Everyone insists I try spanking because I have tried everything else. YES, WITH CONSISTENCY!!! But when I do spank him, he doesn't really care. I don't do it hard, is that why? How hard do you spank? I don't know if I feel comfortable with doing it with all my strength or anything but the ones I do don't seem to phase him, he hits me back much harder! He actually hurts ME.
2007-08-16 10:11:10 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
he's 3.5
he doesn't care when I take away his toys, most of his toys rae now in the attic and now he starts even MORE touble because he is bored and comes around making a mess or pinching his little sister or stepping on her hand when she crawls.
2007-08-17 04:12:29 · update #1
Dont be a freak...if you want to assault someone physically do it to someone your own size...NOT to a small child who cannot defend himself...you'll be asking in ten years why he hates you.
2007-08-16 10:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 7⤊ 17⤋
I have a girl, and perhaps that's why I don't have to spank hard enough for her to really even feel it - it is the punishment factor - spanking is really just a painless demonstration that I am displeased with her. I think boys are a little harder - they are just tougher emotionally or at least appear to be. It's probably not the physical part of the punishment that is meant to get their attention, but the mental, so sometimes the "surprise" factor works even when you don't inflict any real pain with the spanking - come up behind him when he is misbehaving and catch him way off guard.
Perhaps the reason you are not comfortable spanking "hard" is your mental state when you are administering the punishment. Are you really angry? I think good parents know inside that spanking while they are really angry is just not the way to go (it is meant to discourage and punish bad behavior, not to vent your own frustration as a parent), and the guilt feelings come in - you don't want to hurt your child in anger, just punish him. I try never to spank unless I can at least ACT calm on the outside and be able to say, "mommy told you not to touch that, now you are getting a spanking." Being calm helps you stay in control of the situation, be the adult and decide what needs to be done next.
If your child is older and spanking seems to have any effect, taking away favorite toys, cherished privileges might work better than this kind of punishment. Eventually you should find something that works! Parenting is all trial and error, as we all are discovering.
2007-08-16 10:28:09 · answer #2 · answered by Nickel 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you are uncomfortable with spanking him harder than you are, don't bother. It won't help. Consistency is the key. You need to take a deep breath, speak to him in the sternest voice possible letting him know your displeasure. Of course, do not smile. He'll think that it is play time. Be very serious and perhaps designate a specific spot for his time out. They do work. Do not fight with him about the "naughty" spot. He will resist at first. If you are consistent and continually use this area...away from anything fun...he will know that you mean business and he will recognize that he is being punished. You should only put him there, one minute for every year since birth...3 minutes for three year olds, etc. Make sure that he knows exactly what he has done to be put in the "naughty" spot at the beginning of the punishment in the "unhappy" mommy voice. This worked well with my kids. Now that they are older, I don't have to use the voice, all I have to do is get "that" look on my face and they know that I mean business. Repetition is key. Be consistent and take back control of the situation. Good luck!
2007-08-16 10:31:36 · answer #3 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
you know something spanking a child is not a bad thing espeshially when they are misbeaheave i am so sick and tired of people calling parents who spank there kids abusive wreally? not everything is abuse people. a light tap on the but is not abuse and guess what some times a timeout or a lecture does not work so to say this person is abusing her child is bullshit sounds like you giys have issues with spanking a kid well dont try and shove your options down her throught just becasue you dont like spanking's.
2016-03-17 00:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some parenting books by Dr. James Dobson. I have "the strong wiled child" and "Bringing up boys" by him and they are wonderful books. Great advice from a christian Dr. Yes-he believes in spanking. calmly, with love, no yelling or screaming and don't go overboard. You spanking him does not give him the OK to hit you. He just knows he can get away with it. He is out of control and you must get him under control before he turns 14 and is staying out all night doing drugs. You are in charge. Now make HIM believe that without a doubt!
2007-08-16 10:47:17 · answer #5 · answered by samira 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
So don't do it. It's all very well 'everyone' telling you to do this, but is 'everyone' living with your son 24/7? No, they aren't. You are. Since you know it doesn't work, and that it is teaching him to hit, then stop it and switch to other disciplinary methods like time out, ignore and distraction...
2007-08-16 11:45:27 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
we can't go around hitting each other if we behave in away that someone else does not like, so why is it OK to hit a child. we should teach by example and show our children how to behave when someone does something we don't like, how to reason and how to control anger.
consistency is a big thing, always say no to the same things, not letting it go some days when you can't be bothered.
don't make empty threats, if you say your gonna take a toy away or not allow him to do something then you've gotta carry it out, so he knows you mean business,
praise praise praise children would rather receive positive attention over negative, maybe use star charts with rewards after so many stars, to reward good behavior
talk to him about how you expect him to behave and tell him mummy is sorry for hitting him and that it will never happen again.
agree together on how you would both like to be treated, he will respect you more for involving him
2007-08-16 12:27:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Well if you don't feel comfortable spanking him it wont work and if it doesn't phase him it really wont work. You have to try different tactics to get respect and discipline from your child or it will only get worse. No body can tell you whats right for you or your child but you have to figure something out before he gets old enough to really hurt you.
2007-08-16 10:21:24 · answer #8 · answered by MYAB 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
a tap won't pahse him. a swat or two usually means you mean buisness... don't go overboard. I spank my kids, but thru the pants so it's a little tougher. and let them know your doing it.... the thought of getting spanked usually helps the attitude. slapping his hand works just as well and doesn't require much force (the top is tender) and raise your voice telling him NO (or what ever he is doing wrong) obceneities are out , as is losing you temper it only makes it worse. I'd try the hand to start. The people that tell you that it's assualt have no children or have no clue whats going on. I have tried everything before I started spanking.... I have to discipline less frequently because tehy THINK about what they are doing wrong.... to those who are negative you need a spanking
2007-08-16 10:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by firefighter_joe2001 2 · 8⤊ 2⤋
well certainly do not spank him with all your strength. If your just popping him and he doest really feel it then maybe your not doing it hard enough for him to care or maybe spankings just do not work for him. find something that works but do NOT allow him to get away with hitting you. I was spanked as a child and in fact-just about everyone I know was spanked and I would NEVER dream of hitting my parents. My friends have never hit their parents. I also love them deeply. My children has never attempted to raise a hand at me and they are also spanked. Your son knows he can get away with it. My kids know they better not even think about it. I do not mean to sound critical but that is whats going on. Make him know that he will NOT get away with it.
You may just need to try something else. have you taken away every privilege he has? every toy? this along with positive reinforcement should work. If you are not able to give him lots of attention then that could be the problem, too. Do you spend at least 1-2 hours playing, talking, reading and interacting with him? everyday? if not-that's a big problem, too. good luck
2007-08-16 10:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by Emily 5 · 5⤊ 3⤋
have we all went crazy hitting is not ok ever would u want you're kids to hit other kids because they are getting up set at them some times the best thing u can do is step back take a min to calm down and then try again spanking is the easy way out do u want you're kids to take the easy way out some times it may take a hour to get them to under stand what u are trying to tell them but in the end it will be worth it because u will be teaching them that with a little time and patience u can work any trouble out and i think that is a better lesson to teach you're child sit him down and give him a time out 1 min per how old they are make them stay there the hole time even if u have to keep putting them back they will slowly learn from this it will take work put being a parent and doing the right thing is a lot of work but well worth it
2007-08-16 10:47:50 · answer #11 · answered by favorite_aunt24 7 · 1⤊ 5⤋