How do i politely(if possible) tell my in-laws to butt-out?

Question

My husband an i had some financial trouble last year(due to circumstances beyond our control) and the family really pitched in and helped out(all be it grudgingly, and yes we are paying it back). We are doing much better now, but the in-laws are always calling and asking if we are catching the bills up. They are not so much concerned as they are nosy. They want to know how much we are making and how we're planning to spend it. If we take a day trip to the zoo or buy an iced coffee they "*****" about us spending money. I guess i just feel like its our money and its none of their business. I also suspect they discuss our finances with other members of the family too.

Not selling them our privacy...i really like that! Thank you all so much! Some really good insights.
and to the person who seems to think we are irresponsible $20 at the zoo is hardly "furiously spending". We have always been responsible spenders, but like i said circumstances were beyond our control--my husband returned from iraq with a pretty bad case of PTSD and even with the best financial planning, those expenses cause you to run through your savings pretty fast. --contrary to popular belief, the army pays for very little.

Answer 1

Your husband needs to tell them when he loaned them money he wasnt selling his privacy to them. He can say it in a pleasant way. After that both of you need to not answer any personal questions they have. Just do not answer. Its that simple. And from now on if you need a loan do not get it from them.

Answer 2

As long as you still owe them money they will feel that they have a right to be involved in your lives. Your husband should be talking to them if there is a problem but since he is not going to step up and talk to his parents you are going to have to do it. Try politely to explain that you are not comfortable with discussing your finances etc with them. You thank them for their help and let them know you appreciate it but the problem has passed and you no longer need them to worry about you and how you all are getting along. Then when they ask those questions just remind them that you don't want to go into such details and then just do not answer the question. Each time they ask you could counter by asking them why they want to know or why do they continue to ask these questions whey you have asked them to stop? Whatever they come up with do not discuss your family business with them. By coming to them they feel they are now entitled to supervise or give advice on what you do with your money. Remember this before you ask them for help again.

Answer 3

They can only rag on you if you tell them what you're doing with your money, so let them hear what they want to hear. tell them you have put your selves on a strict budget and don't tell them when you go places and do things and spend money, it REALLY is None of their business unless you tell them, thereby making it their business. you don't have to be rude and tell them to but out but by your actions they WILL but out if they are satisfied that you and your husband are managing fine now. Just make sure you don't get into that situation ever again. start a savings account and pay into it like any other bill, every month. You'll be amazed how quickly you'll build yourselves a nice little nest egg.
All you need to put away is $100 a month. you can even ask the bank to automatically take it from your checking account and put it into your savings account monthly or every two weeks. you'll never miss the money if you don't have it in your hand and you'll be so proud of your selves. Good luck

Answer 4

I would tell them very politely that even though I had gone through some rough times financially and they have helped and that I am thankful for that help, do I feel that my financial obligations and payments were none of their business as long as I met my financial obligation to them. If that doesn't do it you might have to get rude with them. Never mind what you suspect. Don't accuse them of anything you suspect---only of the facts known ver well to you. This is not being nosy on their part, they feel like they have to be in control of your finances because they have helped you and your husband.

Answer 5

As much as your probably just want to be like "Mind your own business!", don't.

It sounds like they are nosy or want to give you a hint that they want you to pay them back a little faster.

Next time they are sticking their nose in your financial business ask them right back if they are unhappy with how quickly you are paying them back for being so generous last year. Unless they really do want their money back in a hurry they will say no. And you can say "Well since that's the case I don't see how I spend the rest of my money is a concern of yours".

This should get the point across unless they are too dense. Then you might have to go with the, "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" tactic.

Answer 6

Of course they have a vested interest as to where you spend your money if you are paying them back. They did you a huge favor and you should be thankful!

Sorry but you made it their business by borrowing the money from them. You should be responsible enough to make it a priority to pay them back.

You say it's your money and none of their business but your borrowed it from them. OK, that makes NO sense. Be responsible and pay them back!

You owe them money why should they butt out? If you are spending money furiously, you have taken total advantage of their kindness.

What is wrong with you people!! Of course it is the in-laws business they OWE them money!

Answer 7

This is the exact same problem that I am having with my inlaws.I am to the point where I dont tell my in laws any of my business,cause they will constantly call to find out whats goin on with us financially.Even if we are having financial problems i dont let them know it anymore.They are just sooooo nosy.Yeah they may be concerned but they want to know everything.Just dont tell them anything goin on with your family.

Answer 8

"and the family really pitched in and helped out"--that is awesome, and your very fortunate to have family to help out. others are not that lucky, losing their houses, cars, ruined credit..etc...
in regards to your question, your husband needs to be the one to speak to them. He should be direct in saying that you have been working very diligently at taking care of your finances, including paying them back..but that it is rather humiliating to you as a family to have to justify any spending. Your family deserves privacy and dignity. (if you do it, no matter how tactful you are, you may hurt/ruin your relationship with them)

Answer 9

Politely but firmly tell them that your finances are your business. Remind them that you're fulfilling your obligations to them (repaying them) and that what you do with the rest of your money is between you and YOUR family.

Answer 10

typical. the only thing you can do is tell them" look, we appreciate all you've done for us and we're paying back our debt on time, so if you don't mind, we'd rather not discuss our finances any further" usually short and to the point will stop their prodding. if they come back with a "well, we don't want this to happen again" just remind them," no more discussion,thank you"