How do I get my 4 year old boy to not fight me every morning when getting ready for school?

Question

Every morning it is the same routine. I get up early and get myself ready and then I get my two boys up. My 8 year old gets himself dressed and gets al his stuff ready by himself. I have to go back and wake my 4 year old up several times before I have to drag him out kicking and screaming. It is a fight to dress him. It is a fight to put him in the car. Before you give me any advice let me tell you what I have already tried. I have laid clothes out the night before. I have tried the reward system. I have tried to take away priviledges. I have yelled. I have pleaded. I am at my wits end. I feel because I am always dealing with my younger boy that I have totally put my older son on the back burner every morning. Luckily he always helps himself but I feel as if he is left out. Any help woul be great!

Oh ya by the way..... He goes to pre-school and I am a working mother. Father works as well but has to be to work by 6 so there is no help in the morning. He takes a nap during the day, maybe I should cute that out of the situation.

Answer 1

Never use rewards to make a child do anything. Make your four year old a offical thing that he has to get ready like his lunch, or pick out his own clothes.. I know it sounds crazy but he will feel important that he is doing stuff for him self.. like he is the big man in town. Make a list chart of things to do in the morning and let him check them off while he is doing them: like brushing teeth, eating breakfast, just make it fun.. :) If you have any questions about my answer just email me..

Answer 2

My suggestion is to put the 4 year old to bed earlier. So, if his bed time is 8:00 - have him in bed by like 7:30 or so.

I am wondering if this is a phase he is going through? I have two boys 3 and 4, sometimes it's a nightmare. I found that putting the 4 yr old to bed early is the key. They are growing so much right now and he is probably exhausted!

I also found that easing him into the morning works MUCH better than forcing him. I turn the night light on, I open the door - then a few minutes later I will start a radio, then I will gently start waking him. I usually say his name softly until he stirs, I'll rub his cheeks. I'll also give him the "5 minutes" talk meaning he's got to be up in 5 minutes. I also let him choose his own clothes and make sure the first thing he does is eat. It takes a bit more time but it is less stressful than fighting.

As for your older son, in the evenings - when the 4 year old is going to sleep, you can spend some time with him reinforcing your bond. Good luck!

Answer 3

Then lets look at this at another angle...At the age of four he should be getting 10-11 (if naps) 12-13 if no daytime nap.
Reevaluate the morning routine. Would you like to be woken up be stressed woman struggling to stay on schedule?
Its hard, I live it too.
My solution was to set his clock radio alarm, plays music (that he likes) loudly, (not blaring) 1 hour before he is supposed to awake. I go in there and dress him half sleeping then leave. My other 2 sons and I eat breakfast and get ready for the day. When I am ready to walk out the door, I go up and get him and take him to the car. Yes I assist him sleep walking to the car. During the care ride he wakes up because of the noise and the fresh air and the ride. I grab a breakfast bar for him to nibble on the way since they feed him at the center. I know this may not be the BEST solution but it works for me and my morning are a lot less stressful!

He is just not a morning person. Now that he is 6...I take a cool cloth and wipe his face with it...and often pop him in the shower with me or let him take a bath while I dress. I willsay though that he is growing out of it.

Answer 4

There must be some reason why he is fighting you every morning. It is unusual for a kid that age to not want to go to school (daycare).
Is there something about the school, teachers, classmates that he doesn't like? He may be having some problems that he doesn't know how to deal with so it is easier for him to not want to go.
You say you have to wake him several times. Maybe the answer is that he isn't getting enough sleep. This would explain why he is hard to wake up and he would fight you because he is tired and wants to sleep. A child that age needs about 12 hours of sleep and most still require naps in the afternoon.

Answer 5

You are doing all the right things. How early is he going to bed? I would wear him out at night- and put him to bed earlier than normal and see if that helps. How to wear him out? Take him for a walk and to the park each night. Then home, a snack (no sugar) , bath, story, bed.

I had to the same problem with our 10 year old autistic son- who has a hard time "turning his mind off at night" he says. The above worked because he was worn out from the activity. It was a battle before this to get him to bed at a decent time and up in the morning.

See if this helps. I feel for your 8 year old- and you are doing a good job mom! Take care!

Answer 6

Ok here is what u do since u probably have been fighting with him every morning u need 2 send him a clear warning that u arent playing and don't have time for him to be acting a monkey.Then if he keeps kicking and screaming you need 2 get a leather belt and give him at least 2 good hard hits on his behind. It always works when my mama does it to me. Oh yea and for the waking up tell him two times but on the 3rd pop him on his butt with your hand or a belt or a spoon.That should help.

Answer 7

Make sure that he is going to bed at the same time every night and is kept on a routine after that then possibly try taking and rewarding again. Kids need a schedule. Keep them on the same routine!

Answer 8

its summer time, each night before bed, let him pick out the outfit

and even if it doesn' match who cares

now if he has trouble waking up, then he needs to go to bed earlier.,

never fight with him

take him out to school in his PJS
seriously, he will stop his nonsense when he realizes you mean business.

I have 3 boys

trust me they are all diffrent, this will work
its a battle of wills,

just plan from the morning, he picks out his own clothes, and you praise him,no rewards just praise

when you wake him pul the blanket completely off the bed so its cold, and NO TV

go to the ktchen, and when you think 5 minutes have passed, ask the 8 year old to check on him, just to look and report back to you.

if he is getting ready then let him be
if not then wait 2 mintues calm down and go in again

remind him of your expectation to be ready

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have a snack bar in hand, and take him to school in his pjs

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next day he goes to bed 30 minutes earlier and same routine, he picks out the outfit,

pull off the covers, and say time to get up

5 minutes pass ask the bro to report, and then 2 minutes later you go in to check, he will be awake, but if not then
same routine, increasing his sleep time by 30 minutes

eventually he will get into place

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don't fight it dosen't help,

they think they have a say in the matter when you argue about it.

don't give him the option. just remain happy even if you want to cry.

Answer 9

here is what has worked for me pick out 3 outfit two normal one of two diffrent socks, his fav shorts or pants, and shirt. that night ask him what he wants t wear in the morning. then tell him that everyone is going to play a game in the morning, it is who can get dressed 1st and ready the winner gets his fav snack or lunch and everyone has to argee on it. the 8 year old has to lose u can try that...

Answer 10

Ok let him pick his cloths out every night and make sure his book bag is all ready to go for school.Why Not Try getting him a alarm clock of his choice let him pick it out.set it for 15 minutes early than he needs to get up.