I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and we love each other to bits. He's 31 and still lives at home, I'm 27 sepearated from my husband and live with my two young kids. I would really like my boyfriend to move in with us but he says he's not ready yet.
He says there's no hurry and he doesn't want to rush into things which is ok but he wants to wait another 18 months. I think thats such a long time and dont want to wait that long. We see each other 5 nights a week and he stays 3 nights and has a key for my house.
He gets on really well with my kids but is not sure he can handle them permanently. It makes me feel that he doesn't love me as much as I love him if he cant commit to me. I know I cant rush him cos he'll end up regretting it but theres no way I am willing to wait 18 months.
Is it worth staying with him or would it be better in the long run to finish it now?
2007-08-15 23:39:44 · 14 answers · asked by Lynn P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I feel your boyfriend is acting from his head and not his heart, perhaps you should. I dont doubt you love him, but you have two young kids to consider, eighteen months is not a long time to wait, in that time you will both realize if the kids will accept the situation , you will not want another relationship going sour, anyone can make one mistake, be grateful for the eighteen months, make the most of them, I always feel what is for you will not go past you. Good Luck
2007-08-16 00:03:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a key and is there 5 days and 3 nights a week. He gets along with your kids, and has admitted he's not sure if he can handle them full time at the moment.
Oh, and you're only seperated not divorced.
Sounds to me like he's actually thought this through.
Now where is the lack of commitment?
Have you asked him why 18 months? Could it be he has a plan or obligations?
Since when is love and commitment defined by having to live under the same roof when not married?
2007-08-16 00:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by riding128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound impatient and that could lead to other problems. This is a situation that needs time to decide and as long as you both are happy right now there's no rush into this because in the end you may very well end up together forever, but if you have a doubt having gave yourself to him already your definitely pushing it too hard.
keep your head up and take care of your children regardless what he decides to do. Stay happy. You sound as if since your giving and he is taking that there should be a bond tighter than what it is and in some cases that is a sign of trouble in paradise. Kind of like a snake in the grass your gonna get bit if you don;t get your way and lose all together.
Let your best side show, but always remember that when you lay down with somone and give your whole heart to them your leaving your self wide open to be hurt without having a good understanding that it may not last and then again it may be forever.
The hardest part of this is waiting and that will have to come with patience to accept things as they are.
Never get deeply into a relationship especially when you have children. You should be able to have fun and still function properly, but it looks like your over your head on this one and it is taking a toll on you because you allowed it to happen so now you must adhere to it or deny it and move on.
2007-08-15 23:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not that he does not love you but it depends with the way you relate to each other.He might be taking longer time to rethink about the life he may begin.Actually,it is really hard to get a man who is ready to care for kids belonging to another man.Do not force him to make fast decisions because it might end up bringing you into trouble.
2007-08-15 23:52:04 · answer #4 · answered by edel m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eighteen months will pass. How are you going to feel when it's gone by and he's moving in with someone who had a bit of patience? Hell, you're still married. Maybe that's part of the problem...
2007-08-15 23:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by Penelope Smith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, he's just like me-I'm not ready to move out & live with a woman untill I'm 100% ready-give it time-maybe he'll move in sooner-that's good you trust him. (maybe he's gotta be around the kids more to handle them-kids make me nervous, esp loud ones-& I can't handle them at times. (I don't have any of my own, just nieces & nephews & they can be loud & obnoxious too.-But I still love them to death).
2007-08-15 23:53:28 · answer #6 · answered by strange-artist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are separated from your hubby then you are still legally married. Get a divorce and move in the guy. If he isn't ready then move on if you want.
2007-08-15 23:43:43 · answer #7 · answered by Gone fishin' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are just wife of your own husbad till now. you are degrading yourself to be attracted to a guy who is not your at all according to my analysis, becuse you have two kids. boys love kids but only tolerate them in long run if they are their own. in light of this i would strongly recommend you to end up withthis guy and more better to return to your husband. he is the only guy in the world who rellly loves the two kids with you. lathough may not be with you (as you have separated from him)
2007-08-15 23:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by PHD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he doesn't want to grow up, i don't think he is ready for your kids maybe you should find a more mature man (i mean mentally not chronologically)
2007-08-15 23:45:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
do what you feel is right, i honestly wouldn't hurry him to much...i year..isn't that long of a time..i mean..most peple wait till about two or three...just give it time...maybe he will change his mind and attuide towards things..i wish you the best =]
2007-08-15 23:46:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋