What advise should i give my hubby..he just found out who his reall dad is?AFTER 21 yrs?

Question

His sis found his dad,and sis,and a brother.Its been almost 22 years,and finally he knows about them.he doesnt know what to do,he wantd my advise.What should i tell him??..i think a dad is not the man that got the women pregnant because anyman can do that.Dad is the man who took care of him....right?
He is currently in Iraq,and doesnt know what to do..what should i tell him.he asked for my advise,but i didnt know what to tell him.....

I know it has NOTHING To do with Beauty,but no one else helps me in Family secction.

Answer 1

First of all, his genetic father has never been a "dad" to him, nor has he ever been "family" with him. If your husband had a man in his life who was a father to him, that man is his "dad", regardless of genetics.

Second, your husband doesn't have to do a darn thing as regards to his genetic family. He can contact the genetic father if he wants to, but he doesn't have to. He may or may not be enriched by getting to know the natural family.

Third, he needs to forgive the ones that could have told him, but chose not to. They probably did what they thought was best, perhaps because of their own fears about the subject.
In most cases it would be a good idea to discuss it with them. Let them know that he knows, and that it's OK. Getting these things out in the open is a huge step toward healing.

Remember that the genetic family is all "pie in the sky" right now. The "real" family that he knows and has a relationship with are the ones that truly matter at this point. Think of them first, and think of the genetic family as secondary.

Answer 2

if i were your husband who's in iraq, i will write them first
alot of what-ifs in my mind but deep down in me would want to meet them and knowing that the sooner will be the better.
start letter saying hello, introduce me and whatever comes to my mind
and when time arrives both sides are ready to meet, i'd meet them.
cause, yes dad is the man who took care of him, but the dad gave him a life also a dad.
what-ifs after meeting them? i'll think about them later.
if this was only about genetic father, would be alot easier. but didn't you say that his sister found a sister and a brother also?
personally, i think your husband's been blessed
has a wonderful wife and family also the other family might've been missing him so much. wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Regardless of DNA, the real father figure in his life would be the man that was there for him, and took care of him. Though, if he's curious about his real father, he should go and meet him, otherwisehe might really regret it. My boyfriend's mother never knew her real father growing up, and one day he wanted to meet her and she refused. She said if he didn't want to see her when she was a baby then she doesnt want to see him now. But my boyfriend is now curious of who his real grandfather is, and I suggested that he find him, and figure everything out. At least then he wont be wonderin about it for the rest of his life.

Answer 4

1st tell him Thank you for protecting our Country and putting His life on the line for us here.. I agree.... any one can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad. My dad came into my life when I was 12. I love him like he is my real dad. I would tell your man, but let him make his own up his own mind if he wants to contact him. I do not ever talk my "sperm donor". This may be a little much for him, especially with where he is, so maybe wait to tell him. It's been this long. Unless he asks-then be honest. good luck sweetie!!!

Answer 5

I think everyone has a right to know their biological parents, even if you don't want a relationship with them for whatever reason - if for nothing else, there may be genetic issues you want answers to. He'll always have unanswered questions if he never tries to meet his biological father.

Answer 6

tell him to do whatever feels right
and that he isn't a real dad, because a dad is there
through out everything,
i cant really give advice on this
its different for everyone
my mom asked me if i wanted to see my 'real father'
i said no, because he left my mom after i was born
he wasn't a father at all

i hope i helped a bit

Answer 7

let us follow the God's rule for us/. Just let him forgive. Both the men and the women make mistakes children with different women/men. I really do not understand this.

Answer 8

All cases are different. All one can do is let him make his own discissions. for me I didn't have a good life and the love that should have come with it. I am a female who found her mother at 15 and never saw her till I was 30. My father whom I thought was my real father was suppose to be my step father.
I had asked him if this was true and he wouldn't tell me. I have an uncle that lived in a subdivision only 20 minutes away and he then told me that my uncle lived there somewhere. then my father/stepfather told me of all my aunts, uncles and grandmother, and that was only after I saw my mother for the first time. I was so hurt by all of this, I still loved him with all my heart and my step mother too. I had a hard time trusting the man that brought me up from the age of 7 because after all the question he wouldn't answer me with a yes, I know them. he lied and said that he didn't know what who they were. Before 7 years old I lived with different people then but when I was 2, I went to live with my father/stepfather mother till he got married and then it was my step mother that insisted that I come and live with them. He didn't want me to live with them and my life was very different being passed around. So to go ahead, having a this man being an alcoholic and I would take things to him all the time, fish which he loved, cigarettes and anything he needed.. One day we went there with things and he told us to leave and never come back, and one day I called him to let him know about his son, and he threaten my life. That was the last time I spoke to him. I wrote up his euligy for the service. I had all good things to say. Yes he was my father that put clothes on my back and food in my mouth but my heart hurt with all the lies he told me as it wasn't to protect me, I had said to him that all I wanted was the truth and he didn't want to tell me for a reason when I was young. I will never know. The threat was real and sincere from him.. I felt too that it was time for my hurt to move on and let the rest of the family take care of him. No one could get through to him as he was set in his ways and being the way he was, he had always said to my aunt I want to be like this and no one will change me. It was so sad to see. but we can't change the way people feel, nor the way people accept things. so if your hubby decides to not see his real father that is something you should support and if he does want to see him then you have to be there for him. Only the person that holds the key to their heart can either open it or keep it closed. I was looking for the love that I never got as a child that had parents. I would see my siblings get hugs and kisses but when I would reach out to my parents they would push me away and tell me that I was too old to be hugged like that. I was only 10 years old. So when it comes to what is to be or not to be no one know except for the person that has to make a decission. He should know and let him decided. Only when one is faced with these things know how it feels. It took me 15 years to finally make up my mind to see my mother.
we can't judge things by how they look but by experience.
If you still have parents living remember you only have one of each which ever you chose is your decission. Love doesn't come in dollars and cents, it come from the heart and if there is non there you will go where there is love. I never wanted his money just his love and the same for my step mother. Love is too hard to come by. I would rather do without material things as long as I had true love. Sorry for the long story. I do go on and on. but let your husband be the judge and let no man change his mind unless he is in danger, then show him the way. Good luck and God bless you in your new found family member. It might be he may not want to see him. let that be for him to decide.

Answer 9

i have no idea....that is really hard...i agree with you that the dad is the person who raises you, not just who donated genetics. i wish you the best of luck!

Answer 10

you should tell him, exactly what you told us it is the man who took care of him while he was growing up. good luck .