Is it right to tell daughter-in-law how to correct her child?

Question

I have a new daughter-in-law that has a small child, that is a total brat, not 2 yrs old yet, is it proper for my family to try and tell her how to correct her child or not?

Answer 1

NO. it is not your child. she will raise it how she will want. 2 yr old are brats. that is just how little kids are. if someone told me how to correct my child i would tell them to gor FREAK themselves. mabye you should speak with your son in private and say something but it's really non of your business at all. my mother in law ( or soon to be) is crazy and if she ever did that i would knock her azz out

Answer 2

That is a very fine line. If you're telling her what she's doing wrong, then no. Example, if the child thows a fit and she decides to ignore the child, whereas you would spank the child, it's a hard no. It's her child and she decided a long time ago the type of parent she wants to be.

If it's more of a manners issue, she will let the child run through the house, whereas you would not, that's different and you can tell your daughter-in-law politely that in your house, the rules are no running.

Answer 3

Well it would seem you have all the answers you need, but...I have two cents...
I think that you could start a war if you 'tell' her how to 'correct' her child. I also think that there is an appropriate way to address the situation.
If you are all spending time together, and you see her struggling with her child, you might say something like "Can I offer a bit of motherly advice?" If you don't like that approach, observe how she deals with her child, and then bring it up later. "You know I saw ... I was wondering if you get overwhelmed when it happens." The conversation can flow from there.
All else fails, be gentle and approach your son about the behavior. Tell him you aren't sure how to address his wife about this, but you would really like to share information if she is willing to hear it.
It is always better to be delicate about your words when it comes to behavior and children ~ especially when the kids aren't your own. But I believe that with a little etiquette and good timing you can share your opinions and beliefs.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

OMG no - its really not your place at all you had your children and raised them, now unless someone asks for your help then mind your own - shes the mom not you. Plus if your calling the not even 2yrold a brat you obviously dont have the childs best in mind in the first place you are just annoyed. Almost 2 yearolds are into testing limits and finding boundaries and its typical for them to act out a bit so that they can learn - its her job to decide what to teach not yours. Thank God my MIL isnt so rude to assume she knows better then me for my own child. If anyone a "BRAT" its you not the 2 yrold. How Rude!

Answer 5

u shouldnt tell her how to raise her child u can try giving advice nicely but as to telling her flat out and not in a kind manner then no its not right
my monster in law tried to tell me how to raise my child and lets just say she never visits anymore and all of her advice was wrong cuz my baby turned out to not be a brat just had autism so think b4 u speak cuz u said the baby isnt even 2 yet maybe there is more to the story than u know

Answer 6

Hi,
I know you have really good intentions, but it sounds like you are just beginning to get an established mother/daughter-in-law relationship going. It is not the same as if you were giving advice to your own daughter. For some reason, especially when I was a new wife, I felt like ever offer of advice from my mother-in-law was a direct attack on my mothering and "wifely" abilities. Which, ahem, sometimes it was. Now, 12 years later, she can pretty much say whatever she wants to me because I realize it comes from a place of love, the same way I would want to correct my daughters if they were messing up. What I would suggest is getting your daughter-in-law a few wonderful parenting books and giving them to her with a nice card. Say something like, "I am so proud of what an awesome mother you are, and I just wanted to give you a few books to supplement your parenting library. Keep up the good work!" Then, you can ask her periodically if she has read certain things and sort of interject ideas from the book like, "Wow, isn't it interesting what Lisa Whlelchel thinks about how to deal with tantrums?" (By the way, Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel is a good parenting book that has a great chapter about toddlers!). Good luck, just remember to approach things from a position of love and not judgment, and you should be okay!!

Answer 7

Put yourself in her place. Would YOU like your inlaws criticizing you? Instead, be helpful.

"Carla, I noticed that your daughter is doing this, this and this and it's causing some problems. I know when I was a new mother, I didn't really want to have advice and wanted to figure it out for myself. I'm here if you need some, OK? Is there anything I can do to help?

Instead of criticizing, you are identifying that there is a problem and leaving it up to her to do something or not or to ask you for advice. Some people have a much more laid back attitude about young tots than others and she may not even see it as a problem or it may actually be your problem and not hers.

Answer 8

Not unless she asks for your opinion. A child that isn't two years old yet it not a brat. It is a baby. Have some patience.

Answer 9

I'm gonna go with no on this one. As a mother of a young child, it irritates the crap out of me when my mil tries to tell me how to be a mother. It will only lead to problems with your daughter in law. I promise! Maybe you can just lead by example when you are with the child, instead of outwardly "correcting" her. I guarantee that she is going to be abrasive towards you if you do!

Answer 10

No, it's not your place to tell your new daughter-in-law how to raise her child. But, you can set boundaries and rules for your home, when they come to visit you. Let them know as soon as that child enters the door and tell them that you will stand for nothing less. Perhpas, she will get the hint. You could give pointers to your son, but, know your limits as a step-grandparent.