My wife is pregnant after my vasectomy -- how can this happen ?

Question

I have had my vasectomy about 7 years ago. It was before my last child was born. We have three. My marriage seems to be ok, but this will definitly put some strain on it. She said that she is faithful and that the baby is mine, but I will still get a sperm count done to check if it is possible. I really don't know what to do or say to her because in the back of my mind I know that we haven't had sex that often maybe once a month near the start of her period. I pray that she has been faithful to me. I worry that this baby will drive a wedge between us as my mind won't let me believe that it is mine. Has anyone ever had this happen to them?? How can I handle the feelings I get from all of this?? I am a good father to my other children, but I am scared for what this new baby will do to us. I don't want another child-- I just hope that it is mine.

Answer 1

Wow, what a big change to your life. You must be still trying to absorb the shock.

This did happen to my neighbor when I was growing up. They had four kids, decided they were done, and the husband had the vasectomy. A year later the wife was pregnant with their fifth. They had a hard time maritally because he suspected her of cheating and of course it threw their relationship into a bad place. Finally they determined it was the husband's baby.

I can't give you too much advice except that I would just try to take it one piece at a time. Find out if you are in fact fertile first. Try to avoid drawing any conclusions until then or you will worry yourself sick.

It sounds like you are a responsible father and a good person. I can't imagine how hard this is to wrap your mind around, especially since you thought you were done having children.

Try to picture the best case scenario until you are told otherwise: you have a miracle baby who is going to give you the chance to be a great daddy once again. You may not want this now but I suspect those feelings might change when the shock wears off.

I hope that you are blessed and that everything works out with you and your wife.

Best of Luck.

Answer 2

I knew a guy in the army and he called his wife a wh@re and all kinds of other horrible things because she fell pregnant not too long after he had a vasectomy. He was a total a#$ about it and screwed around trying to make a point to her while she is swearing he's wrong and it's his kid. Well, guess what, when the baby was born he found out he was wrong and the kid was his. It happens. Although it may be rare, it does happen. If I believed in being "fixed" which I don't really, well I would do it before my husband did because in my personal opinion it's more effective that way.

Answer 3

It is possible. Vasectomies can spontaneously regenerate, or not be performed properly in the first place.

Even if you had sex only once a month, once a month is all it takes, if she ovulates at the right time. And a woman can ovulate at any point during her cycle... even during her period.

If you aren't certain, you can ask for a paternity test, but know that such an act will undoubtedly drive a wedge between you, regardless of the results, because it is a blatant statement that you don't trust your wife.

No matter what, it is imperative that you both get into marital counseling. There are clearly stresses here that are placing strain on your marriage, and counseling can help find out what the source is, and figure out how to deal with it.

If she is having an affair... infidelity doesn't have to be the end of your marriage. If both of you are committed to working it out, it CAN heal, although it will take a lot of time and a lot of hard work.

Answer 4

My husband just got a vasectomy 7 months ago. The Dr. did tell us that while it is very rare...there's still a little less than a 1% chance of becoming pregnant. Its happened to others before. I was taking birth control last year, faithfully, but still got pregnant with that teensy-tiny 1% chance that it won't work. So we now have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl, Charlotte, who we love just as much as her 5 year old sister (she was our 'only' child...we were done). Nonetheless, God had different plans for us...she didn't fit into our 2 bedroom home plan (which we're in the middle of remodeling). For now, trust your wife and give her the benefit of the doubt. Make sure you're completely open to her about your feelings 100% and that she understands why you need to see test results to be sure for yourself. If it were me, it would be hard if my husband were to tell me that, but I'd still do it to prove it was his. If there just isn't any way you both can handle another child, please atleast give the baby a chance and put it up for adoption to a loving couple who isn't capable of having children...its ok if that's what you choose. I wish you and your wife the very best and may you learn to truth soon enough.

Answer 5

Take a breather. I can see why you would be overwhelmed, but you need to find out first from your doctor if something has gone wrong with your vasectomy. If everything checks out, your mind won't be put to ease until you get a paternity test. Jumping to conclusions will put more of a strain on your marriage than worrying whether or not your wife has been cheating. There is nothing you can do until you know for sure if this is your baby.

Answer 6

Vasectomies don't always work. Sometimes they can repair themselves. For now, at least, trust your wife. If you are still bothered by this, you can get a DNA check done after the baby is born, but that may drive a wedge between you and your wife. Maybe you should both see a marriage counselor before this gets out of hand.
When it turns out that the kid is yours, you are going to owe your wife a huge apology. My best to all three of the people concerned here.

Answer 7

It is medically possible that some sperm remained within your tubes. It HAS happened before. RARE does not mean IMPOSSIBLE.

If your wife is indeed pregnant with your child, the last thing that will help you as a couple, her as a pregnant woman, or your unborn child should she actually be able to carry a full term pregnancy, is starting with a crack in the foundation.

You need to hold judgment until you consult with 3 professionals: the one that will check your sperm count, the OB/GYN who can confirm that she is pregnant, and the counselor that you should see together so that you can properly discuss what to do with these feelings. After all, your "plans" have been tossed out the window. You need some help to get through this together, and the right way.

Answer 8

Some examples of people I know that this has happened to:

My friends brother got his done after his wife gave birth to their 4th child. She became pregnant a year later and he had a paternity test done because he didn't believe it. The child was his. He went in and his vasectomy had undone itself. He had it redone and thought everything would be ok. Again a year later another pregnancy and he had his sperm count checked and it was 0. He had the paternity test done and the baby was his. 2 years later the same thing. Finally after 4 kids and 4 vasectomies they got it right and he hasn't had anymore.

My uncle decided after his first marriage failed (and he had 3 kids) he didn't want more so he got a vasectomy. His new wife became pregnant about 5 years after they got married (7 years after the vasectomy). He kicked her out and accused her of cheating. The courts said he needed a paternity test done. After the boy was born he got the test and the boy was his. He appologized to his wife and moved her back in. They didn't have anymore.

My cousin and his wife didn't want anymore and he got it done. 2 years later his wife became pregnant. His count was 0 at the testing but the child was his.

So there is 3 examples of where the vasectomy failed to continue to do its job.

Answer 9

Before you start worrying and taking it out on your wife, you should speak with your doctor to see if there is a possibility that your vasectomy was completely successful. There have been circumstances where men will still have biological children after their procedure. A close friend of mine ended up having a son after his procedure. Once you have talked to your doc, see if there is a way to test the baby's DNA before birth (I think this can be done but it is expensive).

The one thing you should not do is harbor resentment toward your wife before you know 100% that the child is not yours. It would not be fair to her, especially if she has been faithful. Once you find out for sure, then figure out what you want to do about it.

Answer 10

It is possible to get pregnant after a vasectomy as I'm sure you know. I know it would be hard to trust her when she tells you its yours. Marriage is about trust and if you trust her then there should be no reason that you doubt the child is yours. The baby may cause a strain since you were prepared to never have another child, but obviously this child is being brought into this world for a PURPOSE. This child may be a blessing to you and may make things better....who knows. Children come into this world for a reason there are no accidents.