My boyfriend is 28 and I am 23 and we have been together for 3 months now. He treats me so well, we love each other deeply and plan to get married within the next couple years. He has a 7 year old daughter and I asked him what does he tell her when she asks him why he is not with her mommy. He said he tells her "I love your mom and she loves me but we do not understand each other and cannot live with each other because we argue all the time and that is not what we want for you...." I thought it was sweet but I can't get it out of my mind that he said that they love each other. Should I feel jealous or is this natural?
She has had a boyfriend for 9 months now so it's not like she is alone. Any thoughts or advice?
Thank you~
2007-08-16 07:30:36 · 24 answers · asked by HotJewels 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
....................................what did you want him to tell his young child, that no, mommy and daddy do not like each other anymore and i love this new person more than i ever loved mommy?
i think you are overthinking this. he was speaking to her in a way that she could understand. if the child had been older, he might have said we love each other but we are not IN love with each other anymore.
on some level i am sure some people still do love the person they had been with, that they always will. but they move on and realize there is someone out there who is better suited for them.
**after reading your other questions, i think you have some trust issues and that you have gotten in way too deep for this relationship too fast. he has a child to take care of and she will ALWAYS come first.
2007-08-16 07:34:53 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
I highly suggest you read the book "the five love languages" by Gary Chapman. I read it in 2 days, it was GREAT! This will help you and your boyfriend as it opened my eyes really wide! If you two are still in the "in love" stage, wait a couple of years before marriage. You need to see how you are once you have passed the "in love stage." Again, this book will help you!! I say this because you've only been with him a few months.
I never understood how you fall out of love to be honest. But the book describes ways it happens- having different love languages. Said it's like you and your boyfriend having 2 different languages- Chinese and English. But once you learn what each others love language is, you should be great together. I love and care for my ex boyfriends.... but not a romantic love for they have hurt me badly. If that makes any sense. I don't see myself ever loving them in a romantic way again, I've found myself happier than ever with my fiance.
So in this case, it's good your boyfriend and his ex get along because if they didn't, their child would be suffering even more than she is now. My parents were together just about 25 yrs when my mom divorced my dad, and with me being an adult, it was still difficult for me.
You really should read that book- and then in the meantime, you can always ask your boyfriend what he meant by that. Don't be nagging about it, but you can ask in a nice way.
good luck!
2007-08-17 04:04:06 · answer #2 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a nice sentiment for him to be sharing with his little daughter. Of course he told his daughter what she wants to hear. Did he actually tell you he still loves his ex?
I really think you are being a little silly here. He is not with her anymore. There is a reason for that, He said it all in that statement to his little girl. He cant live with her. Some people are just not meant to be together!
I dont think you need to be concerned about him and his ex. He is just doing what any good father would do. And he is handling the situation with honesty and compassion. His daughter will grow up well balanced and happy if this is what both her parents are tellling her.
HOWEVER I am concerned that he would be ready to jump into marriage with someone he only met 3 months ago. After one failed marriage, most men are not ready to leap in and talk marriage after 3 months with someone else. I would be wanting to find out the reason for his split with wife.
Of course it is natural and human nature for you to wonder and feel a little jealous of his ex wife....they do have a history together and a rather special one as they had a child together. Make sure you can come to terms with that before marrying this guy because if you marry him, the rest of your life you are going to be dealing with his daughter and his ex. They are both going to be a part of your life with this man.
Good luck.
2007-08-16 16:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he had to put it in those words when he explained to his daughter why he and her Mom weren't together. Could he really tell his daughter that he hates her Mother or never loved her? Think about it. She wouldn't understand, as divorce is tramatic for any child. Don't take it so personally, as I feel your boyfriend is a caring father and does not want to say to his child that he doesn't love her Mommy...it is hard to understand when you are a 7 year old. You blame yourself that it is something that you did, so try to be understanding.
His ex is going on with her life so you really shouldn't be threatened or jealous. Accept it graciously and as long as you don't see any difference in how he treats you or any behavior changes, then it is fine.
2007-08-17 23:29:32 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunetly, there will always be a bond between your boyfriend and his ex : His daughter
So I would feel jealous that he tells his daughter that.
In fact, I'd say he's doing the right thing.
How do you think his daughter would feel if he tells her,
"No, honey, I don't love your mom. As a matter of fact, I absolutely hate her guts"
So be proud you have an understanding Boyfriend, that not only cares about his daughter's feelings, but you as well.
2007-08-16 15:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all. You have been dating for three months a person who has some other issues with commitment. I don't want to sound rude but you might want to lower your expectations a bit, just in case...
Secondly, that is a very considerate way to tell his daughter that they are not together, not because of her or because they hate each other, but because they don't see eye to eye.
I have heard from many people that you will always love the mother of your child- but it is a different love than what he may feel for you, a person he is physically with and dating. There are many types of love, so I don't think that what he is saying is that he is "in love".
2007-08-16 14:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal P 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you've only been dating for three months and since there's a kid involved you need to move slowly and get to know him a bit more before you start talking about love.
This is where your jealously is coming from. It seems like you haven't really met or have gotten to know his daughter's mother, nor have you seen your boyfriend interact with her. This woman will always be in your boyfriend's life because they have a kid together, whether she's dating or not. You have to decide if you want a relationship with his family (daughter and mother) or move on and find someone without kids.
2007-08-16 14:41:02 · answer #7 · answered by Peace 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He told his child the truth. obviously he loved this woman at one point in time and they have a child together. loving someone and being in love with someone is two entirely different things. Hes always going to have some kind of love for her because she birthed his beautiful daughter. Don't be jealous be glad that you have a man who loves and respects his child's mother.
2007-08-16 15:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by ebeezy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not feel jealous. You need to understand that you can love someone but not be "in love" with someone. Since they have a child together they will always be connected. It sounds like they may have a good relationship for the sake of their daughter. You should encourage that rather than discourage it, it will strengthen your relationship if he knows you support him and trust him.
2007-08-16 14:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by Reba 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, of course he loves her! Why in the world would you think he wouldn't? She's the mom of his child! Good for him that he talks to his daughter and explains to her - it's hard enough for him that he's not with her full time.
I'm more concerned that you say you 'love each other deeply' after just three months - there is something very wrong there! I think also you are maybe not mature enough to realize what you would be getting into with a man who has a child, and all the ramifications of dealing with the situation with the mom and all.
2007-08-16 15:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋