Boyfriend doesn't feel a natural connection?

Question

We have been together for a year (and 2 months). I recently told him I loved him and he said he doesn't feel a natural connection with me. At the same time he has problems with various things, such as my age (even though I'm only three years younger than him). It seems like he keeps on pulling out small things about me that he doesn't like or that bothers him. Something so simple as we talk and write differently. I feel that I have a connection with him and I don't see why he would stay with me a year if nothing felt "natural". Is there some way to build that natural connection with him or should I just forget about it. I feel like he is just making up a bunch of excuses to not be with me, even though he said he wasn't. I really want to try to fix the relationship and he said that he would try to too. I'm wondering if it's really worth it, my feelings are strong for him so it's difficult to just give up. I don't know why but I also worry about being alone if we are not together anymore

It's hard to get my friends out of their houses and I'm the type to want to explore new places. My feeling to not give up on the relationship is so strong. This is extremely hard on me, I'm sad and angry all the time now. And I think about just ending it but something is there that keeps on stopping me. I can't figure out what to do.

Answer 1

You know, "natural connections" don't always happen in relationships. Sometimes, you have to work at getting to really know someone and finding things you really enjoy about them before you find any sort of "connection". I think that your boyfriend needs to hear about what he's doing to you. You could tell him that it's biting down on your self-esteem, and that you really don't think it's healthy for your relationship. If he keeps his word about wanting to fix what y'all have, then he'll be open to what you're telling him, and he'll stop critisizing you so much.

Good luck

Oh, and your fear of being alone is normal. But think of it this way: maybe ending this relationship is what it takes to make him see how much he really needs you in his life. If he's not happy without you, then he'll come back to you and your problem will be fixed. If he doesn't come back to you, then you were never meant to be with him in the first place. Then, you can broaden your horizons and find someone (and you will find others) that you have connections with that will feel the same about you and everything that you do.

Answer 2

Wow! That long, and he won't say I love you? Something's really wrong here. You two need to sit down and talk about this. I don't know what guy would be with a girl for that long if he wasn't in love, so I'm banking on, he's scared. he's scared to say it. Truthfully, if there's not a "love connection" within 8 months TOPS, I drop the relationship. What's the point? He sounds like my ex from high school....we are still friends, but he's never changed. Sorry wish i could be of more help.

Answer 3

You may want to fix things but by his remarks and treatment towards you, whether he says it directly or not, his actions are screaming that "he just not that into you" (yeah sorry for the cliche quote). I mean if after a year and two months, he tells you that he does not feel a natural connection with you, then you need to wake up and smell the coffee because the fact of the matter is that he's not ever going to. You need to realize that you deserve to be happy and that you also deserve to have someone in your life who reciprocates that 'natural connection' rather then pull away and say things that upset you. I was married at a young age and although I cannot regret it completely because I have a beautiful daughter and have learned a lot, I remember very clearly how hard it was to let go of someone when you know things are just not right and never will be. Of course you have found comfort in having someone there by your side but he seems more like dead weight rather then a companion. Of course it will take time to become readjusted to being single again and that it will hurt because you are letting go of someone that you care about. However you have to realize that this isn't the end of the world (even if it may feel like it) and it isn't the end of one chapter in your life but rather the beginning of a new one where you won't be consumed or dependent on another for your own happiness especially when they aren't giving it to you, and where you can find happiness outside of a romantic relationship by focusing on things that make you happy. In time, your wounds will heal and you will find someone that loves you and respects you just as much if not more then you do for them. I used to think that I couldn't leave my ex husband who was a cheater and just a complete scumbag but long story short, I finally did. I realized that by staying with someone who was so detached and apparently cared so little for me was going to be a lot more lonely life then finding the strength to leave and have a chance at finding what I truly desire out of love and out of life. I know you care but you have to realize that you can get through this and you do deserve better. Time heals all wounds even if it doesn't seem like it at first. I just hope you get what you were looking for because a word of note, I was scared to leave to but I finally found everything that I was looking for in my bf now and if I had been foolish enough to stay with my ex who made it clear through action that he didn't care, I wouldn't be where I am today and that is satisfied and unbelievably happy. Good luck and I hope for the best in whatever decision you may choose : )

Answer 4

If you have been together for a year and her still doesn't feel a connection with you...I'm sorry to say I don't think he ever will. I know. After being with someone for a long time you days start to revolve around theri calls/visits/texts so I can understand being scared of being alone, it might feel like you are alone at first. You have to occupy your time, with sports, movies, doing your nails, going out with friends, ANYTHING. If he said I dont know if I can say "I Love you" yet that would be differnt than saying that he had no connection. Maybe all those little things are not so little in his mind a pile up....
You want to be with someone who love those little things not resents you because of them. I say break it off and get a new start. Good Luck

Answer 5

??? He doesn't feel a "natural connection?" WTH does that mean? Sounds like a coward's way of saying, "I don't want to be with you anymore, but I'm too chickens*** to actually break up with you." So save him the trouble; dump his sorry a**. Make yourself available for someone who does want to be with you.

As for your friends not sharing your taste for exploration, sounds like you need some new friends. You don't necessarily need to get rid of the existing ones, but you need someone to share your explorations with. I suggest that you do a little light exploring on your own in places where you're likely to meet the kind of people who share your interests (and where you're not taking your life in your hands by going alone). You can't make recreational choices for your friends, but neither should you let them make those choices for you. Get out there and do the things that you enjoy, even if it means going without some of the people you are currently friends with.

Answer 6

If he doesn't like you, the way you are, dump him. Get another guy that likes you for you. When you get rid of thim. Hang out with friends. Have a party. You will find the love of your life someday, it takes time. Good luck and Take care.

Answer 7

Honey quit wasting your precious years on him!! If he hasn't felt anything in over a year...why are you two still together? Why did he stick around? What have YOU stuck around?? Move on and find someone who will love you for who you are and not how you write! lol

Answer 8

well maybe u should spend a lot of time with him tell him all ur secrets because it could be he feels like he doesnt know anything about u or because he feels u are hiding something just make sure he trust u act mature make sure he always has fun when hes with u and that u make him feel he can tell u anything that he can count on u just be there for him

Answer 9

It's natural to worry about being alone. But think about this, if your not meant to be with him, staying with him leaves you unavailable for the one you are meant to be with! best wishes!

Answer 10

End it, you cant make it happen. If you dont you may miss the one.