okay so i feel like a total idiot because i feel in love with this guy i hooked up with last summer in cancun, mexico and uhm i know im stupid but like i dont know im always thinking about him and he has a girlfriend and everything so i dont know why i cant let go of him! and i've been trying to met new people and stuff but i feel like no one i meet could be as good as him. & i am at the point where i dont know what to do anymore! i need some serious advice and please dont tell me im stupid for loving him because i know that part already!
2007-08-16 14:16:22 · 17 answers · asked by blahhhi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he has a girlfriend then you can find better then him....obviously he just thought it was a quick hook up and he moved on....I know it sucks...Been there done that....don't waste your life missing out on the actual good guys out there!
2007-08-16 14:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by hypnotic_wht_grl_21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nah you're not stupid. It happens to people all the time when they become very emotionally attached - heck - it has happened to me a few times too.
From what you said in your question, I'm still missing some info that would help me answer the question like ... how far away from him are you? Is there anyway of contacting him?
If you live relatively close to him that you can actually see him then I think you should go after him. Go all out and tell him how you feel. If he rejects you ... well you're going to get your feelings crushed but, and trust me on this, you will get over him because of that. If he is willing to try and make it work then SCORE. Haha. The girlfriend is the complication and from there you'll have to see if he's willing to give her up. Don't ask him to or anything but this is a judgment call on your part because if he cares about you more then you have a chance. If not - go back to the all-out thing and get rejected because it's a fast way to get over someone when you know that they aren't interested. Only reason you're beating yourself up about it is because you don't know if you have a chance or not.
If he doesn't live close well then I suggest you give up. Not the best advice and it's pretty harsh but ... it's the truth. No point not moving on. If he doesn't live close but you have a way of contacting him, now you'll just have to go all-out on the phone/e-mail/IM/whatever and see what happens then.
The part about "i feel like no one i meet could be as good as him" is more psychological. You just picture him better than he really is. The mind has a tendency to remember only the good things about people. Even if that's not true, there are people that are better. Finding them is just not easy. Let me just share with you a quote "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen. It's something I always keep in mind. There is no perfect person but there are millions of imperfect people - you just have to understand that everyone has flaws and you can work your way around it.
Wow this is getting kind of long ... I'll end it by saying, again, that you're not stupid because of these things because "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Hope this helps ... Hopefully ... I'm sorry if it didn't. =\
2007-08-16 21:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw, I kinda know how you feel. I pretty much fell in love with someone when I was 14 and I kept telling myself that it probably was not love but then even now, being 20 I still feel the same way.
But the thing is, we never even went out officially and then when I found out he got engaged I was so devastated. And anyways, he just got married last week and I have not even seen him in 3 years and I was still so shocked and sad. And I felt so stupid because I know he didn't feel the same way after all this time and I knew that I had to get over it.
I'm still not though, I look at the pictures and get sad all over again. lol.
So anyways, I tried liking other people too but I always compared them to him and that wasn't fair to them or myself so it kept not working out.
Then out of desperation, I thought if things about him that I didn't like or I tried to say that he really is not all that I thought he was...and actually, that did help a bit.
I still have not found someone I like as much as him, but I find someone that I am like, completely infatuated with and seriously use them to keep my mind off the other guy. I am kinda shy around those I really like so I find someone I think is so hot or my type and basically think of ways to get with them or think of how we could possibly hang out together.
I bet none of what I am saying makes sense but I guess all I can say is it takes TIME. For some a long time and for others not so long. Even if you want it to not take a long time, it still might because it's got to run its course.
So I guess my advice is to a) find someone else to take your mind off him b) find flaws about him and c) let time take its course.
And y'know, you could always keep in contact with him as a friend and if things change for him I bet he will remember you and maybe you will get together. I stayed friends with the guy and while he was dating his now wife he said that if it didn't work out between them I would be the first one he called. He may have just said that to make me feel better, but it worked.
haha.
Also, you could tell the guy that you actually do like him but aren't going to invade his space or try to be more than friends as long as he has a girlfriend or if he's not feeling it. Because that way he knows...maybe he thought you just saw him nothing more than a fling and wouldn't want anything more substantial with him.
Anyway, good luck and if you come along any good advice pass it down on to me!
2007-08-16 21:28:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mackenzie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, the more energy you devote to thinking about him, the worse this will feel. Make a plan of action. Figure out some alternative thing to do when you start thinking about him, such as going out for a walk or a run, start singing a song, do jumping jacks while chanting "life is good, life is grand, I am happy the way I am" ... you get the picture. Anything to switch the focus of your mind. Then, DO IT!!! LoL When you find yourself thinking about him, do your thing to switch mental gears.
I'm assuming you've already called him and told him you still love him. If you haven't, doing so might be enough to jolt you out of it.
Best of luck.
2007-08-16 21:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by kyeri y 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
though I agree with "hypnotic", ...I met my current boyfriend while I was still married (I'm only 21 by the way, so yes,,,I started early). At that time, he as well was with somebody. From the first day we meet, there was something about him that I couldn't stop thinking about him. With time, my husband and I separated for different reasons and he separated from his girlfriend and about 1-2 months later we were together. That was almost 2 years ago and we are still together and still in love. My best advice to you is......
If you listen to your gut and to your heart, and they both tell you the same thing....go for it. Keep your mind ready as you may be setting yourself up for disappointment, but better to be disappointed then to live your life wondering.."what if...?"
2007-08-16 21:56:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jocey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is terribly difficult. I've been there, and it is no fun. I've read about this and sometimes we hang on because we like the familiar. You have your good memories and that makes one feel nourished and want more. Someone else just won't do. I feel that you have been putting this guy on a pedestal and worshiped him. Believe me, there is always someone out there that is better for you. You just can't see that now, but you will!
2007-08-16 21:29:41 · answer #6 · answered by simulwording@yahoo.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you dont really. You think you do and you idolize now cause you cant have him. I am also sure that he is an asshole, remember he hooked up with you and he had a girl. is that what you want him to do to you next spring break, if u were his girl. You can let go, accept that its done, tell yourself he will not be yours and just focus on getting him out of your mind.
2007-08-16 21:21:17 · answer #7 · answered by kira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can tell you how to stop thinking about him, because it won't work. Just give yourself time. Keep telling yourself that it is over and there is nothing you can do about it. In time you will move on and meet someone else. Trust Me!
2007-08-16 21:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by LaTrice B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you walk into every new relationship already let down because you think they wont add up to him then they wont! Keep busy and get to know people! There are so many people out there!
2007-08-16 21:20:48 · answer #9 · answered by lindseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have great memories and you love those memories but they are not reality. Reality is that you can't stop obsessing about the past long enough to hook up with another great guy.
2007-08-16 22:39:32 · answer #10 · answered by matt123169 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋