I have/had a crush on a guy at work. The thing is we used be close friends and I started liking him as more than a friend. I got the since that he liked me too since he always flirted with me and cracked jokes, etc. But, he has a gf in the Phillipines whom he is engaged to since I helped him get the ring for her. He only gets to go back there once every 2 years and I think we started experiencing sexual tension since we had a convo about doing it. I called him a dog since I thought he was comin on to me but then he denied he was serious bout it and said he was kidding. I apologized to him but then he started ignoring me. He said I should focus on someone else and it's best that we no longer be friends since I was too weird. I emailed him saying that we were both wrong for talking about sex, he blamed me for being weird. i got mad and told him not to b my friend, just a coworker. he told me not to email him/talk 2 him unless work relatd. i think he is a jerk but still am attractd 2 him.
2007-08-16 05:11:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just be honest with him and tell him how you feel, face to face, it's the only way to know for sure how he feels about you?
2007-08-16 05:16:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Admit it, you acted a bit childish about this whole thing. Here's how:
1. First, you made the mistake of forming an impossible crush on (a) a guy you WORK with (b) that has a fiancee and (c) never gave you any indication that he wanted to "cheat" on her with you. Flirting is fine; we all do it, attached or not. But you clearly knew where the line was drawn and he never gave you any definitive reason or inclination to cross it. For you to "assume" there was more to it was your initial mistake.
2. Sexual tension is fine. It's even fine and very mature to discuss it when it's present, esp. in a situation as precarious as a "work-related" one. You actually went as far as to imply that he was a "dog" even though you're just as guilty for creating and sustaining the tension between you. You should have kept the conversation to what it was--lightly teasing, yet seriously discussing a potential "work-related" issue that could affect your and his work performance (and jobs, if you want to get right down to it).
3. When he indicated you should "focus on someone else", it was a polite and face-saving (for you) effort to let you know that he did not intend to act on any sexual tension, imagined or not. The fact that is you were being wishy-washy. I mean, you discuss a serious subject, but then call him a "dog" for discussing it with you. Yeah, I can't say I blame him for wanting to terminate any office friendship because your behavior is not weird, it's potentially conflict-creating. Esp. on the JOB. I mean, he obviously has HIS priorities straight--girlfriend, job.
4. You actually had the gall to imply he was partially to blame for talking about sex--IN AN OFFICE EMAIL. What kind of a freak are you? Have you ever worked in an office before? The more you reveal, the more unstable you sound in that you're almost "obssessed" with the issue. He's already told you that he's "not interested" and expressed a desire to remain "co-workers". What more is there to say? Your email was untimely and inappropriate.
5. And finally, you push him to a very uncomfortable decision by actually getting mad and telling HIM not to be your friend. Hell-O? Didn't he already indicate that he'd rather be a co-worker to you BEFORE this proclamation of yours? You sound more and more obssessive, and yeah, a little like an immature person who doesn't know how to process a very adult-ly handled rejection. I don't know how much more plain he can be. His decision to cut ALL communication with you was your fault and your fault alone. You got it twisted, sistah. You're the jerk in this situation.
6. Let the attraction go. It's clearly over. And if you approach him further, you run the risk of a sexual harrassment suit being filed against you (I'm not so sure he couldn't already file one) or worse. Learn your lesson and move on. Office friendships are fine; and even a fair amount of flirting will happen, if tasteful and both parties are familiar enough with one another to respect the boundaries and clearly know it's just flirting. However, office is for work. Not for this petty drama you're cooking up. Leave the guy alone or proceed with risk to your own reputation, personal and professional.
2007-08-16 05:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by dangerouspoet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be friends work wise. Sure you kinda got mad...but I mean if you thought he was coming on...so u didn't really do anything wrong. Just when you do go to work leave ur problems behind and don't bring them to wherever you work. He will eventually get over it, and you are right you both were wrong for talking about sex. Hope I could help...I don't think I did though...
2007-08-16 05:16:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way, don even think that he loved/liked you..
May be he had no1 and u were the only one he cd think of, and there u go!
unless u were frnz it was fine..but don get involved with a guy who iz engaged 1stly..and who dsnt loves u and wants u or else that ring was in ur hand.. if not that ..at least a ring.. the best thing is THANK GOD u don have to cry any curse ur friendship with him..jus cherish the relation of frnship that u n him had..n jus move on.. u must have learnt sumthing, which wd help u get ur Mr perfect!.. Al d best!
2007-08-16 05:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by JOJO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him. He is engaged. Never flirt with an engaged person. That is not good. I think he has feelings for you but doesnt want to go forth becuase he loves his girlfriend and doesnt want to hurt her. He is doing the right thing in the TOTAL wrong way though.
2007-08-16 05:18:40 · answer #5 · answered by jstrachel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't dip your pen in the company ink. I think he likes you too but he does have said fiancee in the Philippines. So he feels guilty for liking you both. he's fishing... feeling you out to see if he can get with you since you are here... and she's soooo many miles away. If he was serious though he would drop the GF to get with you.
2007-08-16 05:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by umannjo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes actually doing the right thing. If hes going to get married, then he needs to stay away from any situation that could temp him to cheat.
Its better for you too, because you shouldn't be going after a guy thats getting married anyway. It could only end bad for everyone involved.
2007-08-16 05:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by JohnB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your friend at work correct you helped him get a ring for his finance right. whee are your morals at lost. Forget about this guy he is spoken for and if he gets with you its only because he is lonely. He does not want to be bother with you as friend anymore he is trying to fight temptation just leave him alone as he has ask before your feeling get hurt. Do what makes you happy.
2007-08-16 05:17:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is obviously in love with someone else. Let him go and focus on yourself. When the time is right you will meet someone perfect for you. Until then take care of yourself and dont worry about this guy.
2007-08-16 05:17:09 · answer #9 · answered by jjmoose2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes he's a jerk. he is trying to turn this on you because you called him on being a dog and he realized that you were a person of morals and weren't going to mess around with him so he is distancing himself from you. let him. you're only not over him because you don't have someone else to focus on. he wan't to not talk then don't talk to him about anything. don't even ask his *** to pass you a pen.
2007-08-16 05:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to cease contact with him unless it is work-related. This is what he asked for, and this is what will help you get over him. If you continue to email/talk to him about things other than work, then he could get you into trouble.
2007-08-16 05:15:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋