Mom is the guilt trip queen. She guilt trips me about not comign to visit her often, and my plans to move four states away. (1) she always put men before my brother and I (2) no showed at my wedding she says because her new husband instigated a fight with her and convinced her not to go (3) I finally forgave her and am civil and invited her to my husband's military retirement ceremony which also invloves me (sort of a second chance thing to bond) She sent us a gift 4 months before saying in case you couldn't make it... Guess what she made an excuse and didn't. (4) She started a war with her brother's/ sisters built a privacy fence between her house and theirs pissed them off then left the house to rot which was the home I grew up in. (5) expects me to call the home she shacked up in with her husband instead of my wedding my home. I am tired, going to school and working full time. Does she need to pull her head out of her *** or what? They have not once visited us.
2007-08-15 16:49:17 · 16 answers · asked by TennesseeGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I totally sympathize, I have a very similar mother. Unfortunately it took me a long time to figure all that out.
Moving four states away may give you some time to reassess the relationship you have with your mother (and she may do the same too). Maybe you need to be apart to appreciate each other more. Don't let her make you feel guilty either.
The hardest thing for me was learning to accept my mother for all her imperfections and to let go of the anger I felt towards her. It wasn't doing me any good and it had no affect on her actions, so it was just bringing me down.
You can't change someone who doesn't think there's anything wrong with them. They are who they are.
Best wishes.
2007-08-16 05:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a mother similar! I know what you feel! Im getting married in a few weeks, and my mom had given me a prepaid credit card for my wedding money, which I thought was a good idea! 4 weeks before the wedding when all my expenses need to be paid for (dress alterations, tuxes, flowers, all that other crap) I figure out that 85% of my money was missing...turns out her husband (I refuse to call him anything else), had spent my wedding money on who knows what! I got an apology and some of the money back! But it wasnt about the money, it was the fact that she gave him access to that money! And he spent it! So, after my long story...my advice...love your mom for being your mom just realize you cant count on her for much other than disappointment! I know it hurts but just stop inviting her to those things, maybe when shes not invited she will realize that you just dont give a **** anymore whether she comes or not! Even if you do! I have come to realize that the way my mom decides to live her life is her choice not mine, I have to stop letting her hurt me with her decisions! Sorry for the long answer...hope it helps to know other moms are like that too!
2007-08-16 00:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by cerks_wife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your mom is focused more on her now that other people, which is fine when all your kids are adults and can take care of themselves. however, then it is not cool to go around saying you do not spend time with her, those guilt trips. you might have to be the glue that keeps the family together. you are making the effort, no one can fault you there. just try your best, but not too hard. getting burned so many times gets tiresome after a while.
2007-08-16 00:03:36 · answer #3 · answered by Christina V 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry she's treated you like that.
She sounds very selfish and unconcerned with anything other than her own wants.
I'd say just go on with your own life and let her stay in her own little world as she's not going to change, if you can't stand being around her, the best thing to do is just stay away from her.
Eventually, she'll come to you, just be careful what she's in search of when that time comes...
2007-08-16 00:09:24 · answer #4 · answered by lovely_lady_lavender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that saying "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family"? It's very true, some people just don't behave how you would expect them to, and that's fine, it is their life, I think you should just get on with your life, keep in touch with your mother by sending her a birthday card, Christmas card etc, and give her a call from time to time, but don't let it take over your life and turn you bitter, she is still your mother but you just have to let her behaviour wash over you like water off a duck's back. Concentrate on you and your hubby's future.
2007-08-16 05:57:36 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you only have one mother, BUT....... how many daughters does she have, and besides it doesn't matter if there are 100 daughters, you are all different and she should be more involved in your life. Let her know that her priorty list is sadly off base and you refuse to let her problems become yours. She may stop if she thinks she can't affect you anymore. Its time to let her deal w/ her problems like a grown woman should and move on w/ your life. If she insists on acting like a 5 year old, let her man deal with it.
2007-08-16 09:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by jamitha99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what she does she is still your mother. I understand where you are coming from. But I suggest you not to do or say anything that you might regret later in the future. Let her be and call her once in a while just to say hi. And send cards on mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas.
2007-08-16 00:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by Caitlyn 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What are you to do? You know what, live your life. Move where you want to move, marry who you want to marry. It is nice when our mothers approve and want to be involved in a constructive way, but unfortunately life isn't perfect. Tell her these are your choices, you are an adult and she doesn't have to like them but she has to respect them. This is the time for you to build your life, tell her she is always welcome to visit, that you would love her to visit. But, you are not going to play her childish games any more.
Good luck!
2007-08-16 00:02:12 · answer #8 · answered by Thelma15 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
calmly remind her it is your life and not hers. on that same note it is her life not yours. it also seems you are under more stress than you know. it is true, your mother may be hard to get along with. at the same time she is your mother. i would say keep your distance for a while. when the both of you are ready to connect, set the terms on your territory. let her know you still love her, but she is being destructive.
2007-08-16 00:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by Smirko Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a selfish and small-minded person. Unfortunately, we cant change people. I hope you can find a way to live your life in positivity without letting her get you down, while leaving your door open to reconciliation with her if she wishes. Good luck.
2007-08-16 05:35:37 · answer #10 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋