How can I get my 8 year old to stop arguing with me?

Question

This has been going on since he was about two years old and it's driving me mad. I'm sick of it.

Any techniques or punishments/deterants to put an end to this nightmare?

We can't get anything done and he spoils trips out and visits due to his endless arguing, moaning and griping.

This isn't just an age-related problem - he's been like this all his life!

Answer 1

ah i know the sort. I bet it makes u really mad! I know it does me. lol! What i do, is ignore it. I don't argue back. I just look at them like they are stupid! Or ask them why do they think that (the thing they are arguing about) it stops them in thier tracks. When he is moaning ignore him completely- this is really really hard- tell him to take the whine out of his voice. Make sure he knows that you will only be willing to listen when he is talking in a polite normal voice. It improved my one!

take care :)

Answer 2

You can try stopping all his activities and clubs if he does any, don't let him go out to friend's houses, or have friends round, no parties, no take away meals for treats, and no outings untill he starts behaving. Don't take him to any places he wants to go to. If you have other children let them choose where you go, and take them all there, but don't let him choose anything. If this doesn't work try taking his computer/ playstation/ games console away, and his tv if he has one in his room. Tell him there is to be no more arguments, you are in charge, you say what happens and when, and he will do as you say. Tell him when he starts having some respect for you and appreciating what you do for him then he can start doing things again and can have his stuff back. You bought it afterall.
Don't expect miracles though, he may get the message and start being good a bit more, but he will still give you grief at least once a day, that's what kids do! I've got 3, the oldest is 10, then 7, and then a nearly two, and believe me there is no such thing as a child that does not argue or moan or whinge!! Mine get taken to all sorts of zoos and places that they enjoy, and they are still little monkeys. However I do use the punishments that I have suggested when they are really getting on my nerves and they do hit the message home for a while. Good luck!!

Answer 3

The key is not to stop him, but for you to stop arguing back. I have an aguementative son, and sometimes it will take a few minutes before I realize that I'm arguing back to him, he's sucked me into a discussion/arguement, and I have to take a step back and realize that if I simply refuse to engage in my half, then this cuts the argument off. So instead of trying to change his behavior, change yours. Hard to argue with someone who isn't responding back to you, right?

Also, what might help is for you to build him up. It's a control issue, so help him feel like he has some input and control by asking his opinion on things. For example, "Johnny, do you think we should go to the post office first, and the grocery store second?" Either way, you don't care about the outcome, but you are asking for his input, and he will start to feel a measure of control over his life, 8 years old is a key developmental stage of the whole control thing....

Answer 4

Don't allow arguing...PERIOD!. If he has been doing this since he was 2, it has been because you allowed it.

When you argue with a child, you are telling that child that he is an equal with you...and therefore you must CONVINCE him to DECIDE to obey you. That must end immediately.

You lay out clear instructions to your child...he will do x or y will be the consequence. As soon as there is a "but" or a "why" or a "no" come out of his mouth, there is a punishment...timeout works good for this. You don't say another word about the situation. He already knows what you expect, and thats all you say.

Look up the 1,2,3 magic program. It is a great way to deal with behavior problems without all the drama. Also, there are specific instructions for dealing with argumentative children. But you need to remember: There are no stubborn children, just complacent parents. You hold all the cards, play them!

Answer 5

You can't make him change. But you can change the way YOU react. it won't be easy but unless you want things to go on the way they are you'll have to put some work in yourselves; you and your husband and any other adult relatives will need to be in on this. Basically, when he argues you IGNORE him. Simple as that; you pretend he's not there, you can't hear his voice. When he speaks normally or says something positive or asks a question, you respond to him like normal loving parents.

If he moans or gripes you can either ignore him or you can ask him what could be done that would improve things. If he can't think of anything that's the end of the matter and if he keeps on about it you IGNORE him.

You owe it to him and yourselves to do something about this now. What was fairly standard behaviour in a 2 year old is going to make him very unhappy if it's not changed as soon as possible.

Answer 6

You need to follow through on your threat of punishment...IE time outs, taking away a privilege, with hold special treats etc. Don't just threaten and then not do it because your child now has the upper hand and will continue to be in charge. You are the parent not your child.
If after two - three weeks you don't see a change then I think you should have a doctor evaluate him for ADD- ADHD or any other childhood disorder. The doctor can then recommend him to a Early Childhood Specialist in your area. Start working with the teacher to correct and understand his behavior.

Answer 7

Stop arguing with him, then he wont have anything to argue back.
What you tell him are facts, there is not room for disagreement. If you have confidence and conviction in what you are saying he will come to see that too.
What you say goes. If he argues tell him calmly again and then just walk away, ignore him.
Put him on the 'naughty step' and go into another room and dont let him see it effect you.

Answer 8

The answer sounds simple but is oh so hard to do...

STOP ARGUING BACK

There is no such thing as a one sided argument. As the saying goes it takes two to tango.

You stopping will royally tick him off for awhile, but after not receiving the attention he has been getting he will change his tactic

I go against the grain on the punishment issue. Instead of punishing him for doing it why not reward him for not ? You attract more bees with honey than vinegar, give him incentives to not argue.

After he has established the fact that you will not argue back, start rewarding him for everyday he does not argue. Positive reinforcement usually works!

Good luck!!!!

Answer 9

First, you have to be willing to see him cry. You have to teach your son that there are consequences for his actions. As soon as he begins to argue, spell out in detail the punishment, make sure it is something he hates, and be strong willed enough to follow through. You better start this now before he gets to be a teenager and is even harder to teach. One good thing that I find works with my two kids aged 8 and 12, is to take something from them that they value. For example, my twelve year old is very social, so if she acts inappropriatley, she has to stay home and off the phone. Doing this is very effective, so and idea like that would work with your son. If he is like my 8 year old, he is into video games, and not allowing him to play them straightens him out in no time. I hope this is helpful, and remember, you are the adult, don't stoop to his level, just be strong, and correct his behavior.

Answer 10

I take away privledges with mine and that would be like gameboy etc. Stuff they HAVE to have. You are engaging him if he is arguing with you and you need to stop it before it gets out of control. You are the boss not your son and he needs to know that. Reward him when he responses in a positive way and thank him and tell him how proud you are of his efforts. Since you said this has been an ongoing issue then that makes me believe that you are becoming immune to it when it starts and now it is getting worse before you get tothe point of calling him on it. Kids will take a mile if you let them. Be on gaurd and I promise that you will see some changes for the better.

Answer 11

well this happens to me alot, i dont know if its age related or not. but just cut it off... start an arguing tally board, so they can visualy see how much they are doing it, incase they are unaware of it. then tell them when they start they have 1 warning and then it must stop or they will go to time out, or you can make them write there arument down and you can read it. bonus there is they have to reconize what they are arguing about and you dont have to hear it.

you can also do rewards for 2 days without arguing, say they get to pick what they want for dinner, or get to pick a activity, park or something fun that they want to do.