My Grandmother is terminally ill and I cant stop stressing, I cant concentrate, eat. I feel lost.?

Question

My Grandmother is back home, and is terminally ill with cancer an they can to anything about it because of her age. She is back home, I dont live with her. But she needs 24 Hour Care. So, I have been staying the night with her, but I dont sleep because she requires attention. It hurts to see her like this. I feel that I am not myself, I am tired, and I am not being the wife taht I should be. Does anybody have any advice, I have totally given in to my Grandmother's condition and all I have been carring about is her and I am trying to look for help. Am I being fair or does anybody have any advice for me. I am scared to loose her and I try to do so much for her and I stress day and night thinking that something is going to happen to her. I am in fear and I am just not functioning right. I dont find any type of happyness in anything. Advise

Answer 1

I'm truly sorry. I was very close to my Grandmother and I lost her too cancer many years ago. I was 14. I lived a long distance from her, I saw her for the last time at christmas, and no one told me she was terminally ill. She past before I could see her again. I hated my family for hiding her illness from me. There were so many things I would have said to her before she past. That still haunts me to this day. I know how hard it is for you right now. But in one way, you are lucky. You can talk to her and tell her the things I didn't get to say to my Grandmother. Count every second you have with her as a blessing. No one expects you to be coping 100% right now. Family and friends understand how much you are stressed and how hard this is for you. Concentrate on your grandmother, but don't forget to have a kind word for the others around you. They are grieving too. Family needs to be there for each other in times like these. Now, stop worrying about what is going to happen to her. Start remembering what a great person she is, what fun you had and what a good life she had. She will shortly be with God, no more pain, no more suffering. You can still talk to her every day, just send the messages to her in care of the lord. She will be a part of you forever. I still love and miss my grandmother, but I also know we will be together again one day. Don't overlook your own health, get someone to stay with her while you get some sleep, it's really important. Here is a poem I found, I don't know who wrote it, but it helps me:
DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed,
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me.
Pray for me.
Let my name be the household word it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind just because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval.
Somewhere very near, just around the corner.....
All is well.
Nothing is past, nothing is lost.
One brief moment,
and all will be as it was before,
Only better.
Infinitely happier
and forever,
we will be one,
together again.

Answer 2

I looked after my mom for a few months when she passed of cancer. Depending on where you live there is some help available to you. There could be home care/paliative care available to you. There may be hospice care in your area. My husband was extremely supportive. We spent months apart and knowing he was supportive helped a lot. If you can have another family member give you a break for a couple of days ever week or two. You are no good to anyone if you crash and burn. I know it is very hard to think about losing someone but just know that you are doing what your heart says is right and you will always remember you did good by your grandmother. You will never regret taking care of her in her last days and I know she appreciates you. Be strong. Death is a part of life and I hope her passing is calm and she has people like you around.

Answer 3

I have worked in nursing homes for many years and see many terminal patients. The only advice I can give you is that enjoy the time you have with her now. Try not to worry about losing her, by doing so your wasting precious time not talking to her and trying to make her life as happy as could be. Another thought, are you religious? If you are, just keep in mind that when she does pass, it will be a wonderful and caring place that she will be going. She will be with god and will have no pain or worries. Don't let your grandmother see you so upset. Pray with her, ease her worries and let her know you will be fine if she passes. I don't mean to offend, but I have see plenty of family member go on about how much they dont want to see the loss of a love one. The dont think about how the love one feels? Maybe she is ready. Like I said I don't want to make you mad. But talk to your grand mother, dont worry about her.
Good luck

Answer 4

I lost my father 13 years ago. Noone can ever know how you feel, however, there comes a time when you must grasp the fact that we all must go sometime. I am not sure your belief, but drawing close to God has made my life much more enjoyable. Understanding that our time on earth is but a stepping stone to when we get to be with God. There is real joy in knowing that my father is with my Father in heaven. He is looking down watching my family and I feel protecting me. We all have our time, and your grandmother's may be nearing, however, I would like to think that she wouldn't want you to neglect your own family either. I for one would not want to be a burden to my children's family. Take care of her when you can, do what you can, but your first priority is to your own children and husband. If your grandmother is able to speak, talk to her and see how she feels about it....Realize that it is okay to grieve, it is sad that you will no longer see her here on earth, but rejoice in the fact that you will now have another person in your corner up in heaven (if she believes) When there is no faith, life doesn't have much meaning, but when you truly find God, you gain a whole new perspective. Go to www.JoelOsteen.com and look around the site, listen to some of his sermons, I feel this will help lift you up. I will be praying for you. Good luck and God bless. Remember it's okay to cry, but sooner or later you will need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, dust yourself off, and get on with it. Your family needs you and is counting on you.

Answer 5

u must be totally drained ur giving out so much of cause you wont to take care of your grandmother and you a mother to but cant your husband watch the kids for an hour whilst u take a hot buble bath try do somrthing nice for yourself put some nice bodie lotion on but you must take everyday as it comes not to fear it everything happens for a reason but most important is you need support for you someone for you to lean on all the best kay

Answer 6

Not to state the obvious but why stress over death? she has lived her life this happens to us all, we see the loss of a loved one as a brush with death. our culture hides death and replaces it with fear.
Don't let fear damage the time she has left, don't resent the care you give or your responsibilities at home, find a balance that benefits everyones needs and wants

Answer 7

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheOpenDoorForsupport/