As children we thought mommy was our hero, and the greatest person in the world, although she never was there for us. She was a great provider buying us the best clothes & toys Her dis-interest came aparent when she re-married,She totally ignored us as she had her lovers & went on trips leaving us at home to be violated, this went on for 7 yrs till me and my sister left home at 14 & 7 her to live with her father & me with my grandmother. We both returned to mom as teenagers to find we still had to fend for ourselves, as she was more interested in her men, & drugs. I moved out and got married & my sister went to live with her father. I got divorced & moved closer to my mother after she went into rehab and split from her new husband after having another child. Everything was fine until this year when she sucked all my money & threw me & my kids out in the street cause I had no more. Then my children tell me she talks about me calling me a slut, I no longer want her in our lives.
2007-08-16 12:44:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Is this wrong. My sister has also cut my mother from her life and seems to be happier and healthier.
2007-08-16 12:45:33 · update #1
I know how you feel because I've been there. And all I can say is for you to just distance yourself from her. Don't completely cut her out of your life, cuz no matter what she's still family. Think of this, would you want your kids to dissown you if they were in your situation? From personal experience, I've learned that's it better for you-yourself, to keep yourself less involved in her life and hers out of yours, but it's comforting (in a way) to know that she's there and that she's doing okay for herself. And if she isn't, too bad. That's how she made you feel, as if she didn't care, so you have all the right in the world to feel and act in the same way. Or you can help. Ultimately, it's about how you feel, just don't beat yourself up when you know that you've set yourself up for disappoinments. It's family, and it's going to happen no matter what you do, good and/or bad.
2007-08-16 13:10:30 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're fine. Some women are poison (mother/sister/daughter/friend) and they can't help it.
My Mother-in-law is bi-polar manic depressive and won't take her meds. She's deceitful, hateful, and a lier who spreads these vicious lies like wildfire. It wouldn't be so bad if so many people didn't believe her. She acts completly normal and loving, the perfect persecuted mom in public (like at our wedding) yet in private she's awful. Not to me, i'm still new to the family...but i've heard stories that would make your skin crawl (she would leave her {then} infant in her car seat alone in front of the TV in a closed room for 4+ hours). My father-in-law has full custody of the 2 under age children left in the house and she only gets every other weekend with one of them. Court ruled...see? Courts get it right sometimes.
But really? Some women are just poison.
Be cordial and polite (she is your mom and if she does pull it back together you don't want negatives on your behalf looming around), but be vary wary of how close you let her in. Your husband and children are always first in your life. Protect their safety and good health above all else.
2007-08-16 13:11:47 · answer #2 · answered by Katie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its wrong at all i lived in the same situation after her and my dad divorced she moved us from house to house different town's just so she could be with the next loser junkie she had picked up off the streets until eventually we were taken by child welfare and placed in foster care and to this day i really don't want to have NE thing to do with her. i try to help her out now that i am an adult but really she will never change and i have excepted that and moved on and think you should do the same its only best for you and your children that don't mean i think you should x her out 100% but think u do need to set a limit and stick with it my son likes seeing his grandmother but its on my terms every time.your mother cant control you so don't let her..do what you have to do to make yourself feel better
2007-08-16 16:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by susi_q_2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have cut my mother out of my life, she is an abusive alcoholic, I left home at 14 and never looked back, I am happier and healthy because of my decision. It is the best thing I ever did. She is still an alcoholic, and she is still abusive. So do it!! You will be happier in every way.
2007-08-16 12:56:05 · answer #4 · answered by Shawnee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People go through many things in their lives and this is one of the hardest. Like you said we look at our mother's like our heroes who are always there for us. the way I see it anybody can be a mother, but not everybody can be a mom. Your mom may be going through hard times, but sometimes it takes a harsh reality for them to understand things. I don't personally think it is wrong, but hopefully sooner or later things will be better for you and your family! Good luck!
2007-08-16 13:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by hypnotic_wht_grl_21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not wrong because in life all we want to be is happy and healthy and bring our kids up like this so anyone - no matter who it is- who wreaks havoc should expect to be excluded. Sounds like your mum has and still is the centre of her own world. She won't change until she loses the ones closest to her because they won't put up with her selfishness any longer. Good luck and now that your a mum your children come before anyone.
2007-08-16 12:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I battled with this question for years. I kept up a very toxic relationship with my mom because I always hoped she would change and because I was the only one still communicating with her. Five years ago I decided enough was enough. You dont need to keep someone who only brings negativity into your life in your life. Move on. Its okay.
2007-08-16 19:14:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bookworm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong and you are okay to feel this way . someone like her does not deserve kids and she needs her a-- kicked . what of person does that to her kids not a good mother . You are right for not wanting her in your life and dont let your kids around her either . good luck and stay happy and healthy.
2007-08-16 12:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the person, your sister may feel it wasbest for her not to have anything to do with your Mother. She may have her own issues to deal with. You may feel the need to have contact with her. Don't judge your sister. Just try to build what you want with your Mom. Good luck.
2007-08-16 13:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by tigerprincess_bee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is wrong at all. It sounds like you have paid a lot for her self-destructive behavior. Now that you have kids, you have a responsibility to protect them from people like that. It doesn't sound like she is at a point where she is ready to listen, but maybe you could tell her that when she is, you'll be ready to talk?
2007-08-16 13:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by Erin B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋