"Sex does not equate love," "premarital sex leads to misery," etc. . . .?

Question

OK, so yesterday, I asked a series of questions directed toward believers in Christ about sex and premarital sex. I received many very good answers; however, as I'm reviewing them to chose best answers, I've encountered a number of disturbing and contradictory statements.

1) One person said that sex does not equate love. This came after several people had said that giving your body sexually to your husband or wife is the greatest expression of love. While I personally believe that sex does not equate love, I'm curious what the actual Biblical stance is on this. Anyone?

2) Several people said that premarital sex causes nothing but problems and misery. Having had premarital sex . . . . I've had only one moment of misery come from it, and that moment became a defining moment of my life and who I am. So, who has had premarital sex? Are you in misery because of it?

3) Lastly, if sexuality is a gift from God, how could it ever end in misery?

Thanks all. :)

CHRISTINA:

STDs . . . get tested before having sex
Kids out of wedlock . . . . . birth control, adoption, Safe Haven, and abortion

I'm OK for paying for children born out of wedlock. It's not their fault.

Just some things to think about.

no1home2day: "Does this analogy help you to understand how something, which God designed as a blessing, could become a curse instead?"

No, it doesn't because it is a false analogy.

Answer 1

1) Sex is a tricky thing. At time, sex can be just for fun and pleasure. Other times, sex can show that you love the person you are giving yourself as well as for the pleasure you get from it. Hence the reasons for the different names. "f**king" and "making love". So my view on the matter is that it depends on the person you are having sex with. If you love them, then sex is a part of that. Are you just looking to get off with any good looking person? Then its just for pleasure.

2) I've had premarital sex......and still continue to do so. There has been no misery that came from my choice of not waiting for marriage. And I don't particularly think of sex as special, so the line about "you should wait for that special someone" is bunk to me.

Not to be too crude, but a woman's virginity is nothing special. If I'm looking for sex only, if the woman wants to stay a virgin, then I'll go to another woman who doesn't. Simple as that.

3) I suppose if a person thinks sex came from God, then sex could be used in a wrong way......as they see it, gay sex and premarital sex.

But then, in some pagan religions, they saw consensual sex as a way to become closer to God.....if anything, I would think this version is the correct one. Not the one where you withhold from sex for some far too old reasoning of chastity as a good thing.

Here's how I see it, sex is about one of two things, and sometimes both at the same time.

Sex is a bodily function, it can either be for procreation or just simply for enjoyment and pleasure.

Sex, when emotions are included, is another form of showing love for somebody.

If you love somebody at the time, do not feel guilty about wanting to have sex with them. And if you should happen to fall out of love with them, don't regret you having sex with that person. Because at the time you had sex, you did love that person.

So, when you fall in love with another person, repeat the process if you want to have sex.

Consensual sex is nothing to feel guilty about. Religion did a good job of making any sex outside of marriage a guilt trip. I refuse to feel guilty for willfully engaging in a good time.

Answer 2

here we go:
1) I couldn't find a bible verse about premartial sex. I found several about immorral sex and sex with animals and sex with specific people, but none about premarital sex.

2) I have had premaritial sex. Am I in misery now? No. Have I been in the past... well I guess it depends on your defination of misery. I suppose there have been times in my life where I have confused the act of sex with the emotion of love. Granted that was when I was younger. I wanted to be loved, and I equated that with having sex. Now that I am older and wiser I know better. But before the older and wiser part, I did have a few broken hearts. If I didn't have sex with the person, maybe breakups wouldn't have been so bad. I don't know. Now that I am older, I can say this is sex and not love...

3) Our sexuality is a gift from god. But when you are 13, 14, 15 are you smart enough to realize that OR are you just wanting to feel good or just wanting to be loved? I know in my case I was just wanting to have someone tell me they loved me. And it didn't end out to well. I couldn't see that I was having sex and not truly understanding the whole consequences of my actions. But when you are a teenager and in your early 20's who truly understands all the consequences of their actions? I wouldn't say all my sexual encounters ended in misery, but I have had my heart broken.

Love is a great thing and when you are engaged it is wonderful. But if that engagement gets called off the day before the wedding, well it leads to a broken heart. If you would have asked me this question then, I would have said yes I was in misery. Today, I can say it was a lesson learned.

Answer 3

1) I have no clue how to answer that one. I haven't heard of a biblical verse about that.
2) I've had premarital sex. I've never been in misery over it. I have regretted doing something. But I've gotten over that. I'm currently in a very healthy relationship which will likely end in marriage, and I don't think there is anything wrong with having a healthy premarital sex life.
3) Why does God cause little kids to die? That causes misery for the parents and family. God does a lot of things that causes misery, however in most cases things end up better than they were before. I guess that's why some people say 'God works in mysterious ways'

Answer 4

I will attempt to answer these questions as given:
1) The Bible stance is that sex is to be shared between a husband and wife not only for procreation but also to help meld two lives into one. The husband and wife were to be help mates to each other. To know someone in the Biblical sense is to have had intimate sexual relations with them. Sharing such intimacy helps build strong marital relationships. A strong marital relationship leads to better families. Better families build stronger communities. The most sensual book of the Bible is the Song of Solomon.

2) When you make love to someone - and there is a difference between making love and having sex - you open your heart and soul to a person. You allow someone to get so close to you that you have left yourself vulnerable. During a love making session, there is an actual physical exchange between bodies that is paralleled in the emotions as well. When you are in a committed, caring, marital relationship, there is less worry of damage because you know that the other party will still be there for you when its over and you know that your partner has your best interests at heart.
Premarital sex creates problems because sex itself has consequences that in marital relationship would not be considered a problem. Unwanted pregnancy, STD's, and emotional pain from being used and discarded can follow you for the rest of your days and can also cause problems for any future relationship you may have. And yes, I have been there.

3) Sex is a gift from God. Food is also a gift. The problem comes when you abuse the gift or misuse the gift. A hammer can build homes or it can murder someone. It all depends on how you use the gifts you are given. Keep in mind that for something to remain precious, it must be treated in a special way. Gold is precious until you have so much of it that you don't care anymore. Sex can be a beautiful act of love, unless it is used to manipulate people. Whether it becomes a tool of misery all depends on you.

Answer 5

1) The bible says that "The 2 will become 1 flesh" I don't know how closer a person can get with another person than becoming 1 flesh. That intensity should be shared with someone you love to be the best. I think it's apparent why and how sex doesn't = love. If you're thinking on a secular view point it's all physical. If it's confined to a marriage bed, it's physical, mental and spiritual.
2) It CAN result in misery because some people tend to get emotionally involved, even unwittingly, when they have sex with someone. Just the physical closeness brings out emotions, so many many a young girl has been left in misery when all she ended up having was a one night stand, or she got used then left. Same can apply to guys.
3) Sex in a marriage can be amazing.... absolutely amazing. If it's a gift to be utilized in certain conditions( marriage) and when we take it outside of those, that blessing no longer applies.
I'm a Christian but I had many sexual encounters outside of marriage as a younger person.
Best wishes=)

Answer 6

1. Sex is meant to be shared between only a husband and wife because it is true love, and because it bonds them. It helps them love each other, which in turn makes them happy, making a happy family, etc. God told us to be fruitful and multiply, and he also told us how: Marriage. Sex is meant to be special between the two partners only.
2. Premarital sex is never a good decision, but that is not to say that no good can come of it. While it is unlikely, it is possible, as in your case. But we shouldn't have premarital sex because when people have sex, two becomes one. If those people break up, it hurts. Imagine emotionally having your arm torn off. Or any other limb. Depends on the person I think. But sex is meant to be special between a wife and husband. Also the emotional pain of separation after sex is great, which is a reason why the Catholic Church is against divorce.
3. As explained earlier, it is a gift from God, but with greatness comes responsibility. When anything good is used in the wrong way, it can easily end in misery. God gives us many gifts, but what we get out of them depends on the way we use them. It is, as previously stated, made to keep a marriage strong, and when not married, it makes life harder in most cases, unless you're engaged, and if you are, just wait, not worth the sin.
God bless!

Answer 7

1. I can't claim to understand the "Biblical" stance on whether sex equates to love. It seems to me that the authors of the books of the Bible had rather a different notion of the entire business than most people living today. I think the contradiction you're talking about here is a reflection of the ambivalent attitudes of the latter. I'd go as far as to argue that what we call "love" is really just a sublimation of the sex impulse.

2. It's for this reason that people insist sexuality is "sacred" and must therefore be kept within the bounds of matrimony. They're afraid of the power of sex, so they've made it taboo unless preceded by a ceremony which is supposed to "sanctify" it - a ceremony which was originally based on the idea that woman is a chattel.

3. The idea that extramarital sex will end in "misery" is more of the same fear/fascination complex. It's a function of people's sexual neuroses.

"Christians," of course, love the fact that they can point to STDs as if they were some sort of moral judgment against people who so far forget themselves as to satisfy the biological appetite outside of wedlock. They're just resentful of the fact that not everybody in the world is as hung up as they are.

You know, I'm gay, and therefore I can't get married - and "Christians" actually have the nerve to say that this is why any sex I have is "fornication" and therefore a sin! I really can't think of a better textbook illustration of hypocrisy.

Answer 8

Sometimes life is just about how you approach the problem.
If you regard sex as healthy and as the most fun that two people can possibly have together and you leave the lights on and the covers off and you laugh and crack jokes while you're doing it then married or not sex becomes this positive joyful experience.

If on the other hand you regard sex as inherently dirty and sinful and you turn the lights off and draw the covers up then married or not sex will never become the joyful experience that it could be.
What makes sex great or not great is the attitude of the people who are doing it not whether or not they are married .....to each other

Answer 9

1) One person said that sex does not equate love. This came after several people had said that giving your body sexually to your husband or wife is the greatest expression of love. While I personally believe that sex does not equate love, I'm curious what the actual Biblical stance is on this. Anyone?

Expression of love does not mean love, does it? - love is
first, then committment, marriage, then sex to celebrate and
be more intimate - it's the correct order/priority of things

2) Several people said that premarital sex causes nothing but problems and misery. Having had premarital sex . . . . I've had only one moment of misery come from it, and that moment became a defining moment of my life and who I am. So, who has had premarital sex? Are you in misery because of it?
People who are disciplined before marriage will be and
are disciplined in marriage - priority again

3) Lastly, if sexuality is a gift from God, how could it ever end in misery?
Refer back to #1 - it is good in the right context only just
like food or money or anything else good in life!

Answer 10

1. When the Bible typically deals with "love," it is referring to the pure love between believers or family members. Sex indeed is a form of expression of love but ONLY if the individual encorporates it into the love they already have for their spouse.

For instance, I could have sex with my ex-girlfriend whom I dont love and has offended me greatly, but it would only be serving my urges and not serving the purpose of bonding further in love. Also after doing so, it may cause misery because I did so for no good purpose. And what if she gets pregnant? Not only was it for no good purpose but you just made things worse!

Love is best defined by purity. We will have all types of loving relationships- friends, family, like-minded believers, but only a tiny fraction of those relationships involve sex.

2. I had premarital sex with quite a few women before I became a believer. Yes it helped define who I am today but at the same time there is regret because I sacrificed the gift of virginity for no good purpose, risked disease, risked unwanted pregnancy, and set a poor example for my younger brother. How aweful would I have felt if my brother got AIDS trying to mimick the life I had been leading?

Also another problem exists with sex before marriage. Sex helps to form a bond between man and woman that shouldnt exist unless they are married and committed to each other. Havent you ever wondered why people dont break up more civilized? That is what leads to all the hurt feelings later. These people in a sense are living mini-marriages over and over until they finally do get married. But once they have done so, their mind is already pre-trained to acccept the conditions of divorce and break that committment once enough problems and calamity arise. This is why we have a HUGE problem with the number of divorces. Id like to see what those numbers were like if we all werent gettin busy before we were married!

3. Thats easy. Sex is a gift much like things like nature and the Bible. But ANYTHING can be abused and used against Gods intended purpose and therefore bring about misery. For instance, my dad could get me a pellet gun for christmas. Even though the gun itself is innocent and my dad meant well, I could still hurt myself or others through improper use. (in which I did shoot my brother in the leg with it when he made me mad hehe)