My 19 Year Old Son?

Question

My son is 19 years old - has a GED. Does nothing. No job, no drivers license. Has thought about the Army - but now he doesn't know what he wants. I'm at my witts end ... what should I do - I told him either he gets a job (which he won't) or join the Army (which he might - but I think he's scared) or get out of my house by August 31st. He's never had a father figure - no true friends - the "friends" he has just get him in trouble - he's a very good looking nice kid - I can tell he's just lonely and wants accepted and he doesn't care if he has to smoke pot to be friends or drink to be friends - or whatever ... what should I do? Do you think the Army would be a good thing for him - I think he's scared he'll be lonely and have no friends. HELP !

Answer 1

I think you need to get really close with him and talk to him, ask him about the things he enjoy in life and give him the option of what kindof career he wants. he can go to a local college open house and they will assist him in learning and finding a career, put him in courses , they have free courses available just look for community papers and boards, on line. Hey make it fun find a course in the learning Annex that ya'll both can attent; something interesting. Ask him what males in the public eye who lifestlyes he find appealing. ask what he like about them, etc. It has to be someone in the public that he feel is positive, cool or inspiring.it seems like he is not sure about what he want and honestly he needs to expose to other different things. PLEASE do not push him in the Army (American are fighting to get ther families from over there) at least let him see that there is alot of opportunies out there for him, he will also meet new positive friends, too.

Answer 2

The Army would be a good idea for him, as the first person had posted.

I do think that now that you've set your date of August 31st, you need to stick to your guns. Make sure he gtes out by then. He is 19 years old, an adult legally now. If you just let him stay around, without any responsibility, what are you teaching him? You are only enabling him -- enabling him to not work, to do whatever he needs to do to have friends, etc.

If you have to go and change all the locks on your doors, do it. Just make sure he is out or has a job by the 31st. If you don't stick to the date, he will see that he can passively control you.

Answer 3

It's not going to be easy for you but ... you need to cut him off financially. No food, no laundry, he pays half the utilities and rent. He is unmotivated, but he doesn't need any motivation if he's got you taking care of him. So, you need to lay this out for him - he either gets a job (or enlists) and moves into his own place, or he goes hungry in a pile of his dirty laundry on your couch. Period. No other options.

And if he's frightened of the Army (and I can't say I blame him a bit, with the current situation), there are other branches of service. Have him talk to a Navy or Air Force recruiter. He'll get the acceptance he needs, and be a part of something. He can figure out an MOS later during basic training. Good luck, and be strong.

Answer 4

Not having a father figure in a child let alone boy's life is very difficult on their development into a man. But this shouldn't present as a severe problem because children and people in general sometimes go through a rough period where they dont know where to turn of where to go and to do. I understand that its very hard for a mother to look at her son and feel as though he's lying around and dosent know what to do with his life. As a 19 year old, he's approaching adulthood and is finding himself. The best thing to do is what your doing ritght now, giving some tough love and being a great mom! If he seems interested in the army, let him give it a try, of course with anything, especially with the army, it can be very frightening, but you never know once you try-and since we are at war at the present time.

The army could be a good thing for him, after all, you are his mother, you know him better than all of us here, but from my opinion, I think the army is good, and also, getting a good job where its a very social environment, also with people his age who may be able to relate to him at this time in his life. Seriously, he could consider getting a job at McDonalds or a pizza place, just for the fact that its very social and they are hot spots for kids his age. Also, seriously speaking also, maybe looking to a pshcologist might help, just for hte fact that sometimes its nice to see speak to someone who is neutral to everything and can give you some outdside of the family help. One of my relatives did just that, and he turned out good and now he is a different person in a good way than he was before.

Otherwise, getting a job where its very fast passed and a lot of kids his age is very good for someone, maybe even being a bus boy or a waiter is good. For him, he could find a girl, or a great guy friend. Dont forget, many young people go to diner's because its cheep and its got great food. The army is a great thing for some people, but for people that have it a little rough, mentally or physically, it can be stressing in both parts becuase the training is hard and they really get abused to become stronger. So not alsway, is the army the solution becuase they get screamed in the face and they have to do trecherous tactics to prepare for combat. So yes the army is good, but in a great sense for someone who is in your son's position it can either go both ways, be really, really, good or be really, really, bad. So I am going to say no to the army, but its again, up to you and your son. I feel the best thing is to get a good job that;'s in a good environment with a lot of young people!!

I hope I helped and good luck to both your son and yourself, in a little while, it will be all over and fixed , trust me!

Answer 5

I think it is the best time for you to become his best friend. Do not push him to join the Army. Do not get him out of the house. Talk to him. A lot. Do not argue! Give him some time to find a job or fill together some forms to get a job.If I were you I would suggest to find a girl friend or I would encorrage him to take some extra classes to keep him busy. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you have to give him tough love. There is no reason for him not to have a job. I think you should stick to what you told him. I'm 28 and when I was that age I thought I knew everything of course I now know I didn't know squat. I turned out okay I now take care of my parents. We have to learn the hard way sometimes. Sounds like he needs to realize how hard life is on your own. I'll keep you in my prayers good luck.

Answer 7

well, i know that he's probably not doing much right now... but as a mom, i think you shouldnt try to kick him out by the end of august. i get it that he doesnt want to join the army, i mean everyday, its like a fight for the nation, a life & death thing. maybe he should look into his strengths and try to find a job that that suits him. why is it that he doesnt want a job, anyway?

Answer 8

do you think he is suffering from depression?

or does he smoke pot all the time ? (pot smoking usually causes lethargy, apathy, and general do-nothing life for many who smoke it all of the time).

depression is an illness, and a person just can't "get over it". perhaps he could consider seeing a doctor, if he feels he is unmotivated because of emotional issues?

i think your urging him to get his life together is a very good thing, and nothing wrong with it, at all. sometimes we need a good, swift kick in the butt to "wake up"!

i sure hope things work out. as a parent, i'm sure it's not easy for YOU either.

sending hugs.. i wish you all the best.

Answer 9

why would you force him into the service if that's not what he wants.....now you want to kick him out .....because you allowed him to be a slacker.....he obviously isn't prepared for real life...without no job or transportation and a place to stay...and when you kick your son out of his and your house who's he going to go to....you are all he's ever had ...yes he should get a job and have friends blah, blah.....but maybe there's something else going on with him he has trouble talking with you about.....why don't you find out whats going on with him first.....then you guys can move on from there....maybe he might be interested in some kind of trade school....don't give up on him like his father did.....good luck to you both

Answer 10

you can't force him to get a job. You can't force him to go into the Army. But you can refuse to no longer enable him to be a bum. he's 19 years old. He should be working or be in college. If you continue to support him, you're not doing him any favors. He'll never learn to stand on his own until he has to. Tough love. He'll thank you for it later.