Do I have the right to stand up to my parents on this subject? Can anyone help me?

Question

I am a 25 year old college graduate working a full time job. I only recently moved out of my parents house at the beginning of this year. My boyfriend has enrolled for grad school and will be living at his parents house and commuting to school and working and he has asked me to come with him. He lives 3 hours away from where I live and I am all for this move. I think I am ready for this move and I think I have a better chance of getting a great job near where he lives. There are better opportunities there. Since we will be living with his family we will have a chance to save money so that we can plan for our wedding. My parents are completely against this. My dad's argument is that I am making God angry because I will be living under the same roof as my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have made a committment to wait for sex until marriage. My mom just plain doesn't want me to move and while I understand that I think it would definitely help me grow. Please help! I need advice.

Answer 1

You have answered your own question in your first sentence, when you were explaining the details to your initial question.

Your are twenty-five years old, you are an adult and have every right to make adult decisions for yourself. It is time for you to spread your wings in the world and use the good upbringing that your parents gave you to it's full advantage.

Since you are obviously mature enough to not believe in sex before marriage, your parents should be encouraging you to become the person that you are meant to be.

Three hours away is a good distance for your first move away from home. It is close enough for a visit or two for holidays and special occasions and far enough away that you and your boyfriend can truly lead independent lives.

You could be making the decision to move entire continents away, your parents should be thankful that you are going to be as close in proximity that you are.

You may be choosing to live in a way that is not conventional to your parents, but God has much bigger concerns for the world than couples who live together. If you were sixteen and doing the same and having sex with your boyfriend that would be more cause for concern.

I was married younger than you are now, was truly blessed to find a wonderful man who had two great children as I could not have children of my own and even though they are grown up with families of their own now, their Dad and I still choke up when they leave to go back to their homes after a visit.

That is part of being a parent, it never changes, you just learn to accept the fact that you have done the best you can, by the Grace of God, to raise your child/children to become happy, healthy and productive adults.

Your life as an adult could well have started six or seven years ago, your parents should be thankful that you have stayed close to them for this length of time.

I wish you the best, you sound like a mature and responsible young lady with a respectful boyfriend who will treat you well in life. Go out and spread those wings and live. God bless you and your family.

Answer 2

I am no expert on things like this but it sounds like your parents are trying to keep you from growing into an adult. I think you have every right to stand up to them. Your 25 years old, that's an adult. You can tell them that just because you live under the same roof as someone that doesn't mean your sleeping together and besides its not there place to judge you. I'm very lucky, I have very understanding parents who just want me to be happy. If they thought me moving 3 hours away would make me happy they would help me moved and come visit every other weekend or something.
You are just starting your life as an adult. You need to be out on your own a bit. You went to college for however many years, so you deserve to have the best job you can get. You need to have a serious talk with you parents. Tell them how you feel. Don't yell and scream at them, talk calmly so they will see that you are an adult that can hold an adult conversation. Good luck and I hope I helped you.

Answer 3

Here's a few facts to munch on....

1. Moving in with your boyfriend is almost certainly going to put you in temptation to have sex. While your proclamation of "no sex till marraige" is noble, it is completely impractical. Virtually impossible, not matter how many emotional promises from you or him. You'll end up in bed.

2. Making God angry. Sounds like you have a religious home and background. If God is a part of your life, then the situation you are putting yourself in will definately spar a lifestyle not pleasing to God. This answer is dependent on your belief system, not your parents. You're a big girl, now.

3. Opportunities are not jobs. Neither are they guarantees. You "have" a job. It almost sounds like you are trying your best to justify the pull of doing this, finding any reason to.

4. This will help you to grow. But so will not causing a rift with your parents help you to grow. Standing under a water fountain will help you to grow. Growing is not an issue. You'll be growing no matter what you do or where you go. Helping you to "venture out in the wild" is more of what you are meaning.

5. Be careful not to put undo heartache on you, your boyfriend, and your parents.

6. 3 hours is really not a long ways away, IF your boyfriend is that serious with you. Let him commute for a while. You will not be commuting to see your parents if you make the move. Accept that. Don't use that as a bargaining chip.

7. It seems that both of you are determined to go through schooling for him. I have seen and heard enough broken lives and heartaches to know that it may start out like a fresh, new life with a promising future. But without a foundation of something solid, it will crumble into hurt and heartache.

Some things to consider. =)


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Answer 4

There are some more details you need to give. Are you hispanic? That kind of thing will never happen in any Hispanic household. My brother and sister are half Mexican and I know for a fact that my step-moms side of the family would disapprove any move out of the house before marriage.
Are your parents conservative Christians or Catholic? That would make the move impossible to get a yes answer to. If not, the move is probably doable and the parents will come around later on. If either of the two prior things apply, then you are going to have to choose whether its worth it or not. You will surely have to butt heads with your parents for a long time. In the end though, you are an adult, and need to make you own mind up.
Perhaps you should try to rent a room in the area instead. The boyfriend in the same house, regardless of whether you intend to remain chaste or not, will never sell well with you parents.

Answer 5

You absolutely sound mature and sensible enough to move in with your boyfriend and his family, your parents should be proud of how sensible you are being! :)

I can see that your father would disagree, often parents are so much more traditional in their values and I am sure he'd rather have you move into a home once you are married, but unfortunately that is not always the best option these days.

You are right - you could find a better job and save money too for a house deposit while living with your boyfriend's family? That makes perfect sense!

Are you completely sure though that you want to live with your boyfriend, that you feel happy with him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you are that serious, then I would think about putting your own happiness first. Of course you need to respect your parent's opinion but they don't always know best and it's clear that they love you and would rather have you at home. But, at 25, this is your life to lead now....

Do what you can to explain to them that you are taking their opinion seriously but that you really do think this is best for you. Highlight your promise that you are waiting until you are married before sleeping together, and reassure them that you will visit them a lot etc etc, all the things they want to hear....

To be honest, I think most parents would love to have a daughter as sensible as you! :-)

Answer 6

Ok it sounds like a good move with regards to your job seeking and saving for your wedding but I must inform you that living with your in-laws to be isn't always life in paradise, so you need to be sure that you are ready to make this move. Which is why it is important for you to have a good standing with your parents if you do decide to leave because if this doesn't work out then you may need their support. My mom holds the same view as your dad even though I have a child with my fiance (we still can't sleep together in her house, we can at his mom's house or in an apartment we rent but not at her house). I have tried to understand this about her but she holds firmly to this so I don't think there is much you can do to change his POV. In the end the decision is still yours and you and your bf needs to handle this together, maybe all of you and his parents should have a talk, but make sure you get the consent of the majority of people concerned (if not all) before you make your move. K?

Answer 7

You have every right to stand up to your parents on this! Not only are you a legal adult, but this is your own life. You seem like a very decent and sensible person committed to developing as a person and learning more, even after college. I admire your abstinence from sex until marriage. Your parents should have no reason to doubt you. Making God angry is not a fair argument on your dad's part. God let us have free will for a reason. I bet that God won't be mad at all if you move into his house, as long as it is for the right reasons. Plus, it is important to share a house before marriage. You need to see what it is like. Overall, I believe you deserve this and your parents should not try and hamper you. Whatever they say, do what your heart tells you, and only that. You are smart, sensible, and decent all the way through. Trust your decisions, and trust God to understand them. I'm rooting for you!

=]

Answer 8

I think you should do what makes you happy and benefits you the most. Although your parents have their reasons why you shouldnt move you are an adult. Tell them you appreciate their concerns but respectfully you have your life to live that requires you to make decisions for yourself. Your not shacking up and what your doing will allow you guys to save money for a wedding. So God isn't mad. sounds like you have prepared yourself so far for a good future, start enjoying it.
just don't lose sight on what you are setting out to do. After time your parents will see what a responsible daughter they have raised and will be proud of you for that.
Whatever happens make sure you reach your goal cause the i told you so's will start flying.
P.s. maybe their afraid of losing you, so make sure you visit as much as possible and phone daily so they can hear your voice, it might help them with the transition a little better.
Good-luck to you guys!

Answer 9

You are an adult so you can make your own decisions. Maybe you could sit down and talk to your parents that moving would be better for your future since you will have more opportunities. Your parents probably don't want to see you go and grow up. I know my mom has a hard time with me growing up. But this is your decision. If it's something you really want to do then you should go for it. Good luck.

Answer 10

If your dad is looking at the religious aspect of it, then he is also looking at the temptation part. Living under the same roof, regardless of how controlled the environment is, means that the tempation level goes way up. Can you deal with that? You obviously are deeply in love with the guy and want a life with him. Many who live together, no matter what the situation is, fall into the "we're getting married anyway" mode of thinking. I believe that God does care about this subject from an immoral sex standpoint.