What should I do if I think my son has been touched?

Question

I was cooking dinner last night and my 6 year old son told me that he had sex with the neighbor who is 11. I said, excuse me, what are you talking about. He said you know mommy what you do to have babies. Of course I said no, and he said when someone rubs their privates on yours.... So I asked with clothes on, and he said yes. I'm not sure what to do. Do I call the police, doctor, or just talk to the mother? How would I bring it up? Then come to find out, she also tries to kiss him and she makes him and another neighborhood girl kiss. I am so mad right now! How do I explain it to him without making him think he did something wrong? Please help me!

Answer 1

I wouldn't confront the girl's parents. If one of them is abusing her (which is the pattern in these kinds of situations) you aren' t going to get anywhere with them. They may even hurt her for bringing attention on to themselves. You should call child protective services and let them deal with it. Your son needs to talk about what happened, and a trained therapist is your best bet for someone who will know how to help him know he didn't do anything bad.

Answer 2

I would first talk with the mother, call her and let you know that you had a disturbing conversation with your son and that you have some concerns. If that gets you no where then involve the police, lets not be naive kids see stuff on television hear stories from friends etc. A couple of weeks ago my 9 year old asked me about tampons, I told her the truth. I would rather tell her everything the right way than have some stranger tell her something wrong.

Remember you are the protector of your child, be assertive during this conversation with the mother, I really don't think there is much the police can do, since it was just a kiss, however the mother needs to know that you don't appreciate your six year old getting sexual information from her 11 year old.

Explain to your child in the most delicate way about the birds and the bees, he seems to already have some ideas complements of your neighbors child. Ask open ended questions let him do most of the talking, this should allow you to gage where to begin.

I still don't understand why he was over there, was the mother watching him for you?

Good Luck

Answer 3

I am a mere man in England,but when your question started I thought you was going to say by a man! That would be something to be concerned about.! As it is a small girl I can only think she is above her age.Perhaps she watches a lot of tv.I was in my early teens before I even knew anything about this! Dont tell the police,for goodness sake,no offence at all has been committed. I would have a word with the parent.Just come out with it,and discuss together.She may be mad,of course,and say my little mary would not do things like that.Of course your own son may himself have been watching too much tv,and making it all up? hope this helps a little,kind regards,David Harrison

Answer 4

I would take him to the doctor and have him checked. Tell them your concerns and what he told you. They can bring in a psychologist who is trained in talking to youngsters in these situations and getting at the truth. They will be able to get the details of the incident.
In the meantime.....keep him away from the neighbor! Clothes on or off, the act was not acceptable and the 11 year old knows better! Move, or whatever you have to do to keep him away from him. Also, let the authorities handle the situation when the parents of the boy. If the parent is a friend of yours, and you feel confident in talking with them, then make your own judgement. But, imagine someone coming to you and telling you that your son did something like that with a young child. ????? So, definately think it over before you do anything you may regret.
Best of luck hun.....but get him outta there before the clothes come off!!!! The 11 year old knows what hes doing and needs correcting now. I work at a prison and around inmates who have problems with young boys, and you would be surprised how young they realized it was a problem. The youngest I have seen thus far is 9 years old when they committed their first act and it was on a 4 year old. So, take this very seriously and get your boy away from him.
Its harsh i know, but I have seen it too much not to warn you.
Good luck hun.

Answer 5

Firstly I would try not to panic. It is a good sign that he came to you and told you about it. With the child being 11 and your son being 6 maybe its a good idea to keep them seperated as the older child is obviously going through things in their life or possibly just questioning things that is inappropriate and not at your son's level due to age. I would monitor their activities closely and keep dialogue going with your son, ask him how he feels when he is playing with the other child and if he feels comfortable and what they get up to so of course you have more information to go on. Reassure him that a friend shouldn't make you do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable. I would remind him that his body is just for him as you say "privates" is just that, that noone needs to see his or he doesn't need to see other peoples etc.Try and keep their interactions limited and monitored and encourage your child to play with friends of his own age, maybe inviting a school friend over to play etc. I think its more of an age difference issue rather than a criminal issue with a curious 11 yr old, a light chat to the mother wouldnt hurt, just say oh guess what (your sons name) came out with last night etc etc. and you will get a clearer instinct on what you should do next.

Answer 6

Thats a tough one,ok firstly dont lose your temper with him.He is only 6 years old.He probably doesnt realise what sex really is even if he does know how to do it.You need to explain to him the seriousness of it,in 6 yr old lingo of course.6 yr olds are after all very imperssionable.Theyre out to please you.You will probably find hes been talking to another kid at school about sex.the worst thing you can do is get too upset.You have to keep in mind the girl is only 11.She probably has no idea what shes doing either.Theyre just children.Talk to the parents.If that doesnt work,I suggest keeping your son away from your nabours.Your the parent,take the lead and get your kid out of that situation if you think its bad for him.

Answer 7

Whoa, that is a very sensitive situation. I would definitely CALMLY bring it up to the mother. She probably doesnt even know bout it. I would keep my son away from the neighbor she definitely sounds like bad news right now for your son. You have some explaining - brief at that- to do with your son so he is not just totally confused with the situation. Definitely take a more active role with what your son does, especially at six. I know as moms we have sooo much to do already, but kids are sooo much more influenced by adult/sexual ideals now than they were 20-30 years ago. TV, Music, everything! Thats what I think I would do if it was me... I wouldnt think that you need to take him to a doctor, at least by what you have said... that might scare him more than anything. Just try to find out if there is reason to be more alarmed than you already are... But definitely talk it out with the mother.

Answer 8

jack of all trades gave you good advice. Its an exploritory thing. if you involve the police these children will have a very great misunderstanding of what they did, for the rest of their lives. the 11 year old is just as innocent as your son. it was curiosity and new found knowledge. Just go and talk to the mother see what she thinks. im sure youll both agree the children shouldnt play together anymore. its so important to keep children away from adult television and explicit material and with all the exposure on television and almost everywhere else we look its almost impossible. so when something like this occurs its important to handle it with love and care so these children grow up with a healthy sexual identity. Dont scare them into thinking they did something horribly wrong, cuz that fear will resinate inside of them and follow them for life. just say no more playing like that. cuz to a child thats all it was. i strongly believe its tv and medias' influence that teaches children about these things. so limit tv time and make sure as he is growing up, he has a healthy understanding of his body and sexuality and girls ect. kids are growing up a lot faster then in years past. They are seeing sex on tv (as it has become more exceptable) and online, in magazines. almost every product is advertised with some sort of sexual inuendo. So these children are products of their own environment. next time you turn on the tv really try to examine what your watching i gurantee you find at least ten things of a sexual nature. this little girl isnt as horrible as she may seem. in fact, she, like so many other children, is a victim of the times.

Answer 9

when my son was four he told me that one of his Aunt's touched him and kissed him the wrong way. I told him that he did'nt do anything wrong and that the only people that can touch or see his private area is him, mom and dad for inspection only { if sore} or a doctor and only if we are present. You do need to talk to the mother of that child and your son should not be allowed near her again. That makes me soo mad! I am so sorry that, that happened to your son. I talked to my step- mother about what my sister did and she was in denial, she said my son shouldn't go around accusing people of that! My son was only four! I had never heard him talk like that before, so I knew he wasn't making it up. You really need to know who your children are playing with. I have to know the parents well, and their lifestyle I must approve of before I will allow my children to play with them, I also check out their friends before even considering letting my children go to their home. It might not be a bad idea to call the police just to ask for advice on the situation her son obviuosly needs some help.

Answer 10

First you need to contact that 11 year old girl's mom and have a very frank and open talk about what has happened. Chances are that little girl is being exposed to sexual activity and acting according to what she has been taught. If that other girl's mother does not provide the answers you are looking for than you need to contact social services and get them to investigate what is going on in that girl's life.

You also need to sit down and explain what happened to your son so that it makes sense to him. Tell him that sex is something that you do when you are grown up and if anyone else tries to touch him he needs to run away and tell someone he trust.

Answer 11

I'm sorry. I don't agree with E Kess, or indeed most of the other answers. I would skip the police, skip the mother, and go to Child Protective Services. The problem is, this kind of behavior in the girl is a strong indicator that she has been sexually abused herself. CPS is much better equipped to help you with your son and also to get some help for the girl. Meanwhile, don't act upset around your son. Just simply tell him this isn't something he should do again, with anybody, and he should run and tell if anyone else tries to do it to him.