How do I get my 9 year old son do do his share of the housework?

Question

I am so frustrated. My son does not do much of anything without me having to finally yell! Continually I get an arguement when I ask him to take care of his responsibilities. I am at the point of burnout because I do it ALL and in return I am taken for granted. Help! I don't feel like giving anymore! But most of the time I have to do it anyway because I cannot stand living in a filthy house. Although I don't tell him this, the resentment is growing every day! I hate to feel this way toward my son but even more than that I am fed up with feeling used and being forced to give and do for someone who isn't thankful and doesn't show appreciation for it.

Answer 1

Welcome to motherhood. The little ones sure can be ingrates, can't they? I know how you feel. Even with a few "good" kids there's always at least one that's got to be the fly in the ointment ( I have 5 sons & 4 step-kids). Currently I have 3 school age kids at home. The girl,11, will offer to do alot of things, pick up the kitchen, make me coffee, water the plants, but her room is forever a pigsty and she hates doing any real work ie., cleaning the bathroom the RIGHT way, vacuuming......my 11 yr old son tries to put off any & all chores until he's screamed at or threatened to be grounded. This kid upsets me the most & puts me in a bad mood. But it's my fault. I'm SUPPOSED to be the one in control & I shouldn't let him get away with his shenanigans. The youngest boy is 9 and a complete dream when it comes to chores. You ask him to do something & he just says o.k. and does it.
The best thing you can do is to DEMAND he do it or he's in his room, no t.v., friends or whatever his likes are & stick to it. After a week or so of fighting and bad atittudes things should start to get into a habit & more settled. Tell him from the get go what you expect on a daily basis. My kids know that THEY HAVE TO clean the kitchen after dinner. They HAVE to make beds every morning or they're not leaving the house. Extra chores in the afternoon-vacuum, dust, take garbage out, clean patio doors.....I let my kids know that it's not fair for one person to do everything and that everybody has to WORK-not just grown-ups. The finest people I know were not raised as slackers and just about everyone I know doesn't like a slacker either...everyone should pull their weight....hope this helps....

Answer 2

If our house had a motto, it'd be this:

Bad behavior is NEVER rewarded.

If he doesn't do his chores, then life should not be peachy for him. He might fight/whine/whatever at first, but it's a lot better than letting this go on.

What I've done is this: On our fridge, we have 2 columns with an "X" and "Checkmark". We have 6 different colored magnets. Each magnet is something the kids have to do that day . Chores/hygeine, etc. Every morning, they start with all magnets in the "X" and when it's done, it's changed to the "checkmark". I can see at a glance. You can base allowance or rewards on how many they have done at the end of the day.

One magnet is a "secret positive" - each morning I think of something I'd like to see in my children (if they say please/thank you to their siblings, etc). If I see a child do that action, they get to move their magnet. It doesn't happen often (LOL).

There's also a chart you can use for behaviors/chores/allowance. EVery thing you expect has a point value. You get points, you lose points and at the end of the week, it tallies how much allowance the kid gets based on the points (each point is equal to a certain amount of money - that you decide). The "chart" is the bad guy - not you. www.easychild.com

You can integrate both the fridge and program - it does work.

During a calm talk, tell him that if people don't work, people don't get paid, they don't get rewards. And that life would be a LOT better without the yelling/nagging, wouldn't it?

Make some decisions together. Let him help with the chart/decisions. And then hold him to it even if you are dog-tired and don't really care that day. Because the next day you're going care and wonder why the kid isn't doing the right thing. (THat's how I fail).

Good luck, take care!

Answer 3

I don't know, if you figure it out let me know! I could suggest telling him that he's an important part of the family and he must do his part. I try that with my boy and it doesn't really work all the time, but sometimes it does. I noticed that when my son sits down and makes a list of what he must get down he does it. So maybe making a list for your son would help. We have a chore board with stickers but I can tell you I have a whole pack of stickers that aren't going to make it on the board. If he earns so many stickers he gets an award of some small sort. I think with me, I spoil him too much. He's the baby of four kids and he's been spoiled. It's really my fault but I've been working to change that. I'm not saying that is the problem with you. I'm saying that's MY problem. LOL I know how you feel with the constant arguing! Since my boy turned nine he's been so touchy. It's really starting to strain our otherwise close relationship. Good luck to you, I just don't have any fool proof ideas.

Answer 4

Make a list of chores that he's expected to do each day. Don't start him out with too many.
For my kids at that age, it was keep their room clean, take out trash, set the table, wash the pots, vaccuum the bathroom floor with a little stick vac, pick up after themselves, put their clothes away.
Then tell him he can only play videogames/watch TV if his chores are done. Stick with it. My son is now 13 and nothing gets him moving faster then confiscating his video games, or computer power cord.

Answer 5

well, kids can do that. first, make sure he can take care of himself first meaning make sure he knows and does all the hygenical stuff like combing his hair. if he can't teach him. he has to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of chores. then tell him how you feel and ask him why he doesn't do some chores. if he says "it's your job" tell him "now's some of them are yours." teach him how to do chores one at a time and keep his chore list short. chores i reccomend for him are washing the clothes (thaat was the first chore i had to do and i recommend it for the punishment i typed about below.) and the chores that you don't seem to mind doing. like for example, you think sweeping the kitchen isn't a big deal and you could do it without complaining anyday. that should be a good chore for kids to do. at a last resort don't wash his clothes (but keep a pair or two) . when he needs some clean clothes and find out that he has none he'll start whining. then say "well you didn't listen to me when i told you to wash your clothes". tell him how embarrassing it would be to go out with no clothes on. make him promise he'll do his share of chores. at the last minute give him the ones you were hiding. i know it sounds harsh but overall it really isn't. oh, and after he promises make sure he keeps it. you're the mom and so therefore the boss. don't let him slip from his promise!

Answer 6

Is dad in the picture? Sit your son down and have a serious talk wth him. Tell him he has to decide how he is going to help around the house. Period. No telling or punishment.

Answer 7

well, when he ask u for something he likes, dont just buy it for him, make him work for it, so u can only get those stuff if he works, it will get to his mind as soon it becomes a habit. theres love & discipline, buying stuffs he likes and some discipline to go along

Answer 8

Simple. If he wont do his chores..take a way privileges. No play dates, no computer etc.

Answer 9

Have you tried using guilt? That always seemed to work when I was that age.