PLEASE help i need some really good advice??!?

Question

Okay so my boyfriend thinks i'm a virgin because thats what i told him...but the truth is that a couple of years ago i got forced to have sex/raped and i hadn't told him about that. I dont tell anyone, its not something i like sharing. I was obviously going to tell him but i wanted the time to be right...I have no idea where from but he confronted me that he knew that i was lying about being a virgin. So i just told him the truth (this was through texting)...He FLIPPED out, hes not even replying to any of my other texts right now or answering his phone.
this is what i said: "i wanted to tell you when the time was right.."
and he said: "When was the time right? Right after i fell in love with you. and why would you lie to me :(. *****..omfg. Later."


Please give em advice on what i should do ? :[

me* sorry for the bad grammer.

He just texted me saying "Ugh. I dont know how to feel right now."

and btw thanks for the answers you guys, really helping...

and i have gotten checked for stds
this whole "rape" thing happend 4 years ago.

Answer 1

just tell him that u didnt say anything cause its not something u want to talk about.tell him u wanted to kno if u guys were gonna work out before u said anything.i have been there before.i was raped when i was 14,i didnt wanna have sex and i was raped by my so called best friend.my boyfriend now knows that i was just cause i didnt wanna keep anything from him,and i didnt tell him for awhile.just tell him that you didnt want him to think anything bad of you and u didnt want him feeling sry 4 u. good luck and hope it all works out for ya

Answer 2

He should not be treating you like that. I was in a very similar situation and I told my first boyfriend that I was a virgin because it didn't feel right to say otherwise. Now that I'm older I would have defiantly discussed this over with my boyfriend first, but I realize at that age we didn't have a comfortable or mature enough relationship.

I think you should call him and try to talk to him. Tell him how horrible it was for you, if he really cares for you he'll calm down and realize that you weren't lying for some stupid reason. If he doesn't start being decent give him some time. Don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong.

Those are my two cents.

Answer 3

Look, for all intents and purposes you ARE a virgin. Having your hymen forcibly pierced by a penis does not mean you've lost your virginity. It just means that you were the victim of a violent crime.

Does your boyfriend understand what happened to you? Has he been told that you were raped, or has he just been told that you "weren't a virgin any more"?

You need to make it clear to him that you were not a willing participant in the rape. Does he have a sister, mother, or someone else who can intercede for you?

If he does not listen to someone interceding on your behalf, then it's time you let him go. He's clearly putting more emphasis on whether your hymen is intact than what you are feeling and who you are as a person.

Answer 4

This guy didnt love you.. if he did he would have reacted differently.. you went through a terrible ordeal that no girl should ever have to endure. You didnt have to tell him until you felt absolutly right about it.. this is a serious problem and has probably got some lasting intimate issues that may surface when you two ever get together.

I must say that the texting was a real bad idea when you decided to tell him..

Let him go and move on..

Answer 5

So ur saying tht you told him tht u were raped? If so, u need 2 give him sum time 4 it 2 register in his head, he probably upset tht u didn't trust him enough 2 tell him. Send him a message through text or on his voicemail telling him tht ur sorry u didn't tell him but it's hard 4 u 2 talk about it & tht wanted 2 tell but scared of his reaction. If he continues 2 act like tht after u tell him & some time 2 himself, mayb it's best tht you guys go ur separate ways...good luck sweetheart

Answer 6

sorry that you had to go through that...but i do think he is over reacting tho...if he cares for you he should know that that is someting you just don't go around telling everyone....and if he really cares for you that wouldn't matter. is that the only reason he was going out with you cause he thought you were a virgin.....well you can consider your self still a virgin with out the hymen that's all it is is a peace of skin....i bet your just as fresh down there as you ever was and still small and tight if you have done nothing since that time..well send me an email and we can chat more about this if you like.

Answer 7

There are some things you should say in person! Why would you send that kind of thing in a text message? I know it has to be a tough thing for you to talk about, but you need to think about stuff like that. What did you expect him to do? This is why things like this should be done carefully, one on one. You're just going to have to give this guy some time, and see if he comes around. You've got to play the waiting game.

Answer 8

DUMP HIM NOW! NEVER LOOK BACK!

you are a virgin.

rape doesnt count.

you do not ever have to tell anybody about this.

while i think you should tell a guy as soon as your sexual experience comes up, you do not have to. it will help get rid of the losers like this guy .

i would be more honored to know you trusted me enough to be your first one that you gave it to then i would be with a virgin who had never been raped.

find a man who knows what you need. a man who knows you are a virgin, and needs to be loved .

oh,and hire a bunch of gay guys to rape him, see how he likes it.

Answer 9

so... you DO know that you could have exposed him to STDs right? That thought is going through his mind right now.

He also now believes that if you lied to him about this that what else have you lied about. In short.. he can no longer trust you.

However.. all that said. You have no obligation to share anything you don't want to.. and who wants to share a previous rape experiance? What IS important is that you get checked for STDs and then go from there.

I would write this guy off - he doesn't want to work this out.

Answer 10

i have bad grammer and spelling so pls dont worry,

If your boyfriend axroly just mad at u becouse u didnt tell him ur secrit of beeing raped it isnt right for him to be mad at u for its ur past also and also u might not feel confinit about it and ur probly trying to for get about it. So just keep trying to talk to him or message him try to go see him and tell him the truth and tell him a reson why u didnt tell him such as u didnt feel right about getting "raped" so u didnt want to tell anyone. but if hes mad at u for something lil like this he shouldnt mabe be the mad for u? but relationships are full of bumps so mabe u can go over this one. up to u