I got married two weeks ago, my dad didn't show up to the supper/reception.?

Question

My dad was there at church and then later for pictures. We had our pics taken at a public park. Him and his girlfriend use drugs, but he was clean up to the wedding. I saw him with a handful of pills at the pic location. He didn't say goodbye. Later when I got to the reception he was nowhere to be found. He never did show up. He went to a bar with his girlfriend instead. He feels really bad. I haven't talked to him since. I don't know if I can forgive him. I want to be mad at him, but he is my dad. I can't beleive he didn't show up to what is the most important day of my life. I am so hurt. I was so embarrased at the wedding. We were supposed to have the father/daughter dance and I was there with no father. What should I do, forgive and forget??

Okay, but should I forgive him or what?

Connor H you are a ******* *******. If you had something like this happen to you, you wouldn't be so quick to make fun. Go Fucck yourself.

Answer 1

Tell him that there will be no forgiveness until he cleans up his drug act and leaves the druggie gf for good. And that means that if he doesn't, then he will NEVER see you or his future grandchildren again. He is a grown man and chose to act like an *******. Also tell him that he can never make up for the missed dance that is so very important to a woman on her wedding.

Answer 2

Looking at the big picture, it is probably a blessing that he didn't go to the reception. I know your hurt and disapointed, but what if he and his girlfriend had showed up stoned and caused a scene. At least he was at the ceremony.

Addiction is a horrible illness, and most people need to hit rock bottom before they will seek any help. Maybe this will help him seek the help he needs to get clean. I agree that you should let him know that you can't forgive him until he gets clean. Offer to help him anyway you can but he needs to kick the habit. Unfotunatly you can't make someone get help until they really want it, so it may be a waiting game.

Eventually you will be able to forgive him. Forgiving him does not make what he did OK and you do not need to forget it either, but if you forgive him you will feel better!

I hope it works out!

Answer 3

Your father is ill. Addiction is a terrible thing to suffer from and everyone around the addict suffers, too.

Forgive and forget isn't going to do any good, but neither is holding on to the hurt. That's the sad and ironic thing about addiction. There's very little constructive you can do until he realizes how much his addiction is hurting him and decides to do something about it.

One thing you can do is confront him about this, but in as gentle and loving a manner as you can muster. Hold an intervention. Gather up others who have suffered because of his illness and tell him what it has done to you all. Keep anger in check as much as possible, and stick to 'I' statements such as: 'when I didn't get to do the father/daughter dance at my wedding, I was terribly hurt. I felt embarrassed in front of my guests.' Putting it like that may allow him to really hear you in a way that saying: 'you *******, your pills were more important to you than me' wouldn't.

If he listens and decides he needs help, have information about a good rehab program on hand and give him a cell phone right then to make the call. If he gets to leave the room without making firm arrangements, chances are he won't do it. If at all possible, have someone there who can take him right away.

If he doesn't listen and refuses to get help, you cannot stop him. But make sure before he goes that you tell him you love him and will be there for him in any way that does not facilitate his addiction.

Then comes the hard part: you have to make it stick. Don't give him money, because he might spend it on drugs. Don't sympathize with him over drugs. But if he needs help, be there for him.

And if you need help dealing with the emotional fallout of this situation, don't be afraid to seek it. A good counsellor might be able to help you figure out how to cope with your father's illness and his bad decisions.

I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you. It's not fair and it's not right, but remember this is your father's problem and ultimately it's up to him to solve it.

I wish you the very best of luck, and will spare a thought for you and your father.

Answer 4

Forgive is an easy word to say but a hard thing to do. It is okay for you not to be ready to forgive yet. It takes time. Allow yourself some space to be angry over the hurt he caused you but don't close the door on the idea of forgiving him after a while.

As for "forget"... well, that's too much to ask of yourself and not a good idea anyway. You need to know who he is and what you can expect of him to avoid setting yourself up for future hurts and disappointments. He embarassed you on an important day and pretending it didn't happen is just asking for it to happen again.

I am sorry he behaved like that. It must have been awful. I hope the rest of your wonderful day overshadowed that unfortunate moment.

Answer 5

Forgiving is a big action not many people can do in reality.

It is more of acceptance of knowing who he is, what he does and that he didn't give of what you deserved at your wedding.

Talk to him about it and how wrong it was for him to do so.

Moving on from the situation will happen over time. I would be upset too and most likely, I would not be on speaking terms if this was a situation that happened to me.

Drugs take over someone's life. I would recommend him getting into rehab as this is an example he choose drugs/gf over his own daughter and wedding day.

Whether he gets into rehab and stick with it, is up to him. But, you have a marriage now to think of. He is a grown man and he has to think of his own life. Live yours.

My bi logical wasn't present nor was my step dad present at mine. I didn't get to have them walk me down the Isle (my brother did) nor any father daughter dance etc (nor dance/reception period....). So, I know how hurtful it can be.

Answer 6

My heart goes out to you. I cant imagine how you must have felt when it came time for the father daughter dance. Was a big announcement made or were you abel to catch it in time and tell the DJ that you wouldnt be doing it? I hope the latter.

I dont know what to tell you, I feel bad that he came to the pictures because everytime you look at them you will be reminded of what he did(like you could ever forget though right?), its always going to be a sore spot for you. I've never dealt with anything like this, so I dont know of any good advice, but I am sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Keep your chin up.

Answer 7

Of course you have to forgive and you can't go through life living with grudges you know. What he did is not right also and you have to let him understand that as well. You mentioned he does drugs. Tell him he needs to stop if he wants to live to see his grandchildren? He needs help to stop using drugs. Maybe his gf is the cause of it? Find out why he's doing it and get him some help. Don't' forget the 3 F's. Forgive, Forget, Forever.

Answer 8

Your dad was there for the church and the photographs. He will forever be included in your wedding in this way.
Because of his drug problems, he maybe felt he couldn't cope with the added reception, the father daughter dance, and the crowd. This was his way of showing you his limitations.
He was sincere enough to attend and perform the perfunctory fatherly functions. If he has a drug problem, this was enough. He knows you are aware of his drug problem, and felt this was as far as he could safely commit to you and your drug free life. Be happy he cared enough to show up at all. He was straight until the photographs, where he'd preplanned his exit.

Answer 9

I would forgive him. It isn't easy having a parent who doesn't know how to be a parent- and even harder when you- the child- has to be the adult in the relationship. At least he didn't stay and potentially ruin your reception- he saw the most important part- your vows to each other. It will take a long time to be at peace with your relationship- but drugs are his number one unfortunately.

Hang in there

Answer 10

Don't carry the hate,it will eat you up. Forgive but don't forget. He may have known he was too high to come and didn't want to embarrass you or he may have been just selfish. Let him know just how much it hurt. Congrats on your wedding may you have a long and happy life together.