How does one ask forgiveness or make amends with a family that has been abusive or hurtful? What if the abusive family cuts you off (has nothing to do with you) because you reported someone to social services for child abuse? How do you make peace with these events in your life when you have to avoid the people who have hurt you?
2007-08-16 03:25:57 · 8 answers · asked by Jane Doe 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Yom Kippur
Somethings we do are painful, but in the long term healthy - ever had a broken bone set? After you get splinted/cast that part of you is very tender and you will avoid applying pressure to that part of you. Hopefully all will mend and be well. Sometimes though, the wound is just never right again and causes you to remember it for the rest of your life. Either way, you made the right choice by having it treated. You are in-charge of your actions, not the results.
Forgiveness is a tricky thing because is comes in three parts: acknowledging, forgiving ourselves, and being forgiven by the other person(s). Only two of these do you own. And Yom Kippur is all about the them.
In the scenario you lay out you have to ask yourself do I want forgiveness (with the implication being one of I was in the wrong and caused pain to you) or do I really regret being a part of this painful situation? If it is the later whom do you ask forgiveness from? You don't - life is as life is.
Be honest with yourself: acknowledge unvarnished what was and what is, look at where you are and where you want to be, look at the tools and resources you have available to you, and go forward.
Namaste
2007-08-16 04:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by Steve J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can make your own heart right with G-d by forgiving them, even when they do not ask. As we come upon Yom Kippur, you have to examine your own deeds and it doesn't sound like your deeds require forgiveness.
The best you can do with this situation is to offer the forgiveness that your family needs from you, but aren't in a place in their hearts where they are ready to repent of their sin and ask for that forgiveness.
2007-08-18 17:29:34 · answer #2 · answered by Beth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question. On the day before Yom Kippur, I typically atone the deeds I have done to seperate myself from my family and friends. It sounds here as if your family is the one that must ask forgiveness. As far as making peace goes, I am not so sure.
2007-08-16 03:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by stage_poi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I can't think of any titles right now, but there are a lot of great books in the Judaism section of any bookstore or large library that deal with this exact problem. Borders has one of thelarger sections, if you have one in your area. It's certainly difficult to ask for forgiveness, but that IS what we are supposed to do. And not just from people we KNOW we have hurt during the past year, but from EVERYONE. We are supposed to ask them to forgive any thing we may have said or done over the year that may have hurt them. This way we are "covered" whether we have hurt them or not.
Shalom
2007-08-16 04:45:46 · answer #4 · answered by nanny411 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a perfect thing to be thinking about for yom kippur. go to your family, and tell them that you were only looking out for the child. and that you hope they forgive you.
2007-08-16 06:52:26 · answer #5 · answered by lins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How?By forgetting all that they are saying or saidand soming to them with a clean slate.Same on their side and ask them for forgivness.
2007-08-18 16:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make peace (shalom) with yourself, G-D, and your fellow man
a sin against your fellow man (maybe the hardest) requires true feelings of forgiveness and a commitment that your sins will not repeat
sometimes writing a letter will help but it does not necessarily need to be mailed
2007-08-16 03:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very tough question! I think you should ask your Rabbi this.
2007-08-17 07:17:41 · answer #8 · answered by Chaya Ahuvah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋