I have been engaged for 2 months now. Everything is great, we have moved in & glad that we are starting our lives together. But my fiance wants to have a baby before our wedding date. We set our wedding date for June 2009. I agreed to have a baby before our wedding but now I am having 2nd thoughts. Not sure if this is the best idea. I am hesitant because I am sure that after we have a baby we will not have a nice wedding & a honeymoon. Am I being selfish?
2007-08-16 11:16:11 · 27 answers · asked by Erica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would be concerned about a guy who wants to have a baby before getting married to someone he supposedly loves. What kind of stupid, put the cart before the horse, idea is that? Either get married now and have a baby or wait until after you get married in 2009.
Having a baby will NOT keep you together, so if that's what he's thinking, it's all the more reason not to do it now.
2007-08-16 11:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by my2centsworth 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Move up your wedding date if possible. If you cannot, then do not under any circumstances have a child before you get married in 2009. Tell your fiance that you have second thoughts and do not feel it is a good idea. After the child is born, you will be more apt to have a very small wedding and maybe no honeymoon. Don't consent...continue to use birth control. If your dream is to have a nice wedding and honeymoon, do not have a child before getting married. You are not being selfish, you are being smart. Always listen to your inner voice which always gives you the right answer. Remember this little ditty:
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Josie with the baby carriage
Follow that order as it is the right and true order for you or anyone.
2007-08-16 16:22:48 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why not move your wedding up a year? June 2009 is a long time off, and it really doesn't take that long to plan a wedding. By the time I get married in November, the total time it took me to plan it will be 6 months. And it's not a back yard wedding, it's a very nice one with a fancy venue...I had a baby before my first marriage, and my son came to the wedding when he was 9 months old- believe me, I fretted as to where he was a lot of the night, then we only went on a weekend honeymoon.
Do the wedding first, then the baby- regardless of how long you and your fiance have been together, it's always nice to have the time as a married couple before you go and make your life hectic with kids.
2007-08-16 13:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by chloe1995 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think since you are planning for a wedding that you should wait for the kids until AFTER the wedding.
I think a child before the wedding will add to the stress. Finding someone to take care of the baby while walking down the aisle and on the honeymoon, the pregnancy itself, saving up for when you give birth, all that jazz.
You are smart. Talk to your fiance and tell him you want to wait until after the wedding to have kids.
What reasoning does he have for wanting a child prior to the wedding?
2007-08-17 03:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 2nd thoughts are telling you to wait, so you should wait. Trust me... I became pregnant on the birth control pill by accident (was taking another med at the time too), anyways, we had our child, and decided not to rush into marriage because of the baby. Soooooo glad we did this because my co-workers who were pregnant around the same time as I all rushed to get married after they became pregnant.....they are allll now divorced. We just became engaged and are now getting married next year....
anyways, on to you- we have no US time. One thing we really miss now that we have a child. We also don't have family nearby to help out- so we are on our own. So we do miss going on dates, yet I personally feel good about myself for taking care of our son without help.... but if we could do this all over, we'd get married then have the baby so we could enjoy one another a little longer before we put all of our time towards a child. I love my son greatly, he brings so much joy and happiness to us. He's almost 2 :) But seriously, enjoy your husband and your honeymoon without having to worry- is my son/daughter ok, should I call? Things like that- being a parent makes you worry a lot hehe
I really do wish you the best! Also- if you do get pregnant, don't buy a dress until after you had the baby! You might be a little bigger- Im just now getting back to my normal size again :) I lost 40lbs and am working on just a little more before the wedding :) It's not easy having a little one around when all your time is wrapped up with him/her.
Congrats!
2007-08-16 16:47:39 · answer #5 · answered by m930 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just a suggestion why not move the wedding date up have the wedding that you want then have the baby you can pay for the wedding you want now and then you have 9 months to save some money to start that family
Good Luck
2007-08-16 12:59:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, dont have the baby first, get married and enjoy your married life for a while.
There is nothing like the first few eyars of marriage, there is such a magic that you experience. If you had a baby that magic would be gone, you would never experience it.
I have 2 kids of my own, so I'm not just talking out of my a'ss, I know what I am saying. Kids take every ounce of your time and attention, you are right in thinking that you wont have the wedding of your dreams, because you wont. Especially for new mothers, its hard to justify frivolous expenses when you have little ones. I can remember my husband sent me out on a shopping trip to get some new clothes with my mom after my 1st baby was born and instead of buying for myself I bought for my daughter. When you are a mom, something comes over you and more often than not you decide to go without so your children can have more, its just mother's nature to do this.
Take your time and wait to have the baby until you are married. Dont miss out on being a new wife in your new life.
Best of luck.
2007-08-16 11:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think you're being smart.
What is the rush to have a baby before you're married and why would you want to have a child out of wedlock?
You may be living together now, but marriage will be an adjustment. You both need to have time to grow together as a couple before putting a child into the mix. Believe me, it will make raising a child much easier. You don't realize the extra strain having a child will be on the relationship, especially one that hasn't had time to grow.
Sit down and talk to him about this now. I'm sure you can work it out.
2007-08-16 13:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you are having these hesitations, you should talk to him. No, i dont think that you are being selfish at all. A womens wedding and honeymoon are important and you will be really busy planning the wedding, AND having a baby, you will really be overwhelmed. I think you should talk to your fiance about your concerns.
2007-08-16 11:26:33 · answer #9 · answered by muzicchiq 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby is kind of a big deal to do for someone as a favor or a concession based on something you don't really want right now. You must not do it, keep on your regimen of whatever you are doing to avoid it, if he complains or nags you that is a major red flag and perhaps breaking off an engagement is easier than getting a divorce. Get him my new favorite book, it will open his eyes to what chauvanism is and how to best communicate and respect a wife. Broken families Broken homes by Rick Douglass available at authorhouse.com
2007-08-16 12:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by Offshoring rules 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋