a joke.

Answer 5

It does not sound like you need to change your clothes and sort. It sound like you have anger issues and unsolved problems with your self. You need to address these. Your therapist seems to have good intentions but therapists do not always know best. My old therapist would just agree with every thing I said. I never got any thing out of him. You say you started dressing that way as a way of rebelling but those are just way to show you anger to other people(at least I think). Am I right? Working on resolving your issue with your self. You probably know what they are if you really think about them. As for your therapist I think you need one that is will to work with you in the right directions not by thinking all you need is to change your clothes and know your strong beliefs. And friends will come after you work on your self A LOT.

Answer 6

CHANGE THERAPISTS NOW
Good lord is she a mental health professional or a cult leader?
If you want to find friends join clubs and groups of things that interest you because there will be people there who are also interested in those activities.

A good therapist helps you stand on your own two feet and make your own life choices. A thereapist is supposed to help you figure out who you really are, not change your appearance.

Run like the wind my friend. From what you've dsescibed I don't think this is healthy

Answer 7

Well, it may take up too much space, but we really need a bit more information. You can dress cute and present yourself as nice looking without looking cheap and trashy. Your therapist works for you. If your gut is telling you that what she is telling you is not right for you, tell her your are uncomfortable with her approach and you won't be back to see her. So are you going to alienate your family for the sake of finding friends. Has your family harmed you. What are you seeking to overcome--improve self esteem; get over bad habits or why are you seeing this therapist. What do you want to get out of these therapy sessions. God gave you a brain and senses, so use them. P.S. My therapist says, "What's wrong with being who you are. You don't have to pretend to be something you are not to try to please or win over other people."

Answer 8

Let the therapist "win" this round, but I have a suggestion for the next round. Tell your therapist that you want to assemble another list....a list of your top 100 favorite quotations, and then discuss with her why each of them resonates with you and why do you allow those quotes to set patterns for your responses to others. This way you can afford to "own" the quotes you want to retain but reject those that no longer seem appropriate, without rejecting or denying who you are. Your values change, and so will your quotes. Five years from now, you will find it fun to compare the quotations that remain your favorites and the ones you have left behind, to have replaced by others.

Answer 9

Believe different things? Like becoming more optimistic vs pessimistic, that sort of thing, or like change beliefs in general? I'm sorry, but the overhaul on the personal identity sounds like it's time to find a new therapist...

Answer 10

your not unconciously doing anyting. if you do what she tells you to do, your making your own decesion. you know it feels wrong to you or you wouldnt be writing this question, and you choose to give her power. no one will pity you for that, your a big girl and need to step it up...maybe you justl ike someone giving your directives (and some people do)

but on the other hand, are your parents super strict or something, because plucking your eyebrows and loose hair are hardly inappropriate.

bottom line, you know the therapist is wrong, dont cop out, just get a new one.