How do you fix a relationship?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3.5 years. I always thought he was the one I was going to marry. Things have gotten really bad over the past 3 months. I feel disrespected and deeply hurt. He tells me he is tired of how angry I act towards him. I feel I'm angry because of everything that is going on. How can we work on things to get them back to where they used to be? I thought we should start by making a list of things that bother us about the relationship. I'm worried it is too far gone though. He isn't even sure if he loves me anymore. Do I give up or try to fix things. If things don't get better, I'll have to move on, I can't take feeling like **** all time much longer. What do I do?

Answer 1

i understand where you are coming from. I am in the same situation with my boyfriend right now. We keep saying we will try to work on things but a couple days later we fall right back into fighting with each other again. I want there to still be feelings left but i'm afraid there isn't. I'm giving it about another month and if things don't improve i'm afraid i'm just gonna have to move on. I think thats what you should do to. Sometimes relationships dont work out and there is nothing you can do to save them. good luck to you.

Answer 2

I'm in the exact same situation as you. Unfortunately in my circumstances I let anger take the better of me and it made things much, much worse. Since you both have been together for some time (it was three years for me also) I don't believe that you should walk away that easily, but at the same time I don't believe you should continue being disrespected. Maybe you should look into couples counseling. If he agrees then that's a first step to making it work. If all else fails then you may end up where I'm at now. I had to break it off, it is one of the hardest and most painful things I've ever had to do. But it had to be done. It been four months and we still keep in contact (more on my end then his). If it gets to this point it, then all I can say it give it space, and time. Eventually everything will fall into place and from there you can decide if you want to make it work (remember it takes two) or if its time to move on. I wish you luck, and I hope it all works out well!

Answer 3

Do you act angry towards him?
Do you react in anger out of proportion to the importance of a thing?

You can make a list of what bothers you about the relationship all by yourself for your own self-evaluation. You need to evaluate how important each of them is to see if they really warrant the anger they trigger. You need to understand why you feel so angry.

You should consider going to a counselor and seeing what you are so angry about. Relationship or marriage counseling does not require both people to go. You go to find out what you personally are contributing to the relationship problems. If the counselor recommends bringing your partner, you can ask him to go with you for a few visits, or maybe for many visits, depending on what's happening.

You need a professional to discuss why you feel disrespected and hurt so you can get good feedback from him/her on what it means. You need to learn if you really have valid actions on your bf's part to trigger these feelings, or are they indicators that you have an inner problem to deal with.

Your bf may not wish to make a list of what bothers him, as he may view this as a negative approach.

If you had a good reason to love him for 3.5 years, it's always worth trying to see if you can fix the problems. That's better than just giving up. But relationships take work and most people forget this fact. A relationship that is currently painful won't get better if one or both of you don't work on it. If it's a personal problem, the person with the problem has to work in that, and the partner has to work on being accepting and understanding while the other is working on the problem.

Answer 4

In relationship you have to look at it like a blooming flower. It needs water to grow water being love and emotional concept. When you don't water it what happens next is it begins to wither and die causing stress and emotional pain.

You begint o wonder can I fix this or can it be fixed.
The solution is to evaluate your surroundings and what you're doing about it or what you intend to do about it.

Commincation here is a good start. Time to let your true feelings come out/your desires/your dreams and goals.

If he cannot understand what you want and help you get there than your toting baggage and that is extra weight you don;t need and being three-years already..your toting allot.

Time to make a change. Thats long enough to decide what is or what will be form here to eternity.
The decision is now in your hands. You see what your up against so don't let your emotions take control in other words your kindness for your weakness.
Time to get strong and make a stand and what ever is lost should it result to that is lost and be forgotten.
Lesson learned in some relationships takes years, but in your case your at the cross road and the next road you take will decide your fate!
Choose wisely and think wide and broad.

Answer 5

Im going through the same thing right now. What I am doing is trying to work through the issues myself and talking to him. We both tell eachother whats bothering us in a really constructive way then try to work on them. If that doesnt work it may be time to move on. My boyfriend and I just talked about us last night and thats what we came up with. It sucks because I also think hes the one Im going to marry and we had our whole lives already planned out together. But sweetie I really hope yours works out for the best too. Good luck.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you really love this man & if you have to leave you will but, you really don't want to. I can completely understand! But, I suggest you get a couple counselor. I believe counselors are great & can do amazing work. And if this relationship is really important to you, you'll do anything to fix it.

I think trust/honesty & open talking can do wonders in a relationship. If I ever have a problem with what my boyfriend is doing or whatever, I straight up tell him. And he does the same to me. Thats why we are so happy together.

I'm very sorry about your relationship but, try & do the best to work it out. Good-Luck, hun.

Answer 7

What you suggested is a good first start towards fixing a relationship. One thing you but need to do is really listen when the other is saying what bothers them and acknowledge it. Be honest about what will happen if things are not going to work out.

Answer 8

Let me tell you from experience o.k its one of his moods. yoy may say a mood for 3 months yes a mood for three months ok. He still loves you its just that maybe he feels as though the relationship has gotten boring you need to talk to him about it first ask him why he acting dumb! Ask him if he still wants to be with you. If yes then consider why he tells you he acting the way he is and change things according to what he says and he'll change the way he acts like if ya relationship did get boring you could spend more time together go to the movies every friday on the regular buy each other presents but secretly dont let the other know. Be aggressive with him too like when he ask for something like if he wants to have sex or suttin play with him and be like i aint having sex wit you i dont mess wichu like that. like make it hard for him to get. open up more im sure he doesnt know every little thing about you ive been messing with the same boy for almost 5 years and we'll be offically together 1 year friday and i havent told him every little embarressing thing ive ever done disscus topics out of the ordinary be outgoing <--- that will really bring ya'll relationship up to speed. I went through the same thing with my dude he gets like that like once a year it will blow over he's just having one of those ,oods that guys have when they think theve been with the same girl to long but I garentee you rock his world change ya attitude act like you dont care if he stays or goes cuz your such a bad *** you allready have another dude lined up his *** will be staying right where hes at with YOU!! it worked for me I know it'll work for you good luck o.k

Answer 9

To me, he has already given you your answer, If he does not know if he still loves you,,,,Then seriously I would move on, If you are with someone for 3.5 years,,,their should be no question on wether or not you both love each other,,,Your love should be able to with stand many things,,,and you both NOT communicating with each other,,that is not good,,,communication is one of the most IMPORTANT things in a relationship,,,not writing it down on a peice of paper,,paper does not talk back ya know,,and you should feel like you can talk about anything,,sometimes things in life happen for a reason,,,and I personally believe all things,,happen for a reason,,you are going through this because this is not your destiny,,if he was you would be fine,,someone is trying to tell you something,,and more than likely it is your inner self,,things that you have let go unnoticed or don't talk about or just let slide under the rug,,for what ever reason are starting to bother you sub-conciously and they are taking control of you and your heart,,,and that is why you are not getting along,,the same with him,,he is having issues for what ever reason, and is trying to tell you that he is NOT SURE if he loves you,,,not sure if YOU are the ONE,,and as hard and painful as that is,,,it is better to know now, than to be married with kids, and then realize it...you are destined for someone better, and that will always know if he loves you, that has no doubt in you what so ever,,and I personally think you need to move on. and just let your heart be free, to give to someone else, and I know that is easier said than done,,,but would you rather be happy or feel like sh***it ?????

Love is not suspposed to make you cry, or feel disrespected, you are not supposed to question the one you are with , their love, you know without a doubt that they are the one,,the one you have been looking for all of your life, and when you meet this person, you will know in that instant,,

Sometimes in life we tend to want something so very much that we forget about what it is that makes us who we are, we tend to accept someone for all that they do instead of realizing what it is that they NO LONGER do,,,and that is when we feel it in our heart, and that is when we feel as though we are being hurt and disrespected, they no longer provide a sense of security or tenderness that they once did..but we feel as though we need to hang on to that negativity as to have a sense of what used to be, when in all relity all we are doing is making things worse, and lowering our self pride, worth, and our inner spirit, you are I am sure a very smart person, and you wouldn't be having this sickining feeling in your stomach all day, if you did not know in your HEART that things were no longer the way they used to be,,,
you are your own best judge of character, and you know how much you can or cannot take,,,not us on here,,but I do wish you the best of luck and hope that you make the right decision, and not only for you but for each other.

Good luck, Daphne

Answer 10

sorry for your pain, hon... i'm sure this is very difficult for you.

it's a good idea to write things down... how you both FEEL are the most important issues here.

you can ask your boyfriend if he wouldn't mind having some discussions about your problems, let him know you want things to improve and that you do love him. that might be a start.

i hope things work out... you might do a search for HOW TO IMPROVE A RELATIONSHIP, HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP. you might find very good advice, self-help on line...

take care and i wish you all the best!