How to address kid's gradeschool teacher?

Question

Our new school year is about to start, and I'm hoping to get this right this year!
How are parents supposed to address kid's teacher in elementary school? In Kindergarten, it was Mr/Ms/Mrs all round, parents & teachers addressed each other formally.

In the last year, the teacher introduced herself to parents as Ms. Smith at back-to-school night. I always addressed her as Ms. Smith,but she used parents first names in emails/in person!
It is not a big deal, I guess. But, I'd like the addressing to be "equal",so I don't feel like a kid in class when helping out in the new room this year, she calling me 'Carol', and me addressing her 'Mrs. Wong'.... In fact, I just dont' want to call my kid's teachers by their first name...

Any social cues to look out for, other than directly asking how do I address you?
If the teacher was on the older side & grandma-ish then I could understand it perhaps, but not when they are about my age!

Answer 1

I've always addressed the teacher as Ms. Smith until they initiated contact using their own first name. As soon as I get an e-mail or voice mail using their first name, I see that as an invitation to be a little less formal. If the teacher was much older than me (which has yet to be the case) I would probably stick to the formality (just how I was raised). I've always ended up calling them by their first name. I think getting on a first name basis is a good idea. Teachers are partners with us in our children's lives. I think it's important that whatever we call them, we quickly establish a friendly relationship with them. It makes the school year easier if you both feel comfortable talking with each other.

Answer 2

I've often wondered this as well. A few of my kids' teachers sign letters home with their first name and no last, so does that say I can call her that???

I've chosen to call them Miss whoever or Mrs Whoever simply because as a teacher I think they deserve the respect that using that implies. Just as when I run into teachers I had as a child, I still call them Mr., Miss or Mrs.

Answer 3

You are right to call her Ms Smith and she is wrong to call you by your first name if you have not invited her to do so. In fact, ANYONE who calls you by your first name without invitation is wrong. This is a pet peeve of mine.

Miss Manners suggests dealing with the problem by putting a confused look on your face and saying 'Oh, I'm sorry, no, Carol is my first name...'

Unfortunately, you cannot resort to introducing yourself as Ms Jones because it is incorrect to use your own honorific.

To who_me below, that is why the teachers are correctly signing thir first and last names, because they know not to use their own honorific. YOU are still to use it, though, when addressing them.

Answer 4

Call her Mrs. So and So. That's what the kids call her, and, as a former teacher, we referred to each other as "Mrs." in front of the other teachers and staff members.

Now that I'm on the other side of it ( a parent who is not teaching) I'm not offended when a teacher refers to me by my first name. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

The teacher introduces herself as Ms Smith, then you shake hands and say somthing like "Hello Ms Smith, I am Johnny's mom, Mrs Right." Then YOU have established what you would like to be called.

Answer 6

Our society is less formal than it was 20 to 30 years ago. As a rule of thumb, if you introduce yourself with a first name that's acceptable to use, so if you wish to be referred to as "Mr Smith" don't introduce yourself as "Joe Smith". Other than that it is acceptable to use your child's teacher's first name in communications that are not observed by the children.

Answer 7

It kind of irritates me when people address me by my first name without permission. You see it more and more, though, at the bank, store clerks, etc.

The reason your child's teacher refers to you by your first name is because she is trying to make a more personal/friend connection with you, and make you feel like you don't have to be so stuffy and formal with her. Generally, teachers will introduce themselves by Mrs. Whatever, because they don't want the children to call them by their first names. If the teacher calls you by your first name, feel free to call her by hers...when out of earshot of children.

Answer 8

The best thing is to introduce yourself as you'd like to be addressed. But since it's too late for that, you can say "Since I don't feel comfortable addressing you by your first name, perhaps you should call me Mrs. Jones." (Use that with your doctor, too.)

(One of the above respondents is mistaken in saying that you can't introduce yourself as "Mrs. Jones". It's true that you shouldn't use a title in a signature, but in Western culture you can use it to refer to yourself verbally.)

Answer 9

Stay with the Ms. Smith.Since she wanted to be addressed that way you can't go wrong.

Answer 10

I'd keep calling her Miss or Mrs unless she correct you or asks you to call her by her first name.