Women/girls: does it bother you when a shop clerk calls you "honey" or "sweetie"...?

Question

...or "dear" or "love"? I've been trying to figure out what makes the difference between the instances that it bothers me and those when it does not, and I really can't put my finger on the difference between being patronizing/ sexist and just being nice in an old-fashioned way. I know the difference when I experience it, though! Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

Arcanum70, thank you for your perspective. The last time I was addressed as "sweetie" was by a woman who must have been in her 70's, so I think your point may not apply here. But for what it's worth, I think that women and girls tend to respond based on whether they think someone intends to do them harm--snap judgment and, I am sure, not always accurate. A man of 75 with good manners is always going to be nore likely to get a smile from me than a leering (even if good-looking) 25-year-old. Just my 2 cents' worth, and thanks for answering. --L

Answer 1

Most of the time I really dislike it. Sometimes I will say so, something like "I prefer to save terms of endearment for my loved ones." But that doesn't tend to go over all that well. Occasionally I'll toss back a "darling," or if I want to be funny, "sugar-britches." (I save that for the guys, it does get a good laugh)

When I'm in a REALLY good mood, sometimes it doesn't bother me. But mostly I find it presumptuous and patronizing. Even if it isn't meant to be, I feel like people in service professions should know.

But often I do let it go, and I don't think most people realize it bothers me if I don't want them too. I hated waiting table because people are always calling the waitress "honey" or something like that, and you can't say anything if you expect to remain employed. It may have been the best reason to get my graduate degree.

Answer 2

It is so difficult to find what to say to strangers in this oh so very politically correct world. Titles, like Mr., Mrs., Miss are often resented, honey, dear, sweetie, are frowned upon, all that is left is "Hey, you there" and that is blunt and rude.
Some stores call you by your last name and title on a credit card card purchase, but when cash is paid, they have no access to your name.
So, it does not bother me to hear an endearment. The only time I might not like it when the endearment drips with sarcasm. Thank you, come again, DEAR-RY, or SU-WE- TEE annoys me, but it is the attitude, the sarcasm, not the words.
Is that what you were trying to put your finger on? Attitude?
Thankfully, most of the endearment usage is for lack of something better to say, or really meant nicely.

Answer 3

For me, it depends on the person addressing me with these terms and the situation. For example, I don't mind women calling me that. When I was younger, in my 20s, I was a bit annoyed. I looked much younger than I was- so I can understand why it happened. Now that I'm in my 50s, being called "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Love" or "Dear" is o.k. Again, it's women calling me this.

However, I don't like it when men do that- especially older men. I feel cheap. I feel like they're leering.

I work in a public library and the men who call me this (and they do it to other female staffers) are older, no teeth and look like they have something else in mind. Creepy.

I hope this answers your questions.

Answer 4

I have found that the level at which this bothers women is directly proportionate to how attractive they find the person saying these things.

I have met many women who will tell you all day long that looks don't matter, but let something like what your talking about be done by someone they find attractive and they smile, but if it's done by someone they don't consider attractive and all of a sudden they are offended.

Answer 5

Being from the South I say that a LOT. I can't really help it, I was just raised that way. When someone says that to me I just look over it, why dwell and ponder or get angry at someone for saying words like that. I guess there are some that don't like it, but I think I could find something else to piss and moan about.

Answer 6

for me it all depends on the age of the person, and how familar I am with them. If it's someone who is arpaerntly older than me, it wouldn't bother me. Or if it is a clerk that I am familar with, it wouldn't bother me. But if it was some young kid, or someone I wasn't familar with I think I would be slightly upset... but I don't think it would bother me enough that I would actually say something....well maybe if it was someone who made me feel like they were saying it in a "perverted" kind of way.

Answer 7

Unless the person calling me honey or sweetie is like a 70 year old grandma or something, it's not cool! I hate when other people my age do it, it's just condescending .

Answer 8

When it is a shop clerk, I take no offense. However, if my friends or classmates do it it is in almost every case patronizing.

Answer 9

I don't mind if if a female clerk does, but I DO mind if a male clerk does.

Life is full of double standards, so I don't care if people criticize my unequal view.

Answer 10

I do recognize that most of the time they mean well, and I do just let it go.

But I really hate it. Makes it sound like I'm weak or overly sensitive or young and innocent, and I hate that. I'd much prefer plan old "ma'am."