What Should I Tell My Daughter...?

Question

When I was in my very early 20's I was beaten and raped. I realized I was pregnant not too long after, I prayed alot about it and decided to keep my daughter. Now she is a beautiful, young four year old whom I love to pieces. Anyways, I am a strong christian and need some advice. Pretty soon, my daughter will start asking me about her daddy. What do I tell her? I do not really feel that telling her I was raped would help her self-esteem or benefit her in any way. DO you have any suggestions? Thanks!

Answer 1

I questioned where my dad was at age 4. My mum simply sat me down and said "well, your daddy had to leave. He's an important man because he helped make you, but he couldn't stay."
I would suggest holding your daughter as you tell her (that's important) and saying what the person above mentioned "it was a night i'll never forget ........" That was nicely worded given the circumstance.
When your daughter gets to be 16, 17, i would say that would be the best age to explain what happened to you, but sit close to her, so she feels like you're not ashamed or blame her. My mum never held me, hugged me or anything and that made me feel unloved, unwanted and lonely. But always tell he rhow much she means to you and how much you love her, no matter how old she is.

Answer 2

While you are christian and I am too, the whole story right now is out of the question and be as vague as possible until she's a older....... but you have to realize if anyone in that town wher eyou live knows she is a rape child it will likely be said accidently infront of another child eventually probably when she is older but sooner than you were prepared to tell her the whole truth. and I don't know if you all have forgotten but middle school and high school can be complete hell for girls at that age b/c some girls can be more than a little mean.

However, right now The more complicated the answer about her biological father the more questions she will ask. Just tell her he left a long time ago and you are not sure where he is. If she asks for a name, if you know it say his first name but not his last. if she wants to know more then just tell her you'll tell her all about it when she's older. which is definitely not a lie.

When you date someone or marry someone, she may eventually forget about the questions about her biological father for a long time if you meet someone while she is still young. But until then shower her with love and affection b/c there is nothing wrong with being the only parent in her life. She has all she'll ever need and that's you.

Answer 3

It's one thing to tell a young girl about her father when he is an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband of yours whom you once loved. It is entirely another thing to tell her that she is the product of a violent rape. I wouldn't tell her the truth until she was considerably older and more able to understand what it all means. If she asks in the meantime, just tell her you don't know where her daddy is. That is not a lie, so you don't have to worry about being dishonest to her. Think about it- if you told her the truth, her next question would be, "what does rape mean?" Then you'd have to tell her, and she'd know all about sex and where babies came from, AND she'd also know that her father had beaten you up and forced you to do things you didn't want to do, and then along she came. That is a terrible thing for a child of any age to have to work through, let alone a 4-year-old. She's better off not knowing the whole truth.

Answer 4

well that's a very difficult situation and I'm sorry. right now i agree with you didnt tell her that her dad raped you. what i would do is while shes still young is if she asks you dont answer kids minds dont stay focused on one subject for long. When she is older maybe 8 or 9 i would tell her that her dad wasn't a very nice man and things did not work out between the two of you(or if he is currently not living tell her that he died). i would say when she turns 15 or 16 when shes mature enough to tell her the truth. but i wouldn't tell her if she immature and ready because sometimes news like that can corrupt a persons life you dont want to upset or worry her in her teen years when teenage girls go through a lot. but the conclusion of the matter is its up to you no one knows your daughter better than you do so you will know when shes ready and whats best for her. and of course prayer is the best thing you can do for her.i hope i helped.

Answer 5

I admire you for your strength and the love you have for your daughter. It would be a pretty hard concept for your daughter to understand at such a young age. The truth can wait till later. I can't give you an answer because that would be inappropriate not knowing a little more about both of you. I can only suggest that you get some professional advice. I truly wish you happiness in the future.

Answer 6

It's too early to tell her the truth right now since she's only 4. You can tell her that her Dad is far away. When she gets to the age when she's old enough to understand, in my opinion, it's better to tell her the truth. It's better to be honest and not have guilt inside you and It's better for her to hear the truth from you that from other people. If she doesn't understand you at first, i'm sure she will in the long run. She'll appreciate your decision of keeping her instead of having an abortion. In God's eyes and in many people's eyes you did a very heroic job!

Answer 7

I honestly don't think it would benefit her in any way shape or form. Now taking into consideration you say you are a strong christian, I am taking it you are not an advocate for telling her a lie, however I think it may benefit in her favor. Ultimately, the decision is up to you but I really think it might damage her if she did find out. Any way, I wanted to take a second to say that you raising a baby resulting from rape is very noble and strong of you. Good luck to you and your wonderful daughter!

Answer 8

WOW! This is very hard. I think I would tell her that God has a plan for everyone. God's plan was for you to have your daughter. God's plan for her dad was something else. Tell her he's not a part of her life. But be sure to make her feel secure. Emphasis the other stable people she does have in her life (besides you) perhaps grandparents, aunts or uncles or even good friends you may have who she can see as part of her extended family. I can honestly say that I grew up in a home where we were away from ALL of my extended family and that the family my mom made for us out of her friends and coworkers was just as good as any family. Make sure she understands that these people are her family. She doesn't have a dad but she has (for example) an Aunt Karen who will always be there for her. And that is something other kids don't have. God makes each family special.

Answer 9

wow, that's a really hard situation, and it sounds like you must be a really strong person to endure such a situation. I think at your daughter's age she definitely doesn't need the whole story, I would probably just tell that her father is not in the picture and leave it at that. Little ones usually just take what you say at face value without asking too many questions. As she gets older she may be able to handle more information, but right now less is definitely more. Hope this helps, good luck and God bless!

Answer 10

I understand. My daughter is now 11. She has no idea and I intend to keep it that way. It will not benefit her to know that she was created from violence. She does ask a lot of questions, though. I know who her father is and I tell her that if she wants to meet him, she will have to wait until she is 18. I do try to be honest about the kind of person he is. I also give her as much love as I can. I guess that I am building that foundation for the day that she will know and hope that she understands that although the incident was unwanted, she was very much wanted and very loved. I hope this helps and I wish you luck.